(chased, Fred falls, and ends up in an underground cavern, attached by a small demon)

FRED: Ohh! Get off!

(menaces it with an ax)

CREATURE: (panicked) I'm vegetarian!

FRED: Really? With those choppers?

CREATURE: OK. I eat fish and occasionally vermin, but that's it, I swear! You believe me, don't you?

FRED: You're still breathing, aren't you?

CREATURE: More like hyperventilating. You scared the cream cheese outta me. What're you doing?

(Fred starts taking of her jacket)

CREATURE: Don't—don't do that. (Fred ignores him, and looks under her shirt at her wound) Go on. Get a room.

FRED: Sit down! Any monkey business, and I'll chop you down like a cherry tree.

CREATURE: So, we just gonna sit here like this?

FRED: Maybe.

CREATURE: Can you give me a time frame? Because I got a bladder the size a jujube.

FRED: Shut up! I'm trying to figure some stuff out.

(...)

CREATURE: Kinda drafty in here, what with that hole you smashed in the roof. You mind if I quest for fire? (stands, Fred stands and rears back the axe threateningly) Forget it. I'll just freeze to death. Not like I care anymore. On the run like an animal.

FRED: You don't live here?

CREATURE: Do you live in a dirt hole?

FRED: No.

CREATURE: Do you want to live in a dirt hole?

FRED: No.

CREATURE: Then why the hell do you think that I live in a dirt hole?

FRED: You're a demon.

CREATURE: I'm an executive demon, thank you very much. I had an office and an assistant and a beautiful porcelain cup for my tea. Now I live in a dirt hole because of those freakin' Jasmaniacs and their demon jihad!

FRED: Wait. You're here because of Jasmine? Me too. I'm a fugitive too.

CREATURE: Wow. Amazing. Two beings dissimilar as you and me discovering a shared link against a common foe. Huh. The irony. My feelings for you are changing. (shrugs) I feel warmth. (sighs) Wait. No, I don't. (holds up hands) That's just me wetting myself because you wouldn't let me pee! Thanks for nothing.

FRED: Hey, I'm as new to this fugitive thing as you are. That's what I've been trying to suss out all night—how Jasmine controls people. We have to stop her!

CREATURE: OK, fine, we'll stop her, but not tonight. Not 'til I've had a little shuteye. (pulls up his blanket from a pile on the floor) I'm beat. (Fred sees a pile of severed human hands under the blanket) Huh. Hey, these yours? 'Cause I've never seen 'em before. Why would anyone keep a stash of these tasty little—uh, disgusting meaty things like this laying around? (shrugs) OK, so, not a vegetarian. (breaks a finger off the hand, takes a bite of it, offers the hand to Fred) Finger food? (lunges at Fred, growling) I got your demon jihad right here!

(they scuffle, Fred manages to kill it with the ax)

• Funnies

written by: Jeffrey Bell; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited and formatted for this site by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season4/transcripts/85_tran.php