ANYA: Hi.

WILLOW: Oh my god! You're back!

TARA: We've been so worried.

ANYA: Sorry. I needed to...um, you know... I couldn't stay here. Not after everything that happened.

TARA: No! No, we totally understand.

WILLOW: But you're back now. Right?

ANYA: It's... complicated. You know, there's a lot to deal with.

WILLOW: Well, if there's anything we can do, just let us --

ANYA: Actually, there's an eensy something I could use a little help with. You're lesbians, so the hating of men will come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.

(cut to Dawn & Anya)

DAWN: He feels awful.

ANYA: You think it's anywhere close to what I feel?

DAWN: No, but --

ANYA: What if it were you, Dawn? What if all you dreamed about was that magical day? The day when the one person you loved with all your soul would promise to cherish and protect your heart for the rest of his life? But instead he shatters it into a million jagged pieces.

(cut to Tara & Willow)

TARA: Well, it's not really so much about hating the men.

WILLOW: We're more centered around the girl on girl action.

ANYA: And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander.

(cut to Anya talking to Buffy)

BUFFY: I don't think he could feel any worse.

ANYA: Let's test that theory.

BUFFY: Anya, Xander's my friend. I know what he did was wrong and if it had happened to me I'd --

ANYA: (hopefully) -- wish his penis would explode?

(cut to Dawn)

DAWN: I never use that word anymore.

ANYA: Coagulate?

DAWN: W-i-s-h.

ANYA: Oh, wish? As in I wish Xander --

DAWN: Right! That word. There's vengeance demons out there that are still active, remember. Any 'I wish' can totally end in horrible grossness.

ANYA: Gimme a fer-instance?

(cut back to Buffy)

BUFFY: I don't really think I should --

ANYA: Did I mention the whole "left at the altar" thing? Didn't leave that out, did I?

BUFFY: No. Look, I know what he did was wrong. God. If it happened to me, I, ah -- It must have been torture.

ANYA: Okay! Let's talk about torture!

(cut back to Dawn)

ANYA: So, tell me more about wishing Xander's brains and guts would go blooey.

DAWN: I didn't say that.

ANYA: Yes you did.

DAWN: No I didn't.

ANYA: I heard you.

DAWN: I swear, I didn't say that.

ANYA: Didn't say what?

DAWN: Um, I just saw you were back and wanted to talk to you about working off my debt. You know, my whole Sticky- Fingers-Grabby-Hands-thing?

ANYA: Oh! Right, the mad thieving. Good, yes, there 's much to do. (mock stern) I'm gonna put you to work, missy! So, back to Xander's brain and guts...

(cut back to Buffy)

ANYA: Squish squish squish! Guys have been running roughshod over you for years. Torturing that perky little ticker. Aren't you sick of it? Don't you wish guys like that --

BUFFY: Whoa, guys? There have only been four (catches herself) three! Three! three guys! That's barely plural.

ANYA: And didn't each of them rip your heart out? Don't men like that, as to pick an example, Xander, deserve to be punished?

(cut back to Willow & Tara)

WILLOW: Well, Xander is a guy, so it's kinda not the surprise that he likes to watch... Girls... Why are we talking about this?

ANYA: (urgently) We're comforting me!

TARA: Well, I guess it's natural for guys to be interested in --

ANYA: God! What kind of lesbians are you?! If you love men so much, go love men!

(cut to Buffy)

BUFFY: Anya, I know you're hurting, but --

ANYA: What? Xander doesn't deserve to suffer for what he did because he's your friend? And I'm not. Right. I get it.

BUFFY: No, that's not what I'm saying at all. What he did was wrong. He knows that.

ANYA: It just -- it hurts. He hurt me so much.

BUFFY: He really did. Look, I wish...

XANDER: Anya?

ANYA: Congratulations. They all still love you. Even after what you did to me.

(she storms off)

XANDER: Anya, wait...

BUFFY: Okay. Not crazy about that idea.

XANDER: What are you doing? I have to go after her.

BUFFY: Or, in the Land of the Sane, you could give her some space, let her cool down.

XANDER: That's not Proactive Guy. That's Sit-Around-And-Watch-The-Rest-of-Your-Life-To-Turn-To-Crap Guy.

BUFFY: True, but at least Crap Guy gets to keep all of his appendages.

XANDER: And I'm supposed to, what? Walk away? (hating himself) Shouldn't be too hard. It's what I'm good at, right?

(Xander lashes out, kicking the lawn gnome in frustration.)

BUFFY: Okay, see, that's exactly why a heart to heart isn't your best course of action right now. You're both angry and upset and what the hell is that creepy little thing doing in my yard? Did Willow put that there when I was dead? 'Cause if I had known, I would have crawled out of the grave sooner...

XANDER: (sees the camera inside the gnome) Buffy...

BUFFY: Oh my God.

XANDER: Looks like someone's been keeping an eye on all your ins and outs.

BUFFY: What the -- who --

XANDER: Okay, well, let's see. Who's obsessed with Buffy? Who likes to hang out in her yard and keep an eye on her? Who's in love with you but not getting any?

• Anya's Demon heritage
• Funnies
• Xander & Anya

written by: Drew Z. Greenberg; No transcript was available, so I started with the Shooting Script and spent a couple-three hours editing it to match what was said and shown on the broadcast version. Link to a full transcript now available. . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/118entropy.html