WILLOW: This shouldn't take long. I'm probably the only girl in school who has the coroner's office bookmarked as a favorite place.

CORDELIA: Hi. Sorry to interrupt your little undead playgroup, but I need to ask Willow if she'll help me with my science fair project.

WILLOW: It's a fruit.

CORDELIA: I would've asked Chris to help me, but then that would've brought back too many memories of Daryl.

WILLOW: I found it! Meredith Todd died in a car accident last week.

CORDELIA: Of course I have learned to deal with my pain.

BUFFY: How was her neck?

WILLOW: Fine, except for being broken.

CORDELIA: Hello! Can we deal with my pain, please?

GILES: There, there.

(He pats her on the shoulder and continues up into the stacks.)

WILLOW: It says that Meredith and two other girls in the car were killed instantly. They were all on the Fondren High Pep Squad, on the way to a game.

BUFFY: You know what this means.

XANDER: That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body count competition this year?

BUFFY: She wasn't killed by vampires. Somebody did dig up her corpse.

CORDELIA: Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word 'corpse' in it?

XANDER: Okay, so we got a body snatcher. What does that mean?

GILES: Uh, h-here's what I've come up with. Demons who eat the flesh of the dead to absorb their souls. Or, i-i-it could obviously be a, a voodoo practitioner.

WILLOW: You mean making a zombie?

GILES: Uh, zombies, more likely. For most traditional purposes a voodoo priest would require more than one.

BUFFY: So, we should see if the other girls from the accident are AWOL, too. Maybe we can figure out what this creep has in mind if we know whether or not he's dealing in volume.

XANDER: So, we dig up some graves tonight?

WILLOW: Oh, boy! A field trip! Are you gonna call Angel?

BUFFY: I don't think so.

XANDER: Yeah, why bother him, huh?

BUFFY: Angel and I have been, um... Never mind. As far as Angel's concerned, I'm taking the night off, okay?

XANDER: So, we're set then. Say, nineish? BYO shovel?

WILLOW: And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered doughnuts?

XANDER: Me.

WILLOW: Cordelia?

CORDELIA: Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew we were gonna be digging up dead people sooner. I would've canceled.

XANDER: Alright, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?

(Cordelia huffs and leaves the library.)

GILES: Xander?

XANDER: Huh?

GILES: Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living.

XANDER: Yeah, I knew that. But did you see the look on her face?

• Cordelia & Scoobiage

written by: Ty King; Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/14assembly.html