WILLOW: Damn love spell. I have tried every anti-love spell spell I could find.

ANYA: Even if you find the right one, the guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love spell spell... spell.

WILLOW: What? (doorbell rings, she stands) I'll get it. Maybe it's Xander with some answers from the brother.

(opens the door)

WILLOW: Oh, you have to be?

RJ: I was looking for Buffy. Miss Summers.

WILLOW: Buffy's not here. Go away!

RJ: Are you sure?

ANYA: No Buffy for you. Leave quickly now.

RJ: Uh-huh. OK. Tell her to call me.

WILLOW: Man...

ANYA: Good thing Buffy and Dawn are upstairs. If they knew he was here...

(As R.J. walks away, Anya & Willow fall for the spell. Cut to a little later)

WILLOW: But you don't even know him!

ANYA: Yes, I do. I looked into him and saw his soul.

WILLOW: He was walking away, so unless his soul was in his ass?

ANYA: A.J. is my best friend and my dearest darling?

WILLOW: It's R.J. And what you were picking up on was his deep caring and devotion to me.

DAWN: What's going on?

ANYA: Willow thinks she's in love with my boyfriend, R.J.

DAWN: What? No! You two can't do this.

BUFFY: Willow, you're a gay woman?and he isn't.

WILLOW: This isn't about his physical presence. It's about his heart.

ANYA: His physical presence has a penis!

WILLOW: I can work around it!

DAWN: This isn't fair! How can you all be doing this to me?

BUFFY: OK, wait. Everyone wait. Just calm down, OK? I-I think I know what this is. Clearly, you've both been affected by the same love spell that got Dawn.

DAWN: Uh! This isn't a spell. He owns my heart.

BUFFY: Dawn, be quiet. We're trying to work this out. We don't need you interfering.

WILLOW: There's a simple answer to this. Just think about who loves him the most. Clearly I do, since I'm willing to look past the whole orientation thing.

DAWN: I need him.

ANYA: Well, you're gonna have to do better than that?I'd kill for him.

WILLOW: You'd kill for a chocolate bar.

BUFFY: No. Yes! Kill for him. I'm the slayer. Slayer means kill. Oh, I'll kill the principal.

ANYA: Ooh, that is hard to top.

WILLOW: Yeah, well I have skills. I can prove my love with magic.

ANYA: Yeah, right. What're you gonna do?use magic to make him into a girl? (realizes Willow's gonna do it) Damn. Ooh, I know what he'll like.

BUFFY: Sorry, Dawnie. You're never gonna get him.

DAWN: No. Never.

• Funnies

written by: Drew Z. Greenberg; Transcribed by: CariCranberry. Edited by me. . Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/buffy/season7/transcripts/128_tran.php