RACHEL: Lenny... please... don't.

LENNY: You think I'm not going to find you, after you humiliated me again?

RACHEL: I didn't do anything! I swear! I'd never...

LENNY: No! I know what you do. I see. The men, the lies, this is the last time, damn it!

RACHEL: What are you on, Baby? You only get like this when you...

(Lenny hits her.)

RACHEL: What are you going to do? Pulverize me right here? Someone is going to hear me scream.

LENNY: In downtown LA at night? Nobody is going to hear. Nobody who cares. Besides, (He pulls out a revolver and points it at her face) this will all be over fast.

RACHEL: Lenny...please...no!

LENNY: I'm sorry. I just can't take this anymore.

(Angel grabs him from behind and makes him drop his gun.)

ANGEL: Poor Lenny. The burden of terrorizing your girlfriend too much for you? Lucky for you I can make it stop.

(Lenny grabs a 2x4 and tried to hit Angel. Angel ducks and knocks him out cold.)

ANGEL: Rachel, are you alright?

RACHEL: Is he...

ANGEL: It's okay. He's not getting up for a while.

RACHEL: I can't believe you actually showed up.

ANGEL: Well, that was the deal, right?

(The camera pulls back to reveal Spike watching them from a rooftop above them)

SPIKE: (imitating Rachel) How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing? (imitating Angel) No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth.

(Rachel steps closer to Angel, and Angel steps back, warding her off with his hands)

SPIKE: No, not the hair! Never the hair! (high voice) But there must be someway I can show my appreciation. (low voice) No, helping those in need's my job, and working up a load of sexual tension, and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough! (high voice) I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so... (low voice) Say no more. Evil's still afoot! And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!

SPIKE: Go on with you. Play the big, strapping hero while you can. You have a few surprises coming your way. The ring of Amara, a visit from your old pal Spike, and, oh yeah, your gruesome, horrible death.

• Angel & Spike
• Angel's batman-ness
• Funnies

written by: Douglas Petrie; Originally transcribed by anonymous. Edited, formatted for this site and checked by M'lyn.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season1/transcripts/03_tran.shtml