PRINCIPAL WOOD: Now, guys, look, we can settle this one of two ways. You can repaint the walls, or I can suspend you and report this little incident on your permanent record.

PUNK #1: Fine. Do that.

PRINCIPAL WOOD: OK, I was bluffing. I hadn't really thought that one through. Listen, this whole permanent record thing is such a myth anyway. Colleges never ask for anything past your SAT scores, and it's not like employers are gonna be calling up to check to see how many days you missed back in high school. So, listen, I-I could suspend you, but that would mean calling your parents, alerting your teachers, filling out paperwork, and, quite possibly, having to talk to the school board? all of which sounds positively exhausting to me. No. No, I think it would be much easier if I just called the police, let them deal with it. Oh, and, in case you're wondering, this is the part where I'm not bluffing.

PUNK #2: We'll repaint it.

PRINCIPAL WOOD: Good job. (there's a knock at his door) Excuse me. (opens door) Miss Summers. I'm with students.

DAWN: I just wanted to tell you that Buffy won't be coming in today. She's really sick.

PRINCIPAL WOOD: Oh, no.

DAWN: Yeah, last night she was vomiting, and then this morning she was vomiting some more, and then, just when we thought she was done, she was vomiting again.

PRINCIPAL WOOD: Yeah, we got that stomach flu going around.

DAWN: Her exact words were, "I've got stuff coming out of both ends."

PRINCIPAL WOOD: Thank you. That's very helpful.

DAWN: Sure. No problem. (to kids) Hey, guys. How's it going?

PUNK #2: Pretty good.

PRINCIPAL WOOD: Um, tell your sister not to worry about it. We'll soldier on without her here. Just, um, tell her to concentrate on getting better.

DAWN: Yeah, she'll be fine. She just needs to get some stuff out of her system.

• Buffy & Principal Wood

written by: Drew Goddard; Transcribed by: CariCranberry. edited by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/buffy/season7/transcripts/131_tran.php