FRED: Thank you. At least I remembered the uniform.

GUNN: All these people here to see you?

FRED: I'm just a minor speaker. (sees the agenda posted outside the auditorium) Oh, God! I'm between Ed Witten and Brian Greene? (no reaction from Angel or Gunn) Think Nomar Garciaparra and Sammy Sosa.

ANGEL: Fred skipped the minors and went straight to the show.

FRED: This can't be right. Somebody must've made a mistake.

GUNN: Listen up, all that stuff about particles and... stuff— It's gonna blow 'em away. Nothing to worry about.

FRED: Well, what if my theory's wrong? (sees someone she knows) Professor Seidel!

PROFESSOR SEIDEL: Winifred. (to accompanying blonde) Laurie, I'll meet you back at the lab. (Laurie leaves. to Fred) There you are. It's been, what, two years, or so.

FRED: Yeah, heavy on the or so. Wow. It is great to see you. Are you—gonna be in there?

PROFESSOR SEIDEL: I'm introducing you. I had to arm-wrestle the chair of the department for the honor.

FRED: Oh.

PROFESSOR SEIDEL: Winifred, you have done some great work. You don't have anything to worry about.

(Gunn clears throat to get her attention.)

FRED: Oh, these are my friends. Charles and Angel.

GUNN: (shakes hand) Hey.

ANGEL: (shakes hand) Hello.

FRED: I was gonna be a history major, and then I took Professor Seidel's physics class, and, well...

PROFESSOR SEIDEL: Winifred's a natural. By the end of the semester, she was taking on W.I.M.P.s.

GUNN: You should see her now: killer left hook.

FRED: W.I.M.P.s are Weakly Interactive Massive Particles.

GUNN: Oh, yeah, uh... (nervous laugh) Just kidding.

PROFESSOR SEIDEL: Do you remember that Higgs Scalars tutorial? I still remember your take on spontaneous symmetry breaking.

ANGEL: You know, it's, uh, filling up. I'm gonna go, um, save some seats.

PROFESSOR SEIDEL: Why don't you stop by my office. I'd love to talk about your article.

FRED: Is tomorrow too soon?

PROFESSOR SEIDEL: Tomorrow's perfect. I have some questions about how Kaluza-Klein models fit with your theory.

FRED: Oh, OK, because string regularization is kinda vital to what I'm proposing...

(Fred and the Professor walk off into the auditorium, leaving Gunn just standing there.)

PROFESSOR SEIDEL: Oh, Dr. Shepherd. I want you to meet one of my best students, Winifred Burkle.

FRED: Hi.

DR. SHEPHERD: Of course. I read your article. It was intriguing. Nice to meet you.

(Gunn walks away from Fred and the Professor to sit by Angel. )

GUNN: Listen, man, I'm gonna need simultaneous translating on this thing. You know, like the President with the Russians. But just gimme the highlights.

ANGEL: No problem. Of course, I have no idea what she's talking about.

GUNN: Will you tell Fred that? If she thinks we're both stupid, I won't stand out as much.

PROFESSOR SEIDEL: There have been many recent insights into string theory, but few have so elegantly tied together the disparate threads as the one you will hear tonight. As a student, Winifred Burkle showed outstanding intellectual rigor. Her work continues to exemplify the highest standard of academic excellence. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to introduce Winifred Burkle.

FRED: Thank you, Professor. (holding an index card) This one just says, Open with joke, but I forgot to think of one. Of course, it's possible my theory'll take care of that. (audience laughs) There are, um...There are several competing dimensional theories. And, while each provide insights, physicists have long searched for a unifying theory—one that can account for both the behavior of the smallest sub-atomic particles and the largest forces of nature. If space-time can undergo massive rearrangement of its structure, which I believe it can, tearing and reconnecting according to a pre-determined disposition, then T-duality would allow for the compactification of extra space dimensions. Consider the non-perturbitive properties of superstring theory. In D-Branes, especially as applied to Dirichlet boundary conditions with dual open strings that are T-transformed... This, in turn, leads to the conclusion that strings can only end in P-dimensional dynamical—

(A portal has opened overhead while Fred speaks. It gets wider and wider until a huge multi-headed snake-like creature with jaws like crab claws reaches through it. Angel and Gunn head for the stage.)

GUNN: Fred! No!

FRED: (screaming) Ah! Ahhh!

(Gunn & Angel fight the monster)

GUNN: Hang on, baby. I got you. Hang on.

ANGEL: (being strangled) Yeah, vampire, strangling... not gonna happen.

(portal closes)

GUNN: It's over, baby. You're fine.

• Gunn & Fred

written by: Elizabeth Craft & Sarah Fain; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited and formatted for this site by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season4/transcripts/71_tran.php