WESLEY: Perhaps we should reconsider this.

GUNN: You think? Seen enough horror flicks to know these things always turn out ugly.

(Eve escorts a pretty blonde woman in a red dress into the room)

GUNN: I stand corrected.

PSYCHIC: All right. Let's get to it. Eve tells me that you've lost a ghostie.

FRED: Well, he's not actually a ghost technically. More of a—

PSYCHIC: Yeah, whatever. Now, I have pilates at the crack of why-am-I-awake? So we're gonna move this right along. I will mutter a few calming words to get us into the zone, and then we'll see if we can scare up your missing spook. OK. Clear your minds... which, judging by the looks of you, won't be that hard.

FRED: Should we hold hands?

PSYCHIC: Only if you're lonely. Now, zip it and let me do my sweet funky.

(starts the seance)

PSYCHIC: I call upon the guardian of souls, the keeper of the passage. Let our breath flow from what is to what has passed. Bless us with the presence of the lost. Grant us communion with the world beyond our reach. Give voice to those who can no longer be heard. I beseech you, open your gates... reveal your secrets. I sense a presence.

SPIKE: Damn right you do.

PSYCHIC: Very close

SPIKE: Skip the claptrap and tell them to get me out of here.

PSYCHIC: So much pain...

FRED: He's in pain?

PSYCHIC: The dark soul... so much suffering.

SPIKE: Dark. Pain. Suffering. They've got it. Now tell them to help me!

PSYCHIC: It's coming...it's coming...

SPIKE: I'm already here. What are you going on about?

PSYCHIC: (frightened) Oh, God. I can feel it. The dark soul...it's here. It's... it's the R...

SPIKE: The Reaper! The bloody freakin' Reaper! Go on, tell 'em!

PSYCHIC: It's the— (grabs her throat, choking) Aah!

GUNN: Whoa!

FRED: What's happening?

ANGEL: Spike, stop it.

SPIKE: It's not me, you git.

ANGEL: Let her go.

(psychic stops choking)

FRED: Are you all right?

(the psychic falls forward, spitting blood all over Fred's face)

• Funnies

written by: Steven S. DeKnight; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x04_tran.php