BUFFY: There's a first time for everything is my philosophy.

This is my first big loan.

Collateral? No problem.

No problem.

No problem.

I love that tie.

I'm a problem solver.

Let's crunch those numbers!

Stupid skirt.

(Mr. Savitsky enters)

BUFFY: (smiling) Hello!

MR. SAVITSKY: Sorry to keep you waiting. Carl Savitsky. Loan Officer.

BUFFY: Buffy Summers. Loan applier-for. I, I didn't know exactly what you would need, so, um, I brought everything. I'm very responsible in that way.

MR. SAVITSKY: Okay. I don't think I'll need this ... or these. Old report cards, definitely not.

BUFFY: So ... about my getting a loan.

MR. SAVITSKY: Yes, well, uh, it looks as if, financially, uh, we have a bit of a tangle.

BUFFY: I know. And I figured you could just, you know, cut through that tangle with scissors. You know, where the loan is the scissors?

MR. SAVITSKY: Ms. Summers, the only collateral you have is your house, which was never fully leveraged, and has been losing equity over the last several years. For some reason, Sunnydale property values have never been competitive, and ... re-financing's out of the question...

BUFFY: Are you saying you won't give me my loan?

MR. SAVITSKY: Well, the problem is, you have no income. No job.

(demon attacks the bank)

BUFFY: (to herself) No job? (pouts) I wish.

BUFFY: (to Demon) Hey! Are you in the wrong line? That's for deposits, that's for withdrawals, and this one ... is for getting kicked in the face. (tries to kick, but can't) Stupid skirt.

BUFFY: (to Mr Sacitsky, RE his letter-opener) May I? (slits her skirt open & attacks)

GUARD: Put the girl down.

BUFFY: (to guard, RE guns) These things? Never helpful.

(the demon runs)

BUFFY: (to Savitsky) Now, about my loan. I'm not saying I'm charging you for saving your life or anything, but ... let's talk rates.

written by: Douglas Petrie and Jane Espenson; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com). Action descriptions shortened by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/104flooded.html