WILLOW: Xander, what happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?

XANDER: You're just a big bucket of funny, Will. I'll have you know I was just accosted by some kind of, um, locker monster.

GILES: Loch Ness Monster?

BUFFY: 'Locker' monster is what he said. But it wasn't really a monster. It was, like, this big arm that came out of the locker, but then we opened it again, it was gone. Nothing.

XANDER: This was right after Buffy's history teacher starts doing some freaky channeling thing in class.

GILES: Ooh! Sounds like paranormal phenomena.

WILLOW: A ghost? Cool!

XANDER: Oh, no, no. No. No cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was 'I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore.'

GILES: Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist.

XANDER: I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning.

BUFFY: So we have some bad boo on our hands?

GILES: Yes.

WILLOW: Well, why is it here? Does it just wanna scare people?

GILES: Unfortunately, he doesn't know exactly what he wants. That's, that's the trouble. See, uh, many times the spirit is plagued by all manner of worldly troubles. Being dead, it has no way to, uh, to make its peace. So it, it lashes out, growing ever more confused, ever more angry.

BUFFY: So it's a normal teenager, only dead.

WILLOW: Well, what can we do? Is there any way to stop it?

GILES: Uh, the only tried and true way is to work out what unresolved issues keep it here, and-and-and, um, resolve them.

BUFFY: Fabulous. Now we're Dr. Laura for the deceased.

• Funnies

written by: Marti Noxon; Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/31eyes4u.html