DEMON: We had a deal. You got what you wanted. Now give me what I want. The head of the Slayer.

WARREN: Okay.

JONATHAN: Sure.

ANDREW: We can do that.

DEMON: You hired me to create chaos and carnage for you. Told me you were powerful men, commanding machines, magicks, the demon realms below.

WARREN: We are.

ANDREW: Yuh-huh.

JONATHAN: We're like, Super Villains.

DEMON: Which of you is the leader?

ANDREW/JONATHAN/WARREN: (unison) I am.

DEMON: I will kill the leader.

ANDREW/JONATHAN/WARREN: (unison, pointing at each other) He is.

DEMON: I will kill you all.

JONATHAN: Wait! Uh! No fair! It's not our fault the Slayer was there. We said we'd pay you, and we're gonna.

WARREN: Yes! Truly, Lord Jonathan is the wisest of us all.

ANDREW: Uh, yeah, long live our noble lord and master.

JONATHAN: You guys suck.

DEMON: You can't pay me with paper, tiny king. You pitted me against the Slayer. For that, I must kill you. Then I will suck dry your bones and use them to beat your subjects to death.

WARREN: Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, big guy, hey, let's back things up a parsec, okay. You kill us ... everybody loses. You let us live, we give you...

DEMON: Give me what?

JONATHAN: Name it!

WARREN: Well, between the three of us, we can pretty much do anything.

JONATHAN: Like, you want a spell to make you look super-cool to the other demons? (grins) I'm all over that action, my friend.

WARREN: Or, just throwing it out there, robot girlfriend. Huh? For those long, lonely nights after a hard day's slaughter?

DEMON: (interested) You can do this?

ANDREW: Don't trust him. Robo-pimp daddy's all mouth.

WARREN: Shut up, Andrew! You're just mad I wouldn't build you Christina Ricci.

ANDREW: You owe me, man.

WARREN: Oh, or else what? You'll train another pack of devil-dogs to ruin my prom? Ha! Graduated!

ANDREW: That wasn't me! How many times do I have to say it? The prom thing was my lame-o brother, Tucker.

JONATHAN: Yeah, well tell him I was at that prom.

ANDREW: Hello! Screen-wipe, new scene. I had nothing to do with the devil dogs. I trained flying demon monkeys to attack the school play. School play, dude!

WARREN: (grinning) That was cool. That was kinda cool.

JONATHAN: (laughs) Remember, everyone was like, "Run, Juliet!"

DEMON: (roars) ENOUGH!

DEMON: Nothing you can offer me will satisfy your debt to me. I don't want your toys, or your spells, flying monkey-demons. (yelling) I want the Slayer dead!

ANDREW: (nervous) Okay.

JONATHAN: (nervous) Done.

WARREN: (nervous) One dead Slayer, coming up. Um, could you just give us a minute?

DEMON: For what?

WARREN: Well ... we just really wanna nail down the optimum method for us to wipe out the Slayer for you.

DEMON: Make sure it involves ... pain.

• Buffy vs the Legion of Dorkness (Trio)

written by: Douglas Petrie and Jane Espenson; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com). Action descriptions shortened by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/104flooded.html