Alfonse: Did you find the girl?

WILLOW: Yep. I did.

ANYA: Where is she?

WILLOW: I killed her.

Anya gives her a look of stunned disbelief.

WILLOW: And sucked her blood, as we vampires do.

The silence is thick with tension, making her nervous. She turns to the doorman.

WILLOW: (quietly aside to him) You know, I think maybe I heard something out there. Why don't you go check?

ANYA: H-how could you kill her? She was our best shot at getting your world back.

WILLOW: I don't like that you dare question me.

Oz notices that something's up.

WILLOW: Maybe I'll have my minions take you out back and kill you horribly.

She sneaks Oz a little smile and wave. He barely reacts, just raising an eyebrow a bit.

ANYA: (muttering) Vampires. Always thinking with your teeth.

WILLOW: (haughtily) She bothered me. She's so weak and accommodating. She's always letting people walk all over her, and then she gets cranky with her friends for no reason. I just *couldn't* let her live.

She steps over to another vampire, indicating the door.

WILLOW: (chummily) You know, he's been gone for a while. Why don't you go check on him? (pats his shoulder approvingly)

Alfonse: (impatiently) Well, Boss, since that plan is out, why don't we get with the killing?

WILLOW: I don't know if I feel like killing anymore. I'm so bored. I-it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Where's the fun?

Alfonse: (smiles grimly) With all due respect, Boss, the fun would be the eating.

WILLOW: (brilliantly) Maybe we should let everyone go, and give them a thirty second head start.

ANYA: (finally figures it out) Wait a minute.

WILLOW: (frowns fretfully) No! I *like* my plan.

ANYA: (snickers) Oh, nice try.

WILLOW: (desperately) Okay, let's get to the killing. (hurriedly to Alfonse) Why don't we start with her?

ANYA: Why don't we start with you? (to Alfonse, in disgust) If she's a vampire, then I'm the creature from the black lagoon.

ANYA: (dispirited) I'm just so tired of being around human beings and all their baggage. I-I don't care if I ever get my powers back. I think he (meaning Alfonse) should eat you.

WILLOW: This girl has a history of mental problems dating back to early childhood. (desperately) I'm a blood-sucking fiend! Look at my outfit!

Alfonse: A human. I should have smelled it right away.

WILLOW: A human? Oh, yeah? Could a human do this?

She screams at the top of her lungs.

ANYA: Sure. Yeah. Humans do that. Yeah. (shrugs)

Alfonse: (concurring) Yeah. Yeah, I think, yeah.

• Willow &/vs Anya

written by: Joss Whedon; . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/50doppelgangland.html