CORDELIA: (sobbing over Lorne's severed head) No. Oh, no. Oh god, please forgive me. This is all my fault. Because I pardoned you - and they - they wanted to teach me a lesson. - You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything. - I don't like it here anymore. - I just wanna go home.

(She covers her face.)

LORNE: Oh, honey, I'm right there with you.

(Cordy pulls her hands from her face, lets out a scream and falls backwards.)

(...)

(Cordy is standing in front of Lorne's head, sustaining one loud, drawn-out scream.)

LORNE: I realize this is a bit of a shock, but I can explain. Take it easy. Okay, get it out of your system. (Laughs a little) That's good. You have to breathe sometime. Good lord, shut up, woman! (She stops, and begins to gasp.) It's not like I have hands to cover my ears here, you know?

CORDELIA: Y-y-you-you're... I-it's...

LORNE: So, please just listen? My people, the fun-loving Deathwok clan, you cut off our heads we just keep on ticking until you mutilate our bodies. Obviously they haven't gotten to my body yet. Probably a backlog in the mutilation chamber. So if we move quickly and quietly...

(The door bursts open and Cordy spins around with a gasp, stepping between the head and the door. Two cow slaves walk in.)

MARKALLO: O sacred princess, are you troubled? We heard a fearful shrieking.

CORDELIA: Oh, the shrieking. It's ah - the royal meditation that I do to help me - focus on the great affairs of state that I must manage.

(Takes a deep breath, spreads her hands and lets out a bellowing shriek.)

MARKALLO: Kaldar, remove the traitor's filthy head from our lady's august presence.

CORDELIA: No, no, no, no, no! I - like the filthy head. That is, ah, I want to defile it more! (Turns and spits on Lorne, who is playing dead) I just keep it - to spit upon, and-and-and when I grow tired of that, I-I-I will make it ah, a planter. A traitor planter - for *all* to see. - - Or maybe a candy dish. (Sighs) You may leave me.

MARKALLO: As you wish noble mistress.

(They leave)

CORDELIA: (wiping Lorne's head with a cloth) I'm sorry about the spittle. I just had to think fast. - This is just pretty unsettling for me.

LORNE: Oh, I'm sure it must be. And after all, I only lost my head! Technically my body.

CORDELIA: Okay, I realize this is a trying experience but I really don't see how *yelling* at me - can help matters.

LORNE: Just put me in a bag and take me to the mutilation chamber.

CORDELIA: I have no idea where the - mutilation chamber might be! I...

LORNE: So, I guess I'll just sit here and die then. Find someone who knows!

• Funnies

written by: David Greenwalt; Original transcript anonymous. Edited, formatted for this site and checked against source by Sylvia.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season2/transcripts/44_tran.shtml