PRINCIPAL WOOD: We'll sort of feel our way around. Some students will be sent to you, and others, I'm hoping, will start to come in on their own.

BUFFY: What if they don't? Should I panic?

PRINCIPAL WOOD: You'll be surprised, Buffy. You're the youngest, and, uh, least stuffy member of this faculty. I think the students are gonna want to come in and talk to you. And when they do, don't evaluate them. Just listen. They need to feel like there's someone around here who actually understands them.

BUFFY: (excited) Can I give detention?

PRINCIPAL WOOD: OK by me. A little authority can be a wonderful thing. Just remember that while you are here to help, you're not here to be their friend. Trust me, you open that door, and these students will eat you alive.

BUFFY: You heard about Principal Flutie, right?

PRINCIPAL WOOD: Hmm?

BUFFY: Forget it.

PRINCIPAL WOOD:OK then. And, Buffy, relax. There's only three things these kids understand: the boot, the bat, and the bastinada. (chuckles, no response from Buffy) It's the... it's a... it's a bad joke. It's the bastinada. No one ever knows what that thing is.

BUFFY: Wooden rod to slap the soles of the feet in Turkish prisons, but if made with the correct wood makes an awesome Billy club.

PRINCIPAL WOOD: I think you're gonna fit in just fine. Is there something else?

BUFFY: Um, yeah. Uh, just one more thing. (stands) I was, uh, just curious, you know, uh--not that I'm not grateful or anything. But, uh, I guess I was wondering why I--

PRINCIPAL WOOD: Have this job?

BUFFY: I still haven't finished college.

PRINCIPAL WOOD: I know.

BUFFY: Was it my sparkling personality? Or maybe you enjoyed my work at the Doublemeat Palace?

PRINCIPAL WOOD: I'm a vegetarian. These students need someone around here who understands them, and I need someone who understands these students. Why? Is there something about you that I don't know that maybe I should?

BUFFY: Nothing I can think of.

PRINCIPAL WOOD: Oh, if you'll excuse me. First catch of the day. I'll be in my office if you need me.

BUFFY: Thanks. I'm just gonna have a look around. Get to know the place. Make sure it's all... school-like.

• Buffy & Principal Wood

written by: Douglas Petrie; Originally transcribed by: CariCranberry. Action descriptions & formatting edited by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/buffy/season7/transcripts/124_tran.php