(Spike barges into the office, talking)

SPIKE: Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink...

(stops in mid-thought when he sees puppet Angel sitting at the desk)

PUPPET ANGEL: Spike...

SPIKE: Look at you.

PUPPET ANGEL: Just turn around and walk away.

SPIKE: You're a—

PUPPET ANGEL: Spike!

SPIKE: (starts laughing uncontrollably) You're a bloody puppet!

(Angel launches from his chair at Spike, knocking them through the office windows and into the lobby. They scuffle on the floor, but Spike still can't stop laughing)

SPIKE: You're a wee, little puppet man!

(Angel punches Spike in the face)

SPIKE: Ow!

(Spike laughs again; Angel punches Spike in the face harder)

SPIKE: Ow! Hey! That's enough.

(pushes puppet Angel off of him, throwing him high into the air. Angel lands on his feet, glaring at Spike)

SPIKE: Angel, what the hell happened to you? You look ridiculous.

PUPPET ANGEL: Get out of here, Spike.

HARMONY: Oh, my God. Angel, you're a—

PUPPET ANGEL: Shut up!

(looks around the lobby, realizes everyone's staring at him)

PUPPET ANGEL: What are you people looking at? Well?

(the employees back off, frightened)

SPIKE: They're looking at the wee, little puppet man.

(Angel growls and leaps toward Spike again, biting his forearm this time. More scuffling, and they end up in the elevator. Doors close.

PUPPET ANGEL: (from inside the elevator) Stupid limey piece of crap!

(a thud is heard, then the elevator doors open revealing Spike collapsed on the floor. Angel walks off the elevator and addresses the crowd of employees that gathered around the elevator)

PUPPET ANGEL: Yes, I'm a puppet. Doesn't mean you don't have work to do.

(the crowd disperses; Spike stands and watches Angel walk back to his office)

PUPPET ANGEL: Harmony, get my call list.

HARMONY: Um...

PUPPET ANGEL: And Spike needs a car.

SPIKE: (to Harmony) You heard the puppet.

• Angel & Spike
• Funnies

written by: Joss Whedon & Ben Edlund; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x14_tran.php