VAMPIRE WAITRESS: Compliments of the lady. (gestures to a lady at the bar who raises her glass toward Angelus)

ANGELUS: (looks at the lady at the bar, then back to his friends) Yeah, as if. Anyway, I couldn't believe how easy it was luring the slayer into my little welcome home from prison party.

VAMPIRE LACKEY #1: Wish I could have been there when she saw the Beast.

ANGELUS: The guy wasn't gonna win any personality contests, but he put on a good show. Slapped her around real nice.

VAMPIRE LACKEY #2: Like a little bunny?

ANGELUS: Bloody, whimpering bunny. Once she was tenderized, I gave Rocko the shaft. Never saw it coming, dumb ass.

DEMON: (sitting at the bar, says under his breath) Yeah, soul-boy. Nice job, bringing the sun back.

(Angelus overhears the demon at the bar.)

DEMON: (nervously) Oh, hey, Angelus. Buy you a warm one?

ANGELUS: Maybe after.

DEMON: After what?

ANGELUS: After I rip out your windpipe so it stops making that annoying talky sound.

DEMON: Wait! I have a condition. Whoop! Goh, boy! Dirty bitch! Tourettes. You've heard of it, right?

ANGELUS: Yeah, causes uncontrollable impulses...like yanking out throats. (squeezes on the demon's throat)

DEMON: Oh! oh oh... (choking)

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Hello, Angelus. It's time we had that talk.

(Credits)

ANGELUS: Where are you?

DEMON: Wherever you want me to be, buddy.

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: I'm where it's warm and soft.

ANGELUS: Hide and seek, huh? OK, I'll play.

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Playtime's over. You've been a bad boy. Killed my favorite pet.

ANGELUS: Thought that might get your attention.

(realizes everyone in the bar is staring at him)

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Initiative. I like that, but you needn't have bothered. (Angelus walks out of the bar into a back room) I've had my eyes on you for some time.

DRUGGED GIRL: (puts her arms around Angelus) Hey, baby, how 'bout a kiss? (he pushes her away)

ANGELUS: You like to watch, huh?

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: One of the many things we have in common.

ANGELUS: Oh, I don't know about that. I'm more of a hands-on kind of a guy. (to a vampire who's feeding off of a woman) You, scram. (to the voice) OK, come on. You got a pair, or the wind you're blowing up my tailpipe is all you can muster? Hey, here's a kooky idea. Now that I've killed your little pet rock, how 'bout a little face-to-face, huh? Assuming that you've got one.

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Don't worry. (flash to show white-eyed Cordelia in her room at the hotel saying what Angelus is hearing) We'll meet when you're ready.

ANGELUS: Come on. Why the stalling? You whipped up a rain of fire, blotted out the sun, earthquakes...all to maneuver the Brady Bunch into releasing Angel's inner me. Don't you wanna kick the tires?

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: So beautifully vain, but the whirlwind doesn't always revolve around you. Destruction sometimes is its own reward.

ANGELUS: Hey, man, you're preaching to the guy who ate the choir. Wait, it was you, wasn't it? You pulled just the wrong strings to make them think it was their idea. Got 'em to yank that white, fluffy soul, and stuff it in a jar, and then gone, baby, gone.

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Couldn't risk them putting it back in you. I have wonderful plans for you, my sweet boy.

ANGELUS: Um, yeah, but the thing is, as far as plans go, I make my own. So, you know, thanks for stopping by my head.

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: You would dare to defy me?

ANGELUS: Defy who? A big scary voice? Whoa! Hey, I got one of those, too. You wanna hear it? (cups his hands over his mouth) You can kiss my vampire ass! (talking normal again) That do anything for ya?

(back at the Hyperion, Connor interrupts Cordelia)

CONNOR: Hey. Brought you another blanket. Gotta keep warm. You OK?

CORDELIA: (panting) Just a little woozy. Could be the whole Angelus-nailing-me-with-a-crossbow thingy. Or it could be the baby. His way of saying—

(cut back to Angelus)

ANGELUS: (peeved) Hello! Hey, I got places to go, friends to kill—well, not actually my friends, but you get the idea. You got any more bluster you want to blow up there? That's what I thought.

DRUGGED VAMP: Dude, whatever you're on...I'll give you the girl for a gram.

• Funnies
• The Beast, the Beast's Master, Jasmine, etc
• the life & times of Angelus

written by: Steven S. DeKnight & Elizabeth Craft & Sarah Fain; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited and formatted for this site by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season4/transcripts/80_tran.php