(Buffy fights a vampire outside an abandoned warehouse/factory)

BIKER VAMPIRE: I've always wanted to kill the Slayer.

BUFFY: And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really, who's surprised we have all this unexpressed rage?

(they fight)

BUFFY: But honestly? I think I'm expressing mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class...

(The vampire throws her off but she slams him back into the fence again and whips out a stake.)

BUFFY: And I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart.

(Before the vampire can react, Buffy stakes him to dust and slips the stake back into her coat.)

BUFFY: I think that sets the world speed record for closure.

NIGHT WATCHMAN: Hey! Miss, if you're looking for one of those rave parties, I'm afraid you're late. Chased a bunch of kids out of here last night.

BUFFY: Oh, right. Yeah. Darn. My fellow ravers will be so disappointed. It was my turn to bring the Bundt cake.

NIGHT WATCHMAN: You know, if it was my call, I'd let you do whatever you want. It's not like anybody's using this place or nothin'. But they just don't pay me enough to argue with the boss so...

BUFFY: Already gone!

(She turns to leave but the guard stops her.)

NIGHT WATCHMAN: Oh, hey! Hold it, miss. Take your... whatever this is with you.

(He bends over, picks up a glowing yellow orb and hands it to Buffy.)

BUFFY: Thank you.

NIGHT WATCHMAN: Glow balls, huh? (laughs) I swear, I don't get your generation. What is that thing?

BUFFY: (distracted) I'll let you know as soon as I find out.

• Funnies

written by: Douglas Petrie; . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/83noplacelikehome.html