(Summer's house)

BUFFYBOT: (smiling) This is my house.

XANDER: If we're gonna stop Spike from blabbing about Dawn, we're gonna need these.

(He goes to the big weapons chest and opens it.)

ANYA: Ooh, the big guns. Saddling up. Shouldn't we have guns?

BUFFYBOT: Those are my weapons. Give me something big and sharp.

WILLOW: Um, Buffy, where do we go? Where should we look for Glory?

BUFFYBOT: She's a god. She wants the key.

XANDER: Yeah, so we should look...

(They all look at the bot.)

BUFFYBOT: I don't know. Why are you all looking at me?

XANDER: Okay, Buff, it's okay, you're right, you shouldn't have to know everything.

BUFFYBOT: We need to rescue Spike.

WILLOW: Um ... Buffy, I, I think you have more weapons upstairs. Why don't you go get those?

ANYA: And maybe change your clothes, you know, something more ... fighty.

BUFFYBOT: I can do that. I'll be right back.

(She turns with a smile and walks off.)

XANDER: Okay, this has gone way too far. She thinks we're going to rescue Spike.

WILLOW: What *are* we gonna do?

XANDER: Find him, keep him from talking, whatever it takes.

ANYA: What do we do with Glory?

WILLOW: Whatever we do, we're gonna need Buffy's help.

XANDER: Then we're gonna have to talk to her.

WILLOW: Intervention time again?

XANDER: Yeah, 'cause what we need right now is a sane Buffy.

(The real Buffy enters, still wearing her brown pants and turtleneck, carrying her brown coat.)

BUFFY: Woah! Group hang time?

WILLOW: That was quick!

BUFFY: Didn't seem like it to me. Death is my gift. Pff!

XANDER: Buffy, we need to talk.

BUFFY: What's wrong? Is Dawn okay?

WILLOW: Dawn's fine.

XANDER: Buffy we care about you and we're worried about you. The way you're acting, the things you're doing...

ANYA: It's wrong.

WILLOW: Wait this shouldn't be about blame.

BUFFY: Blame? There's blame now?

WILLOW: No. There's only love. And some fear.

ANYA: We're just kinda thrown by the you-having-sex-with-Spike.

BUFFY: The who whatting how with huh?

ANYA: Okay, that's denial. That usually comes before Anger.

BUFFY: I am not having sex with Spike!

ANYA: Anger.

XANDER: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong & mysterious & sorta compact but well muscled.

BUFFY: I am *not* having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that *you* might be!

XANDER: Buffy, I saw you, Anya too. We saw you and Spike, with the straddling...

BUFFYBOT: Spike's mine! Who's straddling Spike?

BUFFY: Oh my god.

XANDER: And so say all of us.

BUFFYBOT: Say, look at you! You look just like me! We're very pretty.

WILLOW: Two of them!

XANDER: Hey, I know this! They're *both* Buffy!

BUFFY: No. *She's* a robot. She acts just like that girlfriend-bot that Warren guy made. You guys couldn't tell me apart from a *robot*?

BUFFYBOT: Oh, I don't think I'm a robot.

ANYA: She's very well done.

XANDER: Spike must have had her built so he could program her to..

BUFFY: Oh god!

WILLOW: Yikes! Imagine the things...

BUFFY: No! No imagining, any of you.

XANDER: Already got the visual.

BUFFYBOT: People! Friends of mine! You are forgetting the most important thing. Glory has Spike and she's going to harm him.

BUFFY: Glory has Spike?

XANDER: We were gonna bring that up.

ANYA: We were getting weapons.

BUFFY: Grab 'em. We're going now. I have to kill him.

WILLOW: We don't even know where to look.

BUFFY: (ponders) I know where to start.

• Buffy & Spike
• BuffyBot

written by: Jane Espenson; Haven't found a transcript yet, so am just typing up my favorite exchanges as time allows.... Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/96intervention.html