JONATHAN: Are we really gonna kill her? That's so sad.

WARREN: Shut up, Whine-athan.

ANDREW: But ... I, I don't want to kill Buffy either.

JONATHAN: Yeah, she saved my life a bunch of times! Plus, she's hot.

WARREN: It's her or us. I mean, we have to do it.

ANDREW: We're talking about murder.

WARREN: No, we're talking about staying alive, and since this is my mom's house, I think what I say goes.

ANDREW: But aside from the moral issues, and the mess, we can get in trouble for murder.

WARREN: Duh! You know, the last I checked, the authorities also frowned on bank robbery too. Genius!

JONATHAN: I don't even know if we could kill Buffy. She's got super-strength.

ANDREW: And, you know, killing people, this is not why we got together in the first place.

JONATHAN: Yeah. We teamed up with one clear, super-cool mission statement. Remember?

(Flash-cut to past)

WARREN: So ... you guys wanna team up and take over Sunnydale?

ANDREW/JONATHAN: (unison) Okay.

(Flash back to the present)

WARREN: Of course I remember. It was last month.

JONATHAN: Then you know we have a mission! Shrink rays...

("TO DO" list:

Control The Weather, Miniaturize Fort Knox, Conjure Fake I.D.s, Shrink Ray, Girls, Girls, The Gorilla Thing)

JONATHAN: ...trained gorillas. Workable prototype jetpacks ... and chicks, chicks, chicks. I know that's the action I signed on for.

ANDREW: Me too. Ixnay on the urder-may.

WARREN: (frustrated) Vote.

JONATHAN: Okay. Who's for not killing Buffy? (Jonathan & Andrew raise their hands, and Warren capitulates)

WARREN: Agreed.

JONATHAN: So what are we gonna do about this Mm'Fashnik guy?

WARREN: Ah, wait here. Okay, I got an idea.

WARREN: (whispers to the demon) Here's the Slayer's name, address, and telephone number. You wanna kill her? Make it so.

JONATHAN: (awed) How'd you make him do that?

ANDREW: What are you, some kind of ... Jedi?

WARREN: (casual) The Force can sometimes have great power on the weak-minded.

• Buffy vs the Legion of Dorkness (Trio)

written by: Douglas Petrie and Jane Espenson; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com). Action descriptions shortened by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/104flooded.html