(ScruffyXander, soaking wet, barges in on Willow in her dorm room)

ScruffyXANDER: Don't be scared, Will. Just listen. It's me, Xander.

(Willow puts her books on the bed, looking confused.)

ScruffyXANDER: And I can prove it.

WILLOW: Um ... okay. (Sits on the bed)

ScruffyXANDER: Let's see. Stuff only you and me know. Okay! On my seventh birthday ... I wanted a toy fire truck, and I didn't get it, and you were real nice about it, and then the house next door burnt down, and then real fire trucks came, and for years I thought you set the fire for me. And if you did, you can tell me.

(grins nervously. Willow doesn't respond. He paces more.)

XANDER: For a while last year, I thought I was lactose-intolerant, but it was just some bad Brie. Oh! Every Christmas, we watch Charlie Brown together, and I do the Snoopy dance.

• Xander & Willow

written by: Jane Espenson; Transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com).. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/81thereplacement.html