WILLOW: Whoa! Big!

BUFFY: It's nice. And not subterranean. It's very, uh, above-terranean.

ANYA: (to Xander) I want it. Pay anything.

AGENT: (to Riley) Xander Harris?

RILEY: Uh, no, Riley Finn. (shakes her hand) This is Xander.

XANDER: Hey.

AGENT: Ah.

XANDER: I brought my friends.

AGENT: I see.

XANDER: They wouldn't always be around.

WILLOW: But we're clean and-and quiet.

ANYA: (in living room area) We can have the scooby meetings in the living room, and-and Giles can explain the boring things over there.

WILLOW: (going into kitchen) Oh, there's a microwave! It would be like having hot and cold running popcorn.

AGENT: Phone and electricity are hooked up. There's a private balcony, ceiling fan, closet space... (sees Xander opening a door) And that's the bedroom.

(Xander opens the door and finds Buffy and Riley sitting on the bed, smooching.)

XANDER: Guys, you can't save it for the bedroom?

(Buffy and Riley look around pointedly. )

XANDER: Okay, good point.

(He walks away. In the background we see Buffy and Riley getting up. )

AGENT: I brought an application for you to fill out.

XANDER: An application? I can't just ... tell you my references? Because there's Albert.

MANAGER: We run your credit check based on the application.

XANDER: (nervous joking) Oh! Credit check. Little check on the credit. See how credible my checks are.

MANAGER: And we'll be asking for first, last, security, and a small cleaning deposit. The total's at the bottom of the sheet there.

(Xander looks at the sheet. Riley, Buffy, and Willow lean in to look too. Anya comes over and glances briefly at the sheet.)

ANYA: (to Agent) He'll take it. (to Xander) Xander, go get the furniture, I'll wait here. (to Manager) He's been living in his drunken parents' basement where something urinated on the hot plate.

XANDER: (laughs nervously) Anya, can we talk quietly over there? (to Agent) Excuse us.

• Xander's identy issues & insecurities

written by: Jane Espenson; Transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com).. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/81thereplacement.html