Mr. Whitmore: S-E-X. Sex. The sex drive in the human animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings?

XANDER: Yes! Mm-hm.

Mr. Whitmore: That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris, not a poll.

XANDER: Oh.

Mr. Whitmore: Of course, for teenagers such as yourselves these feelings are even more overwhelming. With all sorts of hormones surging through your bodies, compelling you to action, it's often difficult to remember that there *are* negative consequences to, uh, having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence?

CORDELIA: Well, that depends. Are you talking about sex *in* the car or *out* of the car? Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miata at, parked at the top of the hill, and then she kicked the gearshift, and, and...

Mr. Whitmore: (interrupts) Yeah, I, I was thinking of something a little more commonplace, Ms. Chase.

XANDER: You wanna talk negative consequence? What about the heartbreak of halitosis? I mean, a girl may seem spiffy, but if she ignores her flossing the bloom is definitely off the rose.

CORDELIA: Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the Hoover technique is a *big* turn-on.

XANDER: What about having to feign interest in her vapid little chit- chat just so you can get some touch?

Mr. Whitmore: Now. Another consequence of sexual activity? Anyone? (Cordelia raises her hand again) Uh, else?

WILLOW: How about pregnancy? That would be a major one, right?

Mr. Whitmore: Thank you, Ms. Rosenberg! Among teens unwanted pregnancy is the number one negative consequence of sexual activity. So, as discussed last week, I present you with... ...your offspring. You will split into parenting teams. You and your partner will share equally in the daily task of raising your egg. Now, please choose a partner and come pick up your children.

CORDELIA: (to random boy) You wanna have a baby?

XANDER: (to random girl) Hey. I know we just met, but isn't that Xander Jr. you're holding?

• Cordelia's unique world views
• Xander & Cordelia

written by: Marti Noxon; Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/24badeggs.html