ANDREW: Oh, this one has oxygen tanks.

ANYA: They?d only be useful if something big was attacking, and then we could shove one down their throat and blow ?em up like Roy Scheider did with that shark in Jaws.

ANDREW: (awed) You are the perfect woman.

ANYA: (nods) I?ve often thought so. Wanna rob?

ANDREW: Let?s rob. Oh, cool? gauze and alcohol, tape and sutures if we want to get stitchy with it. Oh, and there?s a box of ointment here. I used one of these on a rash once.

ANYA: Oh, show me.

ANDREW: Well, it?s healed up but it was red and crusty with theselittle itchy places.

ANYA: Show me the box full of ointments, you little freak. And get cotton packing for the big wounds.

ANDREW: It?s going to be bad, isn?t it?

ANYA: Yeah.

ANDREW: So how come you?re here? I mean, you could just go, right?

ANYA: Yeah. I did once before.

ANDREW: Before what?

ANYA: Well, there was this other apocalypse this one time and? well, I took off. But this time, I don?t know?

ANDREW: Well, what?s different?

ANYA: Well, I guess I was kinda new to being around humans before. But now I?ve seen a lot more, gotten to know people, seen what they?re capable of and? I guess I just realized how amazingly screwed up they all are. I mean, really, really screwed up in a monumental fashion.

ANDREW: Oh.

ANYA: And they have no purpose that unites them so they just drift around blundering through life until they die? which they know is coming yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They?re incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane? and yet here?s the thing. When it?s something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they?re lame morons for fighting but they do. They never? they never quit. So I guess I will keep fighting, too.

ANDREW: That was kind of beautiful. You love humans.

ANYA: I do not!

ANDREW: Yes, you do. (sing-song) You love them?

ANYA: Stop it! I don?t love them and I?ll kill you if you tell anybody.

ANDREW: I won?t tell anybody. I won?t get a chance to, anyway.

ANYA: I don?t know, you might survive.

ANDREW: No, you might survive. You know how to handle a weapon and you?ve been in this world for like a thousand years. I?m not so? (sighs) I don?t think I?ll be okay. I?m cool with it. I think I?d like to finish out as one of those lame humans trying to do what?s right.

ANYA: (smiles) Yeah.

ANDREW: So? wheelchair fight?

(CUT TO: Anya and Andrew wear surgical masks as caps and spin around the room in wheelchairs, smashing into each other and laughing hysterically.)

• Anya's Demon heritage

written by: Douglas Petrie and Jane Espenson; original transcript by Buffy vs Angel. Edited by me.. Full transcript at:
http://ww3.buffy-vs-angel.com/buffy_tran_143.shtml