LILAH: (into phone while walking) A 300% increase? In the last hour? Uh-huh. Oh, ya think? Well, don't. Just shut up. Get me an incident report cross-referenced by region, socio-economic backgrounds, and species. Oh, and get Gavin up here. Somebody's trying to muscle in on our apocalypse and that is not gonna happen while—

(Angel's in her office)

LILAH: (to phone) Lemme get back to you. (hangs up)

ANGEL: Close the door.

LILAH: How did you get in here? Vampire detectors, my ass. Well, here we are, all nice and cozy. Let's talk about—hmm, gee, let me guess—Lorne. How's he doing? Still green?

ANGEL: I told you we were gonna have a conversation.

LILAH: Swell, but I'm having a bit of a day, so let's say we skip the usual two-step, you threaten me, I threaten you, yadda, yadda, yawn. Jump directly to the throwing you out on your thick, meaty head. 'Cause, you know what? You're not getting anything out of me this time either.

ANGEL: Didn't think I would, but Gavin—he was more accommodating.

LILAH: (looks behind her at Gavin, bound and gagged on the couch) Couldn't you have at least tortured him a little bit more?

ANGEL: Really wanted to, but he wouldn't start talking long enough to get into it.

LILAH: I have a cure for that.

ANGEL: Vindict on your own time. I'm kinda on the clock here.

LILAH: What did he tell you?

ANGEL: You're trying to decipher what you took out of Lorne's head. Hundreds of psychics probing and prodding—Well, not quite that many now, because every time they peel back a layer, their brains end up decorating the walls.

LILAH: You should see the cleaning bill. Now that is terrifying.

ANGEL: Anything you got on what's coming—now'd be a good time.

LILAH: Not big on sharing.

ANGEL: Think I'm joking?

LILAH: Not unless you've conjured up a sense of humor to go with that soul. Look, you got it straight from the weasel's mouth. Whatever Lorne gleaned from reading Wonder Girl—it's protected. Try and unlock it—ka-blooey. Thanks for stopping by. (walks behind desk)

ANGEL: You're trying to hide it. I can smell it on you?

LILAH: Chanel?

ANGEL: Fear.

LILAH: Well, you are very imposing in this light.

ANGEL: You're not afraid of me, Lilah. You're afraid of what's coming. Maybe we can help each other, huh. The enemy of my enemy—

LILAH: Can kiss my ass too. You wanna play hero? Go find another sandbox.

ANGEL: Normally, this would be the part where I'd make a grand threat, but thanks to Gavin—

LILAH: Like he knows anything.

ANGEL: That's the point. This thing caught you by surprise, too. You had no idea it was coming.

LILAH: (sighs) So, what—I'm supposed to throw in with Mr. Goody 'cause the great unknown has me shaking in my pumps?

ANGEL: It's a win-win for you, Lilah. You help me, I stop it, Wolfram and Hart makes you employee of the month for protecting everything they set in motion for the last thousand years. You help me and I don't stop it, well, I mean the only way that's gonna happen is if this thing kills me. And if that's the way it goes, you win again. So, you can keep playing it hard, or you can play it smart. It's up to you.

• Angel & Lilah
• Lilah & Gavin
• The Beast, the Beast's Master, Jasmine, etc

written by: Steven S. DeKnight; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited and formatted for this site by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season4/transcripts/73_tran.php