XANDER: Aha! I got it! Uh, here's our villain right here! What?

ANYA: That's a D&D manual, sweetie.

XANDER: No, but it could- Oh.

ANYA: Let's face it, we're not gonna find this thing because it doesn't exist. There's no such thing as a frost monster who eats diamonds.

BUFFY: Well, maybe he doesn't eat them. You know, maybe he just ... thinks they're pretty. (gives up) We suck.

XANDER: We need new brains. What's up with Willow?

BUFFY: Out with Amy, I guess.

ANYA: Great, someone to do more magic with.

BUFFY: But at least she's not all cooped up and crying. That's forward momentum. Now, I know that I don't ... know everything that happened with her and Tara, but it-

XANDER: Tara thinks Willow is doing too much magic. And she's not the only one.

BUFFY: I know. But I-I think she'll be fine. You know, it's, it's Willow. She of the level head.

ANYA: Well, those are the ones you have to watch out for the most. Responsible types.

BUFFY: Right, she might go crazy and start alphabetizing everything.

ANYA: I'm serious. Responsible people are ... always so concerned with ... being good all the time, that when they finally get a taste of being bad ... they can't get enough. It's like all kablooey.

BUFFY: That's not true.

ANYA: Okay, not kablooey, more like bam.

XANDER: It's human nature, Buff. Will's getting a taste of something powerful, way bigger than her.

ANYA: Yeah, she was getting out of control with it before Tara left, and now that she's gone...

XANDER: It's gotta be seductive. Just giving in to it. Going totally wild. We need to keep an eye on her.

BUFFY: Okay. Okay, we'll, we'll keep an eye. But we can't assume that everybody's getting seduced, you know, sometimes-

(the phone rings, Buffy answers) Hello, Magic Box.

SPIKE: Slayer.

BUFFY: Spike?

SPIKE: Meet me at the cemetery. Twenty minutes. Come alone.

BUFFY: Spike?

SPIKE: (rolls eyes, mutters) Bloody hell. Yes, it's me.

BUFFY: You're ... calling me on the phone?

SPIKE: Just be there.

BUFFY: Why? Are you ... helping again? (Buffy speaks louder for Xander & Anya's benefit) You have a lead on this frost monster thingie?

SPIKE: Something like that, yeah. Thought you might be up for a little grunt work.

BUFFY: What?! No, (whispers) no-no grunting!

SPIKE: (grins) I was talking shop, luv, but if you got other ideas ... you, me, cozy little tomb with a view...

(she hangs up on him)

XANDER: So, what did Captain Peroxide want?

BUFFY: Nothing! (nervous) You know, he just, you know, wanted to see if I-I wanted to patrol, for, for the, the monster. But I, I told him that I ... would ... not.

• Buffy & Spike
• Willow's Witchiness

written by: Drew Z. Greenberg; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com); action descriptions shortned by me. . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/109smashed.html