ANDREW: Dude. Move like, a foot to your left.

JONATHAN: What for?

ANDREW: I'm trying to hear something.

JONATHAN: Like what?

ANDREW: Signals.

JONATHAN: Oh for crying out loud! Signals? Who from, your probe-happy alien friends? Say - maybe we can trade a pack of cigarettes in for tin foil - make you a nice little antenna hat...

ANDREW: Laugh it up, Fuzzball. I figured it out. Warren never abandoned us. Well, not me, anyway. This is like his test. If we can figure out how he's communicating with us, then we'll be, you know, worthy.

JONATHAN: You're checking for implants?

ANDREW: (defensive) Lex Luthor had a false epidermis escape kit in Superman versus the Amazing Spider-Man Treasury edition ...

JONATHAN: Okay, first of all, those were sonic disrupters and second of all ...you are sadness personified. Waiting for Warren? Yeah, maybe he'll come bust us out of here on Santa's magic sleigh.

ANDREW: I'm telling him you said that.

JONATHAN: Why wait - I'll tell him right now. (talks into Andrew's elbow) Hey, Warren, do you read me? Your girlfriend's pathetic, over.

ANDREW: Shut up, Jerk-athan! You see this? This is why *we* get the jet packs and all *you* get is left behind.

JONATHAN: So you admit it.

ANDREW: Why not? You were out of the Trio a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away and you wanna know why, little feller? No respect for the chain of command.

JONATHAN: Yeah, see how far it's gotten you? Checking every hole in your sad little body for transmitters that don't exist.

ANDREW: Oh, I'll find it if I have to check every hole in my body *and* yours.

JONATHAN: Get off!

ANDREW: Make me!

• Buffy vs the Legion of Dorkness (Trio)

written by: Douglas Petrie; No transcript available, so I started with the Shooting Script and spent a couple-three hours editing it to match what was said and shown on the broadcast version. . Full transcript at: