ANYA: So... what's your pleasure?

SPIKE: Fresh of out of pleasure. That's why I'm here. I need something. Numbing spell, maybe?

ANYA: Uh huh. Hang on. (aside, to Halfrek) Oh my God, Spike hates Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish -- (catching herself) Dammit, if only he were a woman. Okay, got it! If I can somehow get someone to wish that Spike were a woman, then I could go to him, well, he'd be a her by then, go to her and get her to --

HALFREK: Anyanka. There's an easier way. I know you've got this whole Female Power, Take Back the Night thing, and I think that's cute, but I've been telling you for decades men need a little vengeance now and then, too.

ANYA: Oh.

HALFREK: Maybe this is a good chance to try that out. (heads out) Good luck with that... Ta ta!

SPIKE: Sorry to bust up the little girls' night out.

ANYA: That's okay. I'm ready to do some business.

SPIKE: Right then. Got something that'll dull the ache a bit?

ANYA: Actually, yes. Giles left a couple of supplies here, that I think just might help. Eases the hurt, makes the sun shine a little brighter, even makes boring people seem more interesting. Ah. here.

(produces a bottle of Jack Daniels. Spike smiles.)

(...later...)

SPIKE: ...so then this girl says "real for *you*"

ANYA: Right, but getting back to Xander-

SPIKE: Xander. Let's not waste any more breath on that wanker-

ANYA: But he made a fool of me, and nobody seems to care enough to do anything.

SPIKE: I care. What he done to you? I never stooped that low, and I'm an "evil, souless thing" according to some people-

ANYA: But shouldn't he pay? Don't you wish he had to pay in some horrible way?

SPIKE: Absolutely. Take him on myself if it wasn't for my little handicap.

ANYA: (hopeful) Right. So - hypothetically - what do you wish you could do to him?

SPIKE: You name it, pet. You're the wronged party. Something gruesome, how 'bout?

(...later...)

ANYA: ...thing about it is, none of this was my idea. I didn't ask to be human-

SPIKE: Right! An' I didn't ask for this bloody chip in my head-

ANYA: To tell you the truth, all I wanted was to use him and lose him. I hadn't had a good tumble in a thousand years-

SPIKE: Me too. The using part. I just wanted to know what I was missing, move on.

ANYA: (wistful) Then he was all bumpy in the right places and nice to me...

SPIKE: (wistful) She was so raw. Never felt anything like it...

ANYA: Next thing you know, I'm changing to please him. I care if he cares.

SPIKE: Right.

ANYA: I'm off my guard. Happy. Singing in the shower and doing my sexy dance-

SPIKE: Exact- (catches himself) I have no dance.

(...later...)

ANYA: Screw em!

SPIKE: To the rafters!

ANYA: I did everything for that man. Was it ever enough?

SPIKE: Never! I was always going above and beyond. I saved the Scoobies how many times? And I can't stand the lot of you.

ANYA: Me either! I hate us! Everybody's so "nice." Nobody says what's on their mind.

SPIKE: You do.. That's why you're the only one of them I wouldn't bite if I had the chance.

ANYA:(flattered) Really?

SPIKE: Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her, but she was straight about it. That was a virtue.

ANYA: Xander didn't think so. He thought I was rude.

SPIKE: That's because he's one of *them*. Uptight. Repressed.

ANYA: You think?

SPIKE: Please! It's no wonder they couldn't deal with the likes of you and me, Luv. We shoulda have been dead hundreds of years ago - and we're the only ones who are really alive.

(...later...)

SPIKE: (pouring Anya the last shot) Here. Ladies last.

ANYA: Thank you.

SPIKE: Take it quick or my chivalry'll run out.

ANYA: No - thank you. This is the first time since... It feels good to be with someone who understands.

SPIKE: (ruefully) Intimately.

ANYA: This whole time, I've been coming on all hell bent and mad. Wanting his head you know?

SPIKE: Yeah.

ANYA: When, really, I ... can't sleep at night, thinking that... it has to be my fault, somehow-

SPIKE: Shhhhh-

ANYA: (teary) What if he was just pretending? What if he never wanted me, the way I wanted him... Oh, God... I'm sorry.

SPIKE: (tenderly, wiping away her tears) Now now... He would have to be more than just the git he is, Anya. He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you.

ANYA: (whispering) Then why?

SPIKE: The two of them, they're weak is all. But, tell you one thing. They'll miss the water now that the well's gone dry.

ANYA: Too hot to handle.

SPIKE: Mmmm-hmmm...too hot...

ANYA: Ummm...just uh... one question-

SPIKE: Hmmmmm.

ANYA: Can I see your sexy dance?

SPIKE: Mmmm... I'll show you mine...

(moving in for a kiss)

ANYA: Wait. Wait. What are we doing-

SPIKE: Moving on.

(kissing)

ANYA: Wait, you know I'm only doing this because I'm lonely and drunk and you smell *really* good.

SPIKE: See? Forthright.

• Buffy & Spike
• Spike & Anya
• Xander & Anya

written by: Drew Z. Greenberg; No transcript was available, so I started with the Shooting Script and spent a couple-three hours editing it to match what was said and shown on the broadcast version. Link to a full transcript now available. . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/118entropy.html