ANYA: This is the man that I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine!
But I'm out of the biz
The name I made, I'll trade for his
The only trouble is (pause)
I'll never tell.


XANDER: She is the one
She's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace.
Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight- (catches himself)
Embrace! Tight embrace!
I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - no.
I'll never tell.

BOTH: 'Cause there's nothing to tell.

ANYA: He snores.

XANDER: She wheezes.

ANYA: Say 'housework' and he freezes.

XANDER: She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe.

ANYA: I talk, he breezes.

XANDER: She doesn't know what "please" is.

ANYA: His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe!

BOTH: The vibe gets kind of scary

XANDER: Like she thinks I'm ordinary

ANYA: Like it's all just temporary

XANDER: Like her toes are kind of hairy

BOTH: But it's all very well
'Cause god knows, I'll never tell!

ANYA: When things get rough, he
Just hides behind his Buffy!
Now look, he's getting huffy
'Cause he knows that I know.

XANDER: She clings
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She nev-

ANYA: His eyes are beady!

XANDER: This is my verse, hello! She-

ANYA: (spoken) Look at me! I'm dancing crazy!

(they do a dance)

BOTH: You know...

XANDER: You're quite the charmer.

ANYA: My knight in armor.

XANDER: You're the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple- (catches himself)
Tight embrace!

ANYA: He's swell

XANDER: She's sweller

ANYA: He'll always be my feller

XANDER: That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified.

ANYA: I've read this tale
There's wedding, then betrayal
I know there'll come the day I'll want to run and hide.

BOTH: I lied
I said it's easy
I've tried
But there's these fears I've can't quell


XANDER: Is she looking for a pot of gold?

ANYA: Will I look good when I've gotten old?

XANDER: Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?

ANYA: When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?

XANDER: Am I crazy?

ANYA: Am I dreamin'? XANDER:

Am I marrying a demon?

BOTH: We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell!
So, thank god, I'll never tell!
I swear that I'll never tell!

XANDER: My lips are sealed

ANYA: I take the Fifth

XANDER: Nothing to see
Move it along

BOTH: I'll never Tell!

• Xander & Anya

written by: Joss Whedon; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com). Action descriptions shortened by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/107oncemorewithfeeling.html