CORDELIA: Bright, shiny morning. Nothing bad here. (poltergeist attack) You know what? I get it. You’re a ghost. You’re dead. Big accomplishment! Move on! You see a light anywhere? Go towards it! okay? Uh, cold wind, scary! What are you gonna do? Chap me to death? What else you got? (knock at the door)

ANGEL: (from outside) Cordelia, are you in there? - Cordelia! (she opens) Cactus, housewarming present.

CORDELIA: Um, hi... thanks. Look I’m still getting it just the way I want it. Maybe in a day or two, okay?

DOYLE: Place looks great. You worry too much. Don’t know what you had against that chair, though.

CORDELIA: (to Angel) Oh, that’s right you can’t come in. (Angel steps in) Wait! What about the rule?

ANGEL: You said when you got a place I was completely invited over.

CORDELIA: What? I didn’t even have a place then. These rules are getting all screwed up. (Sees Doyle pull on the curtain cord) Oh my god don’t touch that!

DOYLE: I’m just closing these so our boss doesn’t burst into flames, if that’s all right with you?

CORDELIA: Oh. Yeah, I guess.

ANGEL: This is nice. How about a tour?

CORDELIA: Uh ha, this is the kitchen, living room, I’m gonna knock out that wall. And that’s about it. Oh, and thanks for the cactus.

ANGEL: I can’t believe you can afford this.

CORDELIA: I bet you two want lunch. There's this place down the street… (One of the trophies on the mantel behind the guys flies at Doyle’s neck and Angel catches it) That thing’s been doing that all morning. I think the - mantel is uneven.

DOYLE: That thing lunged at me!

ANGEL: What’s going on?

CORDELIA: Okay, you’re right. It’s not the mantel. It’s a very, *very* bad trophy. (The word ‘Die’ appears on the wall behind Cordy in blood.)

DOYLE: Dear sweet…

ANGEL: Come on.

CORDELIA: I am *not* giving up this apartment!

ANGEL: It’s haunted.

CORDELIA: It’s rent controlled!

DOYLE: Cordy, it says ‘die’!

CORDELIA: Hey, maybe it’s not done yet. Maybe it’s ‘diet’. That’s friendly. A little judgmental, sure. (to Angel) I’m not giving it up. It’s perfect and beautiful. It’s so me. I need it!

ANGEL: You don’t need this. It’s just a place. You’re more than that.

CORDELIA: How? How am I more then that?

DOYLE: We can cleanse it. We can try, can we? Put the ghost to rest?

CORDELIA: (to Angel) Can we?

ANGEL: We can try. But we have to go now. We’ll figure it at the office.

CORDELIA: Okay. Listen good, Casper, you haven’t won a thing here! I’ll die before I give up the apartment! I’ll die! (all exit)

MAUDE: All right dear, if that's what you think is best.

written by: Jane Espenson; Originally transcribed by anonymous. Edited & formatted for this site by: tralf. checked against source by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season1/transcripts/05_tran.shtml