LORNE: Come on, guys. I'm telling you I did not do anything.

FRED: Angel? You in here? Ang—

(Angel pops his head up from the floor behind the couch where he's naked with Eve)

ANGEL: Ohh! What?

SPIKE: Hey! Angel's getting some! Good on you, mate!

ANGEL: What's wrong with you?

GUNN: What's wrong with— What are you doing with that—

EVE: Hey. Watch it, pal.

WESLEY: He must be under the effect of Lorne— and Eve, too, presum— presumally.

FRED: (Snorts, points) Prezoomally.

WESLEY: Lorne's doing it—something to all of us.

LORNE: I am not.

WESLEY: Everything he's told us to do, we're doing. Spike's thinking positive, Gunn is peeing all over the office.

FRED: And we're a little bit drunk.

WESLEY: Yes. But not because we drank, because Lorne told us to be drunk.

ANGEL: Lorne told you to pee all over the office?

GUNN: Lord, I hope so.

LORNE: This is crazy. I am not doing this. I would know if I was doing this. I don't even know what this is.

SPIKE: You know, I really love your desk.

EVE: I don't get it. I thought Lorne was just an empath demon.

GUNN: Territory! Wait. This morning, Lorne told me to stake out my territory.

WESLEY: Right. Territorial marking, taken a little too literally.

(Angel & Eve have gone back to making out)

FRED: Hey, guys, keep it in your pants!

LORNE: Ohh. Hey, I did not tell Gunn to go water the ferns. I did not do anything.

GUNN: You had your sleep removed.

WESLEY: What?

GUNN: Yeah. He hasn't slept in a month.

WESLEY: Oh, dear. An empath demon deprived of sleep for that long—

LORNE: What does that have to do with it?

FRED: Something, apparently.

ANGEL: Lorne, why would you let them do that to you?

LORNE: I had to do something, didn't I? I mean, you don't know what I've had to deal with. I'm the center of gravity in a town that's full of borderline disorder celebrities and powerbrokers. All the hand-holding and the ego-stroking and the 4 A.M. Jacuzzi strategy sessions— I just couldn't keep up with it, even without sleeping.

(meanwhile in the background, Wes reprimands Gunn, who has snuck off to pee in the corner)

ANGEL: Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell us? I would have—

LORNE: What? Fired me?

ANGEL: I would've helped you, which is what I'm gonna do now, OK?

(he stands up, realizes he's naked, grabs a couch cushion to cover himself)

LORNE: Well, I—OK.

ANGEL: Wes, Fred, go find Lorne's sleep and figure out a way to put it back in his head.

WESLEY: Yes, sir.

FRED: (salutes) Done and doner.

(Wesley picks Fred up by the waist as he walks out the door with her.)

ANGEL: Lorne, you just stay tight and try not to, you know, talk.

LORNE: Angel, we still got a party going on. Someone has to make sure there's ice in the drinks.

ANGEL: Oh, right.

SPIKE: Ooh, ooh! Me! Me! I'm your people person.

ANGEL: Gunn, go on the floor, see if anyone else is under the Lorne effect.

GUNN: Check.

ANGEL: And stop with the—

GUNN: (head down) Do my best. (walks out)

ANGEL: And, Eve, you stay here with me, we'll have more sex.

EVE: I'm on it.

SPIKE: Brilliant plan. Excellent.

• Funnies

written by: Ben Edlund; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x05_tran.php