BUFFY: I can't just wait around, Will. The disk is no good to me unless you crack it soon.

ANYA: Hey! We worked really hard getting that. Xander delivered clothing.

GILES: Church approved.

BUFFY: Sorry, you guys, but we're on a clock here. Okay, Adam was at that cave so maybe he was there for a reason? I-I can--I can go back, scope it out, track him if I have to.

WILLOW: Right. And then maybe you'll get lucky and he'll still be there and he can rip your arms off for you? Buffy, you can't go back alone.

GILES: You never train with me anymore. He's gonna kick your ass.

BUFFY: (shocked) Giles.

GILES: Sorry. Was it a bit honest? (drunken grin) Terribly sorry.

XANDER: So she doesn't go alone. Giles, weapons all around.

BUFFY: You're not going, Xander. Y-you'd get hurt.

XANDER: Oh. Okay. You and Willow go do the superpower thing, I'll stay behind and putt around the Batcave with crusty old Alfred here.

GILES: Ah-ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had a job.

BUFFY: Willow is not going either. I'm doing it alone.

WILLOW: Oh, great. And then when you have your new "no arms" we can all say "Gee, it's a good thing we weren't there getting in the way of that!"

XANDER: Right! Maybe we can help in other ways? (to Buffy) Want some fighting pants, Buff? I can get ya some new fighting pants!

BUFFY: You guys, this isn't helping.

WILLOW: Oh, wow! We're already getting in the way. We're pretty good at this, Xander, huh?

XANDER: Right. I'm so good at it you might have to ship me off to the Army to get me out of the way!

BUFFY: The Army?

XANDER: You didn't think I knew about that, did you? You two talking about me behind my back.

BUFFY: Us talking about *you*? How about you telling Riley every last detail of my life with Angel?

WILLOW: And besides, when is there any "us two?" You two are the two who are the two. I'm the other one.

XANDER: Uh-huh. But maybe that all changes when I'm doing sit-ups over at Fort Dix?

GILES: Fort Dix?

He bursts out in a wheezing laugh. The three of them stare at him

BUFFY: Are you drunk?

GILES: (happily) Yes. Quite a bit, actually.

BUFFY: Well, stop it! (to Xander and Willow) This is stupid.

XANDER: Stupid? So you finally have the guts to say it to my face?

BUFFY: I didn't say you were stupid! So . . stop being an idiot and let me fix this!

BUFFY: Okay, I need you. I need both of you. All the time! Just . . not now. Adam is very dangerous.

WILLOW: Wait. How do you need me, really?

BUFFY: You're . . good with the computer stuff. (Willow accepts that) Usually. (Willow glares at her) And-and there's the witch stuff.

WILLOW: (accusingly) Witch stuff? What exactly do you mean by "witch stuff?"

BUFFY: You guys, what is happening? This is crazy!

GILES: Oh, no, it's not. It's all finally making perfect sense and I'm not going to miss a moment of it.

(He sets his drink down and tries to sit. But his aim is off and his ass doesn't come close to hitting the chair and he drops to the floor. )

• Angsty Traumatic Confrontations
• Giles' mid-life crisis
• Scoobies

written by: Douglas Petrie; Transcribed by Joseph B. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/76theyokofactor.html