Sheila: Oh, sit down, honey.

WILLOW: Principal Snyder talk to you?

Sheila: Yes. He's quite concerned.

WILLOW: Mom, I know what this looks like, and I can totally...

Sheila: Oh, you don't have to explain, honey. This isn't exactly a surprise.

WILLOW: Why not?

Sheila: Oh, well, identification with mythical icons is perfectly typical of your age group. It's a, a classic adolescent response to the pressures of incipient adulthood.

WILLOW: Oh. Is that what it is?

Sheila: Of course, I wish you could've identified with something a little less icky, but developmentally speaking...

WILLOW: Mom, I'm not an age group. I'm me. Willow group.

Sheila: Oh, honey... I understand.

WILLOW: No, you don't. Mom, this may be hard for you to accept, but I can do stuff. Nothing bad or dangerous, but I can do spells.

Sheila: You think you can, and that's what concerns me. The delusions.

WILLOW: Mom, how would you know what I can do? I mean, the last time we had a conversation over three minutes, it was about the patriarchal bias of the Mr. Rogers Show.

Sheila: Well, (makes finger quotes) with King Friday lording it over all the lesser puppets...

WILLOW: Mom, you're not paying attention.

Sheila: And this is your way of trying to get it. Now, I have consulted with some of my colleagues, and they agree that this is a cry for discipline. You're grounded.

WILLOW: (surprised) Grounded? This is the first time *ever* I've done something you don't like and I'm grounded? I'm supposed to mess up. I'm a teenager, remember?

Sheila: You're upset, I hear you...

WILLOW: (stands up) No, Ma, hear this! I'm a rebel! I'm having a rebellion!

Sheila: (smiling) Willow, honey, you don't need to act out like this to prove your specialness.

WILLOW: Mom, I'm not acting out. I'm a witch! I-I can make pencils float. And I can summon the four elements. Okay, two, but four soon. A-and I'm dating a musician.

Sheila: (disgusted now) Oh, Willow!

WILLOW: (thickly sarcastic) I worship Beelzebub. I do his biddings. Do you see any goats around? No, because I sacrificed them.

Sheila: Willow, please!

WILLOW: All bow before Satan!

Sheila: (leaves the room) I'm not listening to this.

WILLOW: Prince of Night, I summon you. Come fill me with your black, naughty evil.

Sheila: (loudly) That's enough! Is that clear? Now, you will go to your room and stay there until I say otherwise. And we're gonna make some changes. I don't want you hanging out with those friends of yours. It's clear where this little obsession came from. You will not speak to Bunny Summers again.

• Willow's Witchiness

written by: Jane Espenson & Thania St. John; Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/45gingerbread.html