WILLOW: Care package! Special delivery for the Summers girls. Now, let's see what I have in this sack of mine. Oh, I feel just like Santa Claus, except thinner and younger and female and, well, Jewish. This (to Dawn) is an extra-special gift for your mom, that I know she'll need. A beer hat! See, i-it's got cup holders, and a straw that goes directly into your mouth, and (to Joyce) you can fill it with other stuff than beer. And somehow, when I was in the store this seemed like the most important idea and now there's the whole part where I'm crazy.

JOYCE: It's perfect. Thank you, Willow. You're very sweet.

(Willow hands the beer hat to Dawn.)

WILLOW: Now, let's see, who's next? Dawn, I believe I have something in here for you...

(Joyce is now holding the cup. She puts her hand to her head and grimaces. )

BUFFY: (quietly) Headache?

JOYCE: Just a little one. (smiles) A biggish little one.

(Willow stops going through the bag, looks concerned)

JOYCE: I'm fine! Go on, what else is in that sack of goodies, Willow?

WILLOW: All right. Dawn, to keep you busy.

(She takes out a book marked Spells and hands it to Dawn, who smiles in delight.)

DAWN: Ooh, spells! Thank you, Willow!

(She hurries over to a nearby chair and sits down to read.)

BUFFY: You got her a book on spells. The girl who can break things by just looking at them, now has a book to teach her to ... break things by looking at them?

WILLOW: Oh, well, it doesn't actually have spells in it. Just history, and anecdotes, stuff like that. Oh, Buffy- I have this for you.

(she pulls out a large textbook called "World History" and gives it to Buffy)

BUFFY: Homework? (pouts) Oh. I don't believe in tiny Jewish Santa any more.

WILLOW: (smiling) And a yo-yo.

BUFFY: (smiling) Thank you.

WILLOW: The book is just in case you get a chance to look it over. We're doing World War One now. The last exam was really pretty easy, just underlying causes and trench foot. So it should be no hassle to make it up-

BUFFY: (sighs) I don't even know if I'm gonna take that exam.

JOYCE: (scowling) I'd rip it in half and stick it in bed with me!

(The girls look confused. Dawn looks up from her book. )

BUFFY: (tentatively) Mom?

(Joyce looks confused.)

JOYCE: You know, I think I'm gonna take a little rest now.

BUFFY: Okay. We'll be right outside if you need us.

• Joyce's Illness
• Willow & Buffy

written by: Jane Espenson; Transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com).. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/87listeningtofear.html