(Cut to ANGEL laying motionless on the street.)

DOYLE: Oh, god, where is Angel? ANGEL!

(Cut to Doyle in the box. A guy is marking a dotted line on his forehead.)

RICHARD: (in lobster bib) Apparently he started a fight. He had to be ejected. Can I get you anything?

DOYLE: How are you going to explain this to Harry, huh?

RICHARD: Oh, Harry will understand. She loves and accepts our culture, like she loved and accepted yours.

DAD: Nick, what's this?

NICK: You said, get a utensil.

DAD: This is a shrimp fork. He's going to eat the guy's brains with a shrimp fork?

NICK: Well pardon me if our ancient ancestors didn't leave behind any former-husband-brain-eating forks.

DAD: Get a soup spoon, you moron.

RICHARD: (to Doyle) Bear with us. We're a little fuzzy on the etiquette. This ritual hasn't been performed in centuries. It's been so long since anyone in the clan's married a divorcee.

DOYLE: Huh?

DAD: The accursed books tell us all very plainly that ingesting a priorly married prospective bride's former primary mate's fresh brains will insure a happy second marriage. This way, Richie can incorporate all the that love you and Harry shared, making their union whole. It's an Ano-movic thing, don't ask.

DOYLE: Look, Richard as much as I like your family, and they're great - honest - I'd really prefer if they *didn't* cannibalize me.

RICHARD: Oh, no! You misunderstand.

DOYLE: I do?

RICHARD: Yeah. You know, it'll just be me.

DOYLE: Why don't I just give you that hug and we can call it even?

RICHARD: You're not trying to back out, are you? Not after you gave your blessing.

DOYLE: Yeah, yeah. I take it back!

RICHARD: Oh. Well. I see. Now I'm not so sure I even *want* to eat your brains!

DAD: Don't be petulant, Richard. You'll eat his brains. He can't take back a blessing. Now, apologize to your friend.

RICHARD: He's right. That, that, was rude. I'd be honoured to eat your brains.

(Cut to Angel getting up and morphing into vamp face.) (Cut to party.)

DAD: Well, I guess we're ready. (Hands over knife) Richard, would you care to make the first cut?

(Angel bursts into the room.)

ANGEL: The party is over.

NICK: You brought a *vampire* to my Brother's bachelor party?

(Huge fight. Doyle's box gets pushed around and the lock snaps open.)

DOYLE: (morphs to demon face) Harry says I should mix with other demons, I'll mix!

(Doyle joins the fray. Harry runs in, followed by Cordelia.)

HARRY: Stop it! Stop it right this instant!

(Everyone stops.)

RICHARD: Hon bun? This is for guys only.

HARRY: I know what you're up to Richard Howard Straley.

RICHARD: The stripper wasn't my idea, pook. I swear.

HARRY: Not the stripper, Richard. There was a stripper?!

RICHARD: You really shouldn't be here.

CORDELIA: Well, *you* shouldn't be trying to eat my friend's brains! You horrible, ugly demon people!

(Doyle sits up next to Cordelia. Cordelia sees his demon face, picks up tray and bashes him over the head, repeatedly.)

ANGEL: (stops her) Easy, Cordelia. It's okay!

CORDELIA: (to Angel) It is so not okay!

(Doyle gets up behind her having morphed back. Cordelia turns and sees marks on his head)

CORDELIA: Doyle! Oh, look what they did to you!

HARRY: (to Richard) I am only going to ask you this once, Richard, and I expect a straight answer: were you, or were you not, intending to eat my ex-husband's brains?

RICHARD: In a way.

HARRY: And when were you planning on telling me?

RICHARD: I thought maybe I wouldn't have to.

HARRY: You were going to start our life out together with deceit?

DOYLE: (to Angel) Sort of missing the point, isn't she?

RICHARD: (to Harry) I was just trying to bless our marriage - like in the ancient teachings.

HARRY: And since when does your family follow the ancient teachings?

UNCLE: We don't flaunt our beliefs, but they're very dear to us.

HARRY: (to Uncle) Oh, *please* Uncle John! When is the last time you pried your self away from ESPN long enough to spill the blood of a she-goat?

COUSIN: Are you going to let her talk to Uncle John like that?

HARRY: (to Richard) You know how I feel about these barbaric Ano-movician customs!

COUSIN: Racist! You're nothing but a racist!

RICHARD: (to Harry) I should have told you. I'm sorry. But unless we complete the ritual my family will never consent to the marriage.

(There are murmurs of assent. Harry gives her engagement ring back to Richard.)

RICHARD: Hon bun?

(She starts to leave, Doyle opens his mouth to speak.)

HARRY: *One* word, Francis, just one and *I'll* eat your brains!

(Angel and Doyle follow her out.)

BROTHER: You don't need her anyway!

COUSIN: Yeah, who wants a wife whose knees only bend the one way?

written by: Tracey Stern; Originally transcribed by anonymous. Edited, formatted for this site and checked against source by Ann.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season1/transcripts/07_tran.shtml