WESLEY: Consider her armed, dangerous, and quite possibly insane. Don't let her grace or gentle beauty fool you. Winifred Burkle (points to a huge poster of Fred) is a monster, a siren hoping to lure you away from Jasmine and onto the rocks of heresy and destruction.

GUNN: Amen to that.

WESLEY: Now, uh, Lorne has a few important announcements and, as I understand, a very special surprise.

LORNE: Blessings and moon-pies, brethren and sistren. I'll cut right to the chase and start with the hourly Jasmine report. Her royal yumminess is currently resting after a particularly exhausting day. No word yet whether she'll make a drive-by this evening or not. (crowd seems disappointed) Good news for you third floor faithful: the hot water's back on. (crowd seems happy) OK, and now—and now it's time for that big surprise we've been talking about. Tonight we're gonna try kicking it a little different at fellowship hall because tonight—tonight is open mic night. (crowd cheers) That's right, that's right, love bugs. So anyone who wants to get up here and share their personal joy about good queen Jasmine is more than welcome. So, who wants to get the ball rolling?

YOUNG BOY: Why I Love Jasmine by Lenford Detweiler. I love Jasmine because she makes food taste good.

(A woman wearing a pink prom dress stands at the podium sobbing.)

ROCK DUDE: Jasmine rocks. Jasmine rocks.

DEAF WOMAN:(signing) I wish I could be in Fred's skull...so I could explode her brain and kill her for rejecting Jasmine.

LORNE: (singing) Freddie's dead...Oh, that's what I said.

VERY OLD WOMAN: I have 37 cats, and I've just changed all their names to Jasmine.

(A woman wearing a pink prom dress stands at the podium sobbing.)

ANGEL & CONNOR: (singing) Now we realize how happy you've made us, oh, Jasmine. You came and you gave without taking...

GUNN: We should be doing this every night.

ANGEL & CONNOR: (singing) And we'll keep you forever, oh, Jasmine. You came and you gave without taking... And we'll keep you forever, oh, Jasmine.

• Angel & Connor
• Funnies

written by: Jeffrey Bell; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited and formatted for this site by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season4/transcripts/85_tran.php