XANDER: (seeing Anya) Oh my God. How are you?

ANYA: Ducky. You?

XANDER: Ahn. Please. Let me... explain. I know that there's nothing I can do or say to make up for what I did. I can't -- sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I'm like, oh God, is this my life? Was that me?

ANYA: (quiet) Me too.

XANDER: But you gotta believe me, please, I want to make up for it. I want to take away the hurt, I love you so much. (pause) I may have practiced that a couple of times, in front of the mirror.

ANYA: I just... I don't understand what happened.

XANDER: I do. I'm an idiot. All I had to do was say something earlier. I could have spared you from that... that nightmare.

ANYA: Said something about what?

XANDER: (realizing he's in trouble now) No, no, I mean, you know, if I were like, more... self-aware. Because, with the whole idiot thing.

ANYA: If you had been more self-aware, you would have, what? been able to stop the wedding?

XANDER: No, no, it's not like that, that's not what... Okay, see, I didn't practice this part.

ANYA: Do you still want to get married? (no response) Oh.

XANDER: Ahn, it's a very complicated question.

ANYA:(weepy) No, actually, it's really not. It's kind of an either-or deal. Do you want to get married?

XANDER: Someday, yes, very much. When we're ready. I don't want you to take that as a bad thing, it's good. I love you, I love you so much, I'm just trying to be honest with you --

ANYA: Yes, honesty now. (very bitter) Congratulations, Xander, on being honest now, I wonder what the medal will say?

XANDER: Okay, clearly I'm not handling this well.

ANYA: (angry, yellling) Well, duh!

XANDER: All I want is for us to be together. I love you. I wish we could go back to the way things were before.

ANYA: (demon face/voice) And I wish you were never born!

(commercial)

XANDER: I know this is all coming out wrong.

ANYA: I wish you felt the pain of a thousand searing pokers boiling your heart in its own juices!

XANDER: I know, honey. I totally deserve that.

ANYA: I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut!

XANDER: (pained) They are.

ANYA: (brightening) Really? Right now? Does it hurt?

XANDER: God, yes. It hurts so bad it's killing me. Anya, I love you. I want to make this work.

ANYA: (getting it) Those are metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain! (to herself) What's wrong with me?

XANDER: No honey, it's not you, it's me. I'm the one that --

ANYA: (frustrated) Gaggghh!! (She storms out.)

XANDER: Ahn, wait. Please...Ahn?

• Xander & Anya

written by: Drew Z. Greenberg; No transcript was available, so I started with the Shooting Script and spent a couple-three hours editing it to match what was said and shown on the broadcast version. Link to a full transcript now available. . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/118entropy.html