DARLA: Hello, lover. Long time no see.

ANGEL: Darla.

CORDELIA: Darla?

WESLEY: Darla!

FRED: Who's Darla?

GUNN: Angel's old flame from way back.

FRED: Not the one that died?

GUNN: Yeah. No, not that one. The other one that died and came back to life. She's a vampire.

FRED: Y'all have a chart or something?

GUNN: In the files. I'll get it for you later.

ANGEL: Well, when did this happen?

DARLA: You know *exactly* when it happened.

CORDELIA: Angel - did - you and Darla...?

ANGEL: Uh... This is impossible.

DARLA: Tell me about it, *daddy*!

CORDELIA: You slept with her?

ANGEL: Vampires can't have children. Wesley?

WESLEY: Ah, no, he's right. It's not possible.

CORDELIA: That's not what I asked.

DARLA: You know we can't. I know we can't. But, we did.

FRED: I wonder if this might not be that bad thing we were expecting.

DARLA: What did you do to me?

(She hits Angel across the face and he stumbles back )

CORDELIA: Stop that!

ANGEL: It's okay. It's alright. I'm okay.

CORDELIA: You'll hurt her! Haven't you done enough? (Turns to Darla) Here, sit down. You should get off your feet. (to others) Can we get her some water?

ANGEL: Cordy that's *Darla.* Maybe you don't want to...

CORDELIA: Did you or did you not look me in the eye and say that you would *never* do a thing like this with her?

DARLA: Oh, he lied? What a surprise.

FRED: Hi. I'm Fred. Is water okay, or did you want some blood?

ANGEL: Cordy. I'm sorry - I lied. It was just - it was a very dark time.

CORDELIA: Oh! You used her to make *you* feel better during *your* dark time. Well, that makes it *all* heroic.

ANGEL: It wasn't like that. It just - happened. It wasn't like I went *evil* or anything, I just...

CORDELIA: You just went male. (to Darla, sympathetic) Have you been to a doctor.

DARLA: No. But I have been to every shaman and seer in the Western Hemisphere.

WESLEY: And what did they say?

DARLA: They don't know what it is. They don't know what it means. Nothing like this has ever happened.

ANGEL: Maybe it's an hysterical pregnancy.

DARLA: You wanna feel it kick?

CORDELIA: Does it kick a lot?

DARLA: Like crazy.

ANGEL: well, now wouldn't that be the first sign of... (Cordy gives him a look) ...hysteria?

CORDELIA: What can we do for you?

DARLA: Well, you can get your little gang of supernatural detectives to find out what the hell is happening to me and how to stop it.

CORDELIA: Are you gonna take some responsibility here? (Looks up at Angel) Angel?

ANGEL: Oh, me? - Of course I am. - Wes, lets get on this right now.

WESLEY: What do you suggest?

ANGEL: I suggest you use your books and find out what's going on. What, do I have to think of everything?

(Wes picks up a book from the counter and opens it.)

WESLEY: Oh, here it is. (sarcastic) It says 'I have absolutely no idea what's going on.' (Closes the book) We should talk to the host.

• Cordelia & Angel
• Darla & Angel
• Darla's Pregnancy

written by: David Greenwalt; Original transcript anonymous. Edited and formatted for this site by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season3/transcripts/51_tran.shtml