(Andrew is suspended à la "mission impossible", stealing a diamond)

WARREN: Dude, what are you doing?

JONATHAN: We're not breaking into Langley here. It's Sunnydale.

ANDREW: Well, you never know what new stuff they have, better safe than-

WARREN: Okay, the security system here is a guy named Rusty. (spins Andrew)

WARREN: Now get up.

ANDREW: Whoa, head rush. Cool.

WARREN: Guys, come on, quit jerking around. (starts cutting glass with a blow torch)

ANDREW: See, that's cool. How come he gets to play with all the cool stuff?

JONATHAN: Because I'm allergic to methane and you're still afraid of hot things?

ANDREW: (pouty) I know.

JONATHAN: Besides, the tank kept making both of us tip over, remember?

WARREN: Got it!

JONATHAN: It's beautiful.

WARREN: Boys, congratulations, Phase One of the plan is now complete. Let's get the hell outta here.

RUSTY: What are you boys doing?

WARREN: Um, we're with a tour group. (pauses) The Get-The-Freeze-Ray tour group. Musta gotten separated.

RUSTY: Museum closed five hours ago.

WARREN: Really?

RUSTY: Uh-huh.

WARREN: Huh! Guess we just lost track of time, we should probably get the *freeze ray* out of here now. 'Cause we love the learning, Rusty. Museums, libraries, Disney Hall of Presidents ... not boring. But more to the point? Good-bye.

(Jonathan shoots Rusty with the freeze ray)

WARREN: Dude, that is so cool!

ANDREW: The freeze ray totally worked.

JONATHAN: Yeah, uh, not exactly.

WARREN: So there's a kink or two. It's just a prototype. I mean, soon we'll have-

JONATHAN: Hey, that's really neato and stuff, but in the meantime, you know ... ow!

WARREN: Be a bigger wuss.

JONATHAN: Can we just go back to the lair? Because ... I can't ... really feel my fingers.

WARREN: Yeah, yeah, come on.

ANDREW: Is he gonna like-

WARREN: Oh, he'll be fine. Yeah, he'll defrost in a couple of days, no harm, no foul.

ANDREW: Won't he tell on us?

WARREN: And say what? 'Two guys and a mime took me out with their freeze ray'? That's likely. Come on!

• Buffy vs the Legion of Dorkness (Trio)

written by: Drew Z. Greenberg; transcribed by Joan the English Chick (pisces@englishchick.com); action descriptions shortned by me. . Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/109smashed.html