CORDELIA: Okay, we fade up on an aerial shot, downtown, skyscrapers, lights, yada, yada, yada. We hear a narrator, preferably famous -- maybe that bald Star Trek guy or one of the cheaper Baldwins -- and he says: 'it's a big, bad city out there.' Cut to a woman walking down a dark, spooky street, alone. We'll cast some beautiful, young actress, maybe an up-and-coming starlet whose carrier's on the verge of taking off (we see Cordy walking down a dark street). Anyway, she's all nervous, right? Mucho vulnerable. The voice guy says: 'danger lurks around every corner.' Boom! She's attacked by a big, ugly goon, with a knife. She screams: 'help! Is there no one to help me?' 'Well now there's someone who'll answer your call. (We see a dark figure in a long trench coat) He'll protect you, (dark guy beats up big, ugly goon), and catch you when you fall! You can count on it.

ANGEL: And you can count on me, because I'm the Dark Avenger.

(cut to the office, where Cordy has a video camera)

ANGEL: I'm the what?

CORDELIA: (excited) The Dark Avenger.

ANGEL: I'm the Dark Avenger.

CORDELIA: I know, it's perfect! We can shoot it ourselves on High 8. I'll charm a post-production house into doing the effects and... Look, I know a little something about self-promotion! Angel, I'm telling you one commercial like this could help get us out of the red - or the black - or which ever one means we're broke, 'cause that's us. So what? Buffy blows into to town and puts you in a permanent funk and I'm just supposed to stand around and watch our business go belly up?

(Angel has exited during her tirade, ignoring her)

DOYLE: He's not entirely wrong, you know... Look, all I'm saying is advertising a superhero who can't really go out in the daylight might raise vampire suspicions, not to mention our pesky lack of an investigator's license.

CORDELIA: And who needs a license when we have no clients?

DOYLE: We'll manage, princess. We always do.

CORDELIA: We will if we project the right image. And now I am suddenly thinking that Angel is all wrong for this commercial! He's a larger-than-life character, way too Braveheart for Joe-Couch-potato to relate to. We need someone who's... who's average, (looks Doyle up and down), run of the mill, ordinary. You're perfect.

DOYLE: While I appreciate the compliments...

CORDELIA: Come over here into the light, and let's see if we can create some cheekbones.

DOYLE: Cordelia, I'm not the photogenic type. Plus I get dry mouth.

CORDELIA: Excuse me? This is *not* a negotiation. This is a *necessity*. Our boss is in a funk. You *know* that he's only happy when he's fighting evil. Now let's drum up some!

DOYLE: I don't know what we need evil for when we got you right here.

CORDELIA: I heard that!

• Angel's batman-ness
• Cordelia & Angel
• Cordelia & Doyle
• Money, Finances, etc

written by: Howard Gordon and Tim Minear; Originally transcribed by anonymous. Edited, formatted for this site and checked against source by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season1/transcripts/09_tran.shtml