XANDER: The security here really is a joke. I should, uh, report it.

CORDELIA: Who am I supposed to be again?

XANDER: You're supposed to be a girl. Think you can handle it?

Soldier: Halt! Identify yourself right the hell now.

XANDER: Uh... Private Harris with the, uh... 33rd.

Soldier: 33rd are on maneuvers.

XANDER: Right! Uh, I'm on leave. From them.

Soldier: You always spend your leave snooping around the armory, pal? And who is she?

CORDELIA: Hi. I'm not a soldier. (to Xander) Right?

XANDER: Look, I... I just want to give her the tour. Uh, you know what I'm saying.

Soldier: The tour.

XANDER: Well, you know the ladies. They like to see the big guns. Gets them all hot and bothered. Can you cut me some slack, gimme a blind eye?

Soldier: And why should I?

XANDER: Well, if you do, I won't tell Colonel Newsome that your boots ain't regulation, your post wasn't covered, (grabs his M-16 and gives it back to him properly) and you hold your gun like a sissy girl.

Soldier: You got 20 minutes, nimrod.

XANDER: I just need 5. Uh, forget I said that last part.

• Funnies

written by: Joss Whedon; Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/26innocence.html