(A portal opens. A demon that looks like a cross between Lorne and a Klingon emerges, attacks.)

LORNE: Landok? Is that you?

ANGEL: (lowering his fist) You know him?

LORNE: Yeah. But just because I know his name doesn't mean you can't knock him unconscious. Please, continue.

LANDOK: (to Lorne) Can it really be you? Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan?

LORNE: It's clearly rabid. Do your thing, Angel.

ANGEL: Krevlornswath?

CORDELIA: Of the Deathwok Clan?

LORNE: Eh, ah, I prefer Lorne.

ANGEL: Lorne.

LORNE: Yes. Lorne, if you must. Though I generally don't go by that because -- Green. (Points to his face)

CORDELIA: Huh?

ANGEL: (smiles) Right. Lorne Greene. (Cordelia and Wesley stare at him) Bonanza? Fifteen years on the air not mean anything to anyone here? Okay, now I feel old.

LANDOK: What is this place?

LORNE: It's called Los Angeles, and this isn't exactly one of the hot spots.

LANDOK: Is it a prison? (Raises his sword) Are these your captors?

LORNE: Whoa, big fella. Put the sharp piece of metal down. These are my friends. Angel, Cordelia, Wesley -- Everybody, this is Landok.

LANDOK: (lowers his sword and bows) Landokmar of the Deathwok clan.

CORDELIA: There's that Deathwok clan thing again. Does that mean that the two of you are --

LORNE: Yeah. Cousins.

ANGEL: Your cousin?

LANDOK: Your vanishing was a great mystery to our clan.

LORNE: Long story, boring ending. Really, it wouldn't interest you at all.

LANDOK: It was hoped you had sought atonement by forfeiting your life in the sacrificial canyons of Trelinsk.

LORNE: Well, it's been fun, Landok, but we gotta skedaddle. You'll be just fine. New people come to L.A. every day and manage to find their way around.

LANDOK: Were you abducted into this world as I was?

LORNE: I came through a portal, yes.

LANDOK: Then we will find a path back to our home, Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan. We will return together.

LORNE: Don't know about you, but my ticket was strictly one-way.

LANDOK: You will not return home to remove the shame that you have visited upon your life-giver?

LORNE: Is anyone else getting a little peckish? (Laughs) How does Italian sound, hmm?

LANDOK: Your mother's burden is terrible.

LORNE: Misses her little green boo, does she?

LANDOK: She rips your images into tiny pieces, feeds them to the swine, butchers the pigs and has their remains scattered for the dogs.

LORNE: Sounds like Ma. Tell you what -- you pick the spot. I am game for anything, so --

LANDOK: Does your cowardice know no limits?

LORNE: The nice people really don't wanna hear about our little family issues.

CORDELIA: Sure we do.

WESLEY: Yes, let's hear about the cowardice and shame.

LORNE: Okay, for your information -- not a coward. In fact, my friends and I were just partaking in a Drokken hunt, which, regrettably, we must return to. Now, if you'll excuse us --

LANDOK: There is a Drokken near by? I will assist in the kill.

LORNE: Find your own Drokken.

WESLEY: You know how we can kill it?

LANDOK: All that is required is to pierce it with a weapon dipped in thromite.

LORNE: Sorry, cuz. Thromite -- not exactly existing in this world. Thanks, anyway.

LANDOK: Then killing the Drokken will be most difficult. It is impervious to most wounds.

ANGEL: What if you chop its head off?

WESLEY: Or run it through with a sword?

ANGEL: Or electrocute him with, lets say, a fifty thousand volt charge?

CORDELIA: Yeah, we've had a lot of luck with those things in the past.

LANDOK: Without thromite it will take a mighty blow to destroy the Drokken. It is quite strong and fast. Very difficult to hit.

ANGEL: Well, in order to hit it, we've got to find it first.

LANDOK: I can track the Drokken for you.

WESLEY: You can?

LANDOK: Wherever it roams it leaves behind waves of hostility.

WESLEY: And you can *read* these waves? Amazing! All your people do this?

LANDOK: Those who are willing to submit to training.

LORNE: Oh, everyone on board. Guilt trip leaving this station.

LANDOK: Lead me to where the Drokken entered this world. I will help you slay it.

WESLEY: We'd welcome your help.

LORNE: But ... (watches as they all file past him, then finally follows)

• Funnies
• Lorne's Pylea & family issues

written by: Shawn Ryan; Original transcript by anonymous. Edited, formatted for this site & checked against source by chicken_cem. Checked against source by chicken_cem.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season2/transcripts/41_tran.shtml