(There's a knock on the door.)

ANGEL: Come in.

(Gunn walks in carrying a loaded crossbow, followed by Wes, Fred and Cordy.)

WESLEY: Sorry to intrude. We had a bit of a breakthrough with the Nyazian Scroll translation. I thought you should know.

FRED: It turns out that some of the irregular verbs Wes was using were problematic when converted to Ga-shundi because of the Nyazian trick of converting both nouns and verbs, which he discovered by... - Sorry. I'll shut up now so he can tell you what he figured out.

WESLEY: The Tro-clan isn't a person or persons. It's a confluence of events.

CORDELIA: Which means it not only involves you, Darla and the child, but other horrible things we don't know about.

ANGEL: That... That's good. Right? I mean, doesn't that mean that the kid isn't this evil, apocalyptic thing that we feared?

WESLEY: Not necessarily. There are a few Nyazian phrases related specifically to the thing being born that I haven't been able to complete.

ANGEL: So it's important that you so.

GUNN: Because we need to know what kind of bun is in the oven.

DARLA: I know one thing about it. Something's protecting it.

FRED: How do you know that?

DARLA: Because I can't get rid of it.

FRED: Sorry I asked.

GUNN: (with crossbow) So you're saying, if I shot this into your stomach, it wouldn't do anything?

DARLA: Fire away.

ANGEL: No one is firing anything.

WESLEY: Angel's right. Clearly something wants this thing to come to term. We'll wait for it to be born then we'll chop its head off.

FRED: Well, what if it doesn't have a head?

CORDELIA: We're gonna need a really big mallet.

GUNN: If it skitters, we should have a net or something. Maybe a flame thrower.

ANGEL: Flame thrower? No, no. There'll be no throwing of flames. Nobody's gonna do anything until we know exactly what's going on. Now, if anybody has a problem with that they should leave - now.

(Darla gets up, shrugs and walks towards the door. Angel pulls her back.)

ANGEL: Not you.

(Angel sighs and takes a step closer to the others.)

ANGEL: Come on, guys. How about it? Cordy?

CORDELIA: You want me to protect the vampire bitch who bit me *and* her evil love child?

(Cordy punches Darla in the face)

CORDELIA: (smiling at Angel) Okay, I'm in.

(Darla leans on the chair and moans.)

CORDELIA: Oh, come on, tough girl. You're a vampire. A punch in the nose shouldn't hurt that much.

FRED: Not ow her nose. She's having contractions.

(...)

ANGEL: How long since the last contraction?

FRED: About twenty minutes. They're still real irregular.

DARLA: Something's wrong. The pain...

ANGEL: You like pain.

DARLA: This is different. I want it out - now!

WESLEY: That's exactly what's happening, Darla. You're in the first stage of labor.

ANGEL: Labor, that's - that's good, right? How long does it usually last?

WESLEY: It varies. On average, the whole thing, maybe eighteen hours.

DARLA: Eighteen hours? That's too long!

ANGEL: Alright. Easy. Lie down.

(Angel helps onto the bed as the others leave and close the door behind them.)

ANGEL: I'll be right back.

(Angel follows the others out.)

ANGEL: Guys, we got to figure out what's inside of her now, before it skitters out.

GUNN: We should get a demony doctor in here. You know, someone who understands how her vampire girl parts work. (Cordy looks at him) You know what I'm saying.

CORDELIA: Well, didn't she already try that whole shaman, voodoo, witch doctor thing?

ANGEL: Yeah. She did.

FRED: I don't suppose she ever went to like a normal doctor or a hospital?

CORDELIA: Hey, there's an idea: hospital. Oh, wait, they don't admit vampires.

ANGEL: Who says we have to admit?

WESLEY: Of course. We don't need the right doctor, we just need the right equipment.

• Angel & Connor
• Darla's Pregnancy
• Troclon Prophecy, Sahjahn, etc

written by: Jeffrey Bell; Original transcript anonymous. Edited and formatted for this site by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season3/transcripts/52_tran.shtml