JANICE: So?

DAWN: He's okay.

JANICE: Ho-hum okay, or like ... 'oh my god I think I'm gonna pee my pants' okay?

DAWN: Pee.

(cut to Zack & Justin)

ZACK: So what's the verdict, cap'n? Is little Justin in love?

JUSTIN: I don't know. She's cute.

ZACK: Well, congratulations for having eyeballs. But what about, uh, you know, going all the way? Do you think- (sees the girls approaching) ...that the moon and the stars look lovely tonight?

JANICE: Hey, you think when we're done with this juvie crap maybe we can do something else? I'm gettin' kinda bored.

ZACK: Just one more.

(...)

JANICE: (OS) No way. You know who lives there?

JUSTIN: Old man Kaltenbach.

ZACK: Crusty old bastard.

DAWN: Isn't he supposed to be ... mental or something?

ZACK: Total looney-tunes. Pumpkins... Very dangerous.

ZACK: (to Janice) You go first.

JANICE: Wha - huh - screw that!

ZACK: Come on, show us how brave you are. Let's see those cute little girlie guts.

JUSTIN: Hey, lay off, man. If she doesn't wanna-

DAWN: I'll do it.

ZACK: Go Dawn!

JUSTIN: (to Dawn) Look. You don't have to do this.

DAWN: It's okay. (smiles) I want to.

(Old Man startles her just as she's about to smash the pumpkin, and she drop sit)

KALTENBACH: Shouldn't oughta mess with those. Sometimes they bite.

JUSTIN: Get away from her!

ZACK: Don't make me go kung-fu on you, man!

KALTENBACH: (laughs) Come on inside, kids, got somethin' special for ya. Daddy's got a treat!

ZACK: Cool.

JANICE: No no no. We are so not going in there. Dawn, tell them!

(cut inside)

ZACK: Dude, where'd you get the cool toys?

KALTENBACH: Used to design 'em back in '58. Nothing would give me more pleasure ... than to see a child's face... (Dawn and Janice exchanging an unhappy look) light up when he'd open one of mine ... on a Christmas or a birthday. I was good. Jeepers, I was the best. And then that thing happened. One little mistake ... and they took it all away from me, they... they took my toys. (cheerfully) Time for the treats! Who wants to help Daddy in the kitchen? (to Dawn) How 'bout you, Sally?

JUSTIN: Uh, Sally's not much for the cookin'. Why don't I give you a hand.

KALTENBACH: (nods) Hands are good. Always use more hands. More hands. (they exit)

JANICE: Okay, I say we get the funk out of here before Satan Claus tries to stuff us up the chimney.

ZACK: What, and miss the big treat? That would break the old guy's little heart! Assuming it's still beating.

DAWN: She's right, we should just get Justin and go.

ZACK: Come on, the dude's a thousand years old. What's he gonna do, drown us in his drool cup?

(The jack-in-the-box pops up.)

DAWN: Hey. Where's its head?

(cut to kitchen.) JUSTIN: (vamped out) Boo.

(cut to living room)

JANICE: What the hell was that?

DAWN: Justin? (softly) Justin?

JUSTIN: (emerges) Let's go.

DAWN: Wh-what happened?

JUSTIN: I swiped his wallet when he wasn't looking. Come on!

DAWN: Oh my god. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

JUSTIN: (to Zach) Dude, that guy was rank.

ZACK: Bet a spritz of Dawn would wash that right out. So what do you think? Lunchables? Or should we go all the way and turn 'em?

written by: Steven S. DeKnight; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com). action descriptions shortened by me. . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/106alltheway.html