(Angel & Spike arrive at the Rome Wolfram & Hart. It's exactly like the LA Branch, except the people/demons are speaking Italian)

ANGEL: Huh.

ILONA: Ciao! Benvenuti! Welcome! Ah, Spike.

(kisses Spike on both cheeks)

ILONA: Ha ha ha. Oh! You are the very meaning of handsome. You take my breath away. Ah, I have no breath. Ha ha ha!

(kisses Angel on both cheeks)

ILONA: And you, what an honor. The great Angelus.

ANGEL: Actually, it's just Angel.

ILONA: Ah, yes, of course. The gypsies, they gave you your soul. The gypsies are filthy people! (spits) And we shall speak of them no more. I am Ilona Costa Bianchi. I'm the CEO of the Roman offices of Wolfram e Hart. And please, we are at your disposal. Whatever it is that you want, we give to you. If you want the world, we give you the world. We give you 2 worlds, in fact, because this is our way.

ANGEL: OK.

SPIKE: Good. Yeah.

ILONA: Now, let's go in my office, and we talk like adults, eh? Come. (to assistant) Pietro.

PIETRO: Si, signora.

ILONA: Vai un circare un caffe e dolce qual checosa di mangiare.

PIETRO: Per chino, signora. Andiamo. Subito.

SPIKE: (to Angel) She seems nice.

(...)

ILONA: Please, make yourselves as though you were at home. Your problems, they are no more. You have no more problems. What are your problems?

ANGEL: Our friend, she's under some sort of spell...

SPIKE: Cast by the vilest wretch this side of Mount Everest. Which... I'm told he has climbed... several times.

ANGEL: Look, he goes by the name of The Immortal.

ILONA: Ah, The Immortal. Ah. Then your friend is lucky. Ha ha. I have had dealings with The Immortal many times, and I must say that the outcome is always... most satisfactory.

SPIKE: He's got her trapped.

ANGEL: It's a love spell, and we?

ILONA: It's doubtful. The Immortal doesn't use spells. He considers them dirty. Dirty tricks for dirty people. Like gypsies. (spits) We will speak of them no more.

SPIKE: Well, he's done something magic to her.

ANGEL: We need to do some research. Look, don't you guys have, like, an Italian Wesley here?

ILONA: Yes. Yes, we have, but he's taking a nap. And I do not need him to tell me what is already widely known, that The Immortal does not use magic.

SPIKE: Then it must be somethin' else.

ANGEL: Look, we need to know everything there is to know about him. We need?

ILONA: To keep your head. Ha ha! Yes. We know all about your mission to retrieve the Capo di Famiglia. And I have to say, right now it seems a bit more important than trying to pry your friend off of The Immortal. Your head is in great danger. We have already received a ransom note. It was addressed to you via our offices. I took the liberty of sneaking a peek. We must hurry because the drop is about to take place in less than one hour.

ANGEL: All right. We're gonna need a chase helicopter, assault team...

SPIKE: And guns. Lots and lots of guns.

ILONA: No, no, no, no! No, no. (squeezes their cheeks) The two of you are so precious. But no! This is a civilized country. We do these things all the time. Somebody gets kidnapped, somebody pays the money. Everybody goes home happy. Grazie. Prego. Kiss-kiss. We already have the money ready to go. Eh. Huh?

ANGEL: All right. Fine. Whatever. We'll do it your way.

SPIKE: (sighs) Who's making the drop?

(Cut to Angel and Spike are standing in the middle of a piazza at night, waiting.)

ANGEL: I helped save the world, you know.

SPIKE: Like I haven't.

ANGEL: Yeah, but I've done it a lot more.

SPIKE: Oh, please.

ANGEL: I closed the hellmouth.

SPIKE: I've done that.

ANGEL: Yeah, you wore a necklace. You know, I helped kill the mayor and, uh, and Jasmine and?

SPIKE: Do those really count as savin' the world?

ANGEL: I stopped Acathla. That saved the world.

SPIKE: Buffy ran you through with a sword.

ANGEL: Yeah, but I made her do it. I signaled her with my eyes.

SPIKE: She killed you. I helped her! That one counts as mine.

ANGEL: My point is I'm better than this. OK? We're better than this. What the hell could Buffy see in him?

DEMON BUTLER: Perhaps she likes the cut of his trousers.

• Funnies
• Wolfram & Hart

written by: Steven S. DeKnight & Drew Goddard; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x20_tran.php