WARREN: Whiskey, straight up. And get a round for the house. I'm feeling expansive. (to Vamp next to him at the bar) Hey. Bet you don't get a lot of humans in-

VAMPIRE: (grabs Warren, still looking at TV) I'm watching my program.

WARREN: Wouldn't want to interrupt your 'me' time. Even to buy the guy who killed the slayer a drink?

VAMPIRE: What's that?

WARREN: I took her out myself. I've been heading an organization - the Trio? You've heard of us.

VAMPIRE: Uh - no-

WARREN: Not important. I cut them loose. I figure now that Buffy's out of the picture - some things have got to change around here. I need a *real* gang, not a couple of wannabes.

DEMON: And you killed the slayer?

WARREN: With these hands.

DEMON: What are you - a warlock?

WARREN: Funny you mention that. You know, I've explored all the dark arts - witchcraft, demonology... You name it I tried it against the slayer. But you know what I found *really* works? Gun.

VAMPIRE: You killed the slayer with a gun?

WARREN: In her own backyard. Don't under- estimate science, my friend. Good old fashioned metal meets propulsion.

(Now all the characters at the bar start to chuckle.)

DEMON: Oh man! This is gonna be good.

WARREN: (laughs along) The best! The town is ours!

VAMPIRE: Ours, maybe. You are screwed.

DEMON: Metal meets propulsion, yeah. But you still better be a good shot!

WARREN: (stops laughing) This... isn't the evil laugh of victory - is it?

VAMPIRE: More like the evil laugh of "you're a dead man."

WARREN: Okay. What's the joke?

DEMON: It was just on the news. Girl was shot-

VAMPIRE: (enjoying this) In her backyard-

DEMON: She survived. She's in the hospital. And slayers heal fast. Real fast.

VAMPIRE: Yeah. I was gonna eat you myself during the commercial - but now I think it'll be more fun to let the slayer de-gut you.

VAMPIRE: Might want to get a head start, my friend. 'Cuz this girl's gonna be coming for you, big time.

• Buffy vs the Legion of Dorkness (Trio)

written by: Marti Noxon; No transcript available, so I started with the Shooting Script and spent a couple-three hours editing it to match what was said and shown on the broadcast version. . Full transcript at: