ANYA: I know how you feel. Maybe I can help.

BLOND: How could Carl do that to me? That bastard!

ANYA: He's a man. Look no further.

BLOND: But with my sister? She's not even pretty!

ANYA: (guiltily) Well, it isn't always about looks. Or a beating heart. Sometimes intimate sweaty relations with the wrong person just seems like a good idea at the time.

BLOND: She's fat! He cheated on me with my fat ugly sister!

ANYA: Likes 'em fleshy, huh? Bet you wish he'd bloat up a couple thousand pounds and pop like a big ol' meat zeppelin, don't ya?

BLOND: (sobbing) He said he loved me!

ANYA: (sarcastic) Gee, then I guess he must have meant it, 'cause hey -- guys never say anything they don't *really* mean, do they?

BLOND: But we --

ANYA: They say, "I love you," and you think it's true. They say, "Oh, Anya, I want to be with you for the rest of my life," and you believe them, you believe they feel the same way about *you*, because that's the way love's supposed to be, right?

BLOND: Who's Anya?

ANYA: And then you get all excited with the tingly anticipation, but wait! Not so fast! There's the apocalypse and the back from the grave and the blah blah blah and by the time you're finally standing there in that beautifully expensive white dress you've dreamed about ever since you became human, he gets all heebie-jeebie and decides, you know, I'd rather just go steady.

BLOND: Men suck. I wish Carl's flesh were --

ANYA: You know, he said it isn't me, but how can I believe him? I mean, he knew he didn't want to get married. Deep down he knew, but he lied to me every day for months.

BLOND: I wish --

ANYA: He lied and lied and then lied some more, 'cause hey - who's gonna notice with all the other lies flying around like little monkeys. Then he thinks he can just sweep the carnage under the rug by saying ...

• Anya's Demon heritage
• Xander & Anya

written by: Steven S. DeKnight; No transcript available, so I started with the Shooting Script and spent a couple-three hours editing it to match what was said and shown on the broadcast version. . Full transcript at: