SNYDER: A lot of educators tell students, 'Think of your principal as your pal.' I say, 'Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner.' Tell me, who do you think is the most troublesome student in this school? Well, it is quite a match between you two. On the one hand, Buffy hasn't stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel.

Sheila: I didn't stab anyone with a trowel. They were pruning shears.

SNYDER: On the other hand, Sheila has never burned down a school building.

BUFFY: W-well, that was never proven. The Fire Marshall said i-it coulda been mice.

SNYDER: Mice.

BUFFY: M-mice that were smoking?

SNYDER: The two of you seem to be tied in the class-cutting and fight- starting events. You really are neck and neck here. It's quite exciting.

Sheila: What does the winner get?

SNYDER: Expelled. Thursday is Parent- Teacher night. Your parents, assuming you have any, will meet your teachers, assuming you have any left. I've decided to put the two of you in charge of this event. You have three days to prepare the refreshments, make the banners and transform the school lounge into a habitable place for adults. This will incur my good will. And may affect what I tell your parents when I meet them. Are we clear?

BUFFY: I'm clear. (to Sheila) Don't you feel clear? We're very clear.

SNYDER: Good. Because you mess up this time, and your parents will be coming to clean out your lockers.

• Snyder vs Everyone

written by: David Greenwalt; Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/15school.html