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When I started this, I wasn't really sure if it was going to turn out to be an essay exactly. I had a sneaking suspicion that it would be a lot more rambling, inconclusive and unstructured than I'd like it to be before I go tossing phrases like "essay" around. I'd been trying to figure out what exactly I thought about the whole Holtz drama and I thought if I just started writing, maybe something would emerge. Well, now that it's written, I'm still not going to call it an essay. It's a ramble. A stream of conscious exploration. A stroll through season 3 Angel, the series, concentrating on everyone's favorite vengeful vampire hunter, Daniel "Must Kill Darla & Angelus" Holtz. So, here's fair warning: It's *really* long, it's not particularly well organized, and though I do believe there are at least a couple of points buried in here somewhere, I won't blame anyone who can't find them. You might need a flash light, maybe a couple of days worth of food. But I figured that if I go ahead and post this now, that'll probably stop me from adding random paragraphs and my trademark parenthetical asides to it and growing it even longer. So in the interest of preventing it from getting more out of hand than it already is, here goes...
NOTE: I've also created a 6 minute 19 second audio mix containing many of the quotes featured on this page. You may download it, and view a full sized version of the collage above, by visiting the Holtz page at Tangled Synthesis. Remember to listen to it with headphones, there are a lot of left-right stereo effects that work much better when they're happening right in your ears...
So, let's see, where to begin? Up until the end of Benediction I'd managed to remain fairly neutral about Holtz. I was interested, but certainly not mesmerized. I was basically sitting back and waiting to see where that story was going before getting really invested. The last five minutes of Benediction, however, changed all that.
I know some people are harboring reservations about what actually happened, but I'll say up front that that's the one thing I'm absolutely decided on. Holtz definitely got Justine to make his death look like Angel's work, thus setting Connor on the warpath. I don't think you can argue that it was a coincidence, or an accident, or that it was all Justine's idea. He clearly said "Again! Again!" after Justine forced herself to gouge him the first time, and guided her hand in. And given that there are a million and one other less painful ways a feeble old man could have offed himself, and that he specifically had Justine kill him outside the room (so that there wouldn't be the slightest doubt about the finer points of under what circumstances vampires can enter dwelling places in Connor's mind) I really don't see how you can argue otherwise. That matter quickly settled, it's the motivation and thinking behind this act that I'm more interested in and that I'm still working to sort out...
Watching Benediction unwind, I think I actually did believe that we were dealing with a kinder, gentler Holtz who really had changed in Qourtoth. It was almost disappointing, it was so easy. Just like in Forgiving, for Wes' sake I wanted to believe the calm reasonable Angel when he said he understood the why's and wherefores. And just as in that case, when the turn around came, it was unexpected and violent but felt right (dramatically speaking) because it was far more in-character than an overly-neat all's-well-that-ends-well could ever be.
As I realized what Holtz was up to, my gut reaction was an uncontrollable urge to yell "that bastard!" Later, upon some calmer deliberation, other mitigating ideas started to occur to me, but in the end, I think that where I end up is going to be pretty close to where I started. In the interest of fair analysis and an attempt at deeper understanding, however, I'll try to break this down into something more concrete... Well, I did say *attempt*, I hope you're not counting on me to be successful! Here goes...
"There are worse things than death, Angelus. I can keep you alive for months, years, if I have I mind do" (3.1)
Holtz has never been interested in a quick death for Angel. He starts to make good on this threat in 1771 (3.7) with help from his good friends of the Spanish Inquisition, whose adherence to the "old beliefs" translates here to an interest in attempting to "beat and burn the demon out of [Angel's] living flesh". This is presented as a matter of almost academic curiosity, an attempt to "discover if a thing such as [Angelus] can be made to pay for its sins", a question which Holtz affably promises to spend "the next fortnight of [his] life finding out" despite shrugging it off as a matter of little import because Angelus has no soul and therefore "cannot be saved". And yet, it's clear that underneath this veneer of urbane detachment there is some very personal hatred seething.
Holtz may "want nothing" (and thus be disinterested) but the reason he wants nothing -- because his family was killed by Darla & Angelus -- is not forgotten for a moment, and the good monsignor is very clear that Holtz has sanction to inflict whatever torture he sees fit upon the "monster who killed [his] family". Well deserved, of course, but the point is that everyone is very clear that this is Holtz' right first and foremost because his family was killed. This reminds us that though Angelus has killed a lot of innocent people, no doubt contributing to Holtz' wish to see him dead, this is not a simple case of putting a dangerous animal ("it is your nature to maim and kill") out of commission for the benefit of society at large. It's a very personal matter of causing pain to someone who hurt your own loved ones. And it is this personal desire to watch Angelus suffer (under that deceptively calm mask of academic/altruistic curiosity) that buys Darla the time she needs to organize a rescue mission and indicates to us where Holtz has the potential to slip from his status as "good man". Angelus, momentarily phased by a night of torture, has no such desire to prolong Holtz life:
Angelus: Shouldn't we killing Holtz? Darla: I know, but it's just so much fun ruining his life. He's like family now. (3.7)
Darla wants to play with Holtz, just like Holtz wanted to play with Angelus, rather than simply killing him outright. Killing his family, ruining his life, has made his a personal fight, not just a thing that must be done to protect innocent lives, and in that sense, has made him a part of the Darla/Angelus family which delights in making such things personal (ie, Angelus' driving Drusilla mad before killing her). And later, we'll see that the way "free range evil" Darla prolongs his life here to increase his suffering prefigures Holtz's own instinct to increase Angel's suffering by allowing him and the newborn Connor to momentarily escape. Not a good sign for your morality when you have this sort of thing in common with a soulless vampire like Darla...
How can you save others when you cannot save your own? (3.8)
This little note, left for Holtz as part of an elaborate set up to distract him while Angelus & Darla descend upon his family, reminds me of Faith's desire to "get [Angel] in the game" back in season 1 by threatening his friends. In both cases, there's an equation of "fun" with watching your opponent's emotional distress that emphasizes the thrill-seekers' evilness. This part of the backstory shows us a clearly evil Darla & Angelus, demonstrating that Holtz is quite justified in hating Angelus for what he did (Angel admits as much: "he has every right to hate me" (3.15) ). There's certainly no reason he should be harboring any moral qualms about mistreating a vampire at this point, but that he feels that torture is a necessary part of the deal is a chink in his righteousness, and an indication that what he considers "justice" is going to involve imposing his own long, painful suffering (9 years fruitlessly seeking Angelus & Darla) upon those who caused it.
And lo and behold, it comes to pass. Angel, locked powerless beneath the sea, will have ample time to contemplate his sins and personal failings and to suffer. Like Holtz himself, his life will be empty except for thoughts of how he failed to protect his own loved ones and how the one responsible will forever elude his grasp. Though not executed by Holtz himself, it seems a little too perfect not to have come from him in some way, however murkily or second handedly. "I can keep you alive for months, years, if I have a mind to", Holtz once said, and his words must echo through the years as Angel descends to the bottom of the ocean in his living tomb. Of course we'll probably never know, but Connor's revelation that Holtz had talked to him of the ocean as well as instructed him in the art of killing vampires and Justine's quick procurement of the necessary equipment to me suggests the same mind that acquired a certain rare urn in anticipation of Sahjhan's similar interment. Clearly, though Connor's is the hand, Holtz' is the will -- and perhaps even the planning -- behind this ultimate of punishments.
[On a side note, I found Angel's last words to Connor as the boy seals him in his coffin particularly touching. That he would put his son's mental well-being above his own personal panic is truly telling: "Some day you'll learn the truth - and you'll hate yourself. Don't. It's not your fault. I don't blame you....Listen to me. I love you! Never forget that. Connor?! Connor, never forget that I'm your father and that I love you." Holtz may say he has Connor's best interests in mind, but whether you believe that or not, Angel's actions in this scene prove without a doubt that he at least really does.]
I swore that I would show no mercy. And I won't. (3.9)
Holtz is, as Lilah describes him "A single minded vengeance machine with a bloodlust to match" (3.10). He makes it clear time and time again that he has nothing worth living for except for his desire to kill Angelus and Darla:
"I don't want anything. My family is gone" (3.7) "For two hundred years I dreampt of nothing but this moment" (3.9) "I had nothing to give up, you saw to that" (3.9)
When Lilah happens along, Holtz tells her "You say you're an attorney. You deal in men's laws, I deal in God's" (3.9). He represents himself as a righteous instrument of Divine Will, striking down godless demons: "You have no god, demon" he spits out when Angel lets lose "my god!" at seeing him.
But when Angel tells him "there is no justice for the things I did to you" and warns him that his soul "will be destroyed" if he allows himself "to be used in the service of evil", Holtz ignores his words. Later, after a particularly vicious blow, he scornfully asks "Are you still concerned about my soul, Angelus? My vampire priest?" (leaving unspoken "shouldn't you be more concerned with the pain I'm about to inflict on you?) He seems very certain about the state of his own soul; whether he truly believes it safe because no matter what otherwise heinous punishment he inflicts, it cannot be morally wrong because of Angelus' demonic nature, or whether he knows he's lost but simply doesn't care, is left ambiguous. Maybe it's a little of both. Either way, it's clear that that Holtz's desire to trap, torture and kill Angelus & Darla overshadows every other concern, making his declarations of divine sanction ring a bit hollow. Even were he to be convinced that his own soul would be irreparably damaged in extracting the desired retribution, I don't think there's any reason to believe that he would even hesitate, much less refrain. "I once made a pact with a demon" (3.15) he tells Justine, but though he says of the A-team "I'm sure they believe their reasons are good, however misguided" he never debates whether he himself is misguided, whether his own good reasons preclude him from being wrong. The only time he seems to hesitate is when Sarjhan first appears to him and offers him his chance(3.8); with that irreversible decision made to throw his lot in with "black magic & sorcery", to go against everything's he's stood for, he never looks back. Is he sure he's right? Or is he sure he isn't, but doesn't care, doesn't have a reason to care without his family?
Either way, that he's not going to let a pesky moral crisis get in the way of his vengeance is quite clear from the outset. He ditches the demon lackeys Sahjahn has procured not because of Angel's barb about remembering when Holtz "used to work with men" (that is to say, used to be a righteous man, operating sans demons lackeys) but because they were not valuable to his cause: "I don't need mercenaries who will kill for anyone willing to pay their price. I need warriors who will die for my cause". It's not a moral issue, it's a matter of playing to win. The cause is everything; Holtz is ready to undertake all means to that end, whatever the personal moral implications.
As for the poor damaged people he recruits for his army, he doesn't care what becomes of them either. He is the general, they are the canon fodder, he will channel their rage, their suffering, give them the one thing that will keep them going: a chance for vengeance. "[revenge] can be a powerful motivator" (3.9) Justine asks: "What's wrong with revenge? It's is all some of us have left" (3.15). "Hate gets a bad rap. It can keep you going sometimes when nothing else will." (3.21) Holtz even refers to the A-team members as "evil people who help vampires" (3.16) and is ready to kill them as necessary (witness Wes' near death experience; "we may have to kill all of them" he tells Justine) if they get in his way, knowing full well that they have souls and that they have dedicated their lives to the very profession he was once in (killing vampires). Wes explains: "Holtz talks about "justice" and it's stirring, but what he wants is revenge. He's driven by it, blinded by it, and if you, me or anyone else gets in his way, he'll kill for it." (3.16) And his words turn prophetic, as he himself gets in the way, and nearly pays with his life. To Holtz, pain and death for his army, the A-team, Justine, even his own soul, all goes under the heading of "collateral damage".
[On a side note, Holtz' army must be spectacularly stupid not to question why this supposedly evil association would kindly welcome their undercover agent (3.15) and help her with her vampire problem by actually killing a nest of them at great personal risk. The only thing I can think of is that they think Angel is fooling his own team, in which case one would think it'd be in their best interests to get evidence to the contrary, enlighten & enlist them.]
"Yes, that he might know the pain that he has inflicted on his countless victims. A brilliant curse, I must admit. Gypsies *do* have a knack for creative vengeance. Where they fail, however is in the execution of justice. And that I will have." (3.15)
In Holtz's reaction to learning of Angel's curse we come I think to the revelation of his true colors, we see how far he has come from the "righteous man" Angel says he once was. Back in the day, he could say "you have no soul, you cannot be saved", and go on torturing Angelus with grim pleasure relatively free of the unpleasant moral baggage. But now, he is faced with the news that Angel *does* have a soul. This particular change in the situation, however, doesn't give him the slightest pause. He doesn't want to rehabilitate Angel, or even to simply prevent him from doing further evil. He doesn't care that Angel is not "the same vampire" (3.9) beyond how the change in Angel's modus operandi affects his hunt. Later, he'll voice concerns that Angel's return to his evil ways is inevitable, and that *that's* why he wants to take him out, but alone with Sahjhan, we hear none of this, and so I tend to see that line of reasoning as part of Holtz' mind game with the already on-edge Wesley.
Wes sees through his rhetoric, sarcastically remarking: "well, I must have misunderstood. Here I thought it was a simple blood vendetta, when what you *really* want is to protect Angel's son." (3.15) There's no altruism here, Holtz wants to make Angel "pay for his sins" pure and simple. And it must be he, Holtz, who extracts the payment. It is his right, it is the only pleasure left him. "No one will have him but me" (3.9). What makes the gypsy's curse, which (however much pain it costs Angel) has spared countless victims from falling prey to Angelus "creative vengeance" while Holtz' own plan to torture and kill Angel is "justice"? Even if the gypsies had inflicted exactly what Holtz intends to inflict on Angelus for his crimes against their own family, this would not be "justice" by Holtz's definition. Justice to Holtz is *Holtz* killing Angel -- slowly, painfully. Were anyone else to do the honors, he would no doubt feel cheated, just as he did when Darla evaded him by killing herself. He clearly understands the ramifications of her act: "she sacrificed herself to save the child" he says, but the possibility that this might somehow mitigate the vengeance he wished to wreak on her doesn't even blip on his radar: "She got off easy. Angel's demise will be a great deal more painful" (3.10) He doesn't even seem surprised that Darla would do such a truly amazing thing, just disappointed that she's escaped him.
"I will never agree that [Angel] has somehow been absolved from the past by the presence of his soul" (3.16) Holtz flat out tells Wesley. He tells Justine that "things aren't always black and white, Justine, good and evil" (3.15), but his whole mode of operation is black and white. Angel is evil because Angelus was evil; soul or no soul, recent years of do-goodism or not, it's all irrelevant. "What about Angel", Justine asks after this declaration that gray exists. The response? A grim and unhesitating: "He's evil".
"We can't make up for any of it" the dying Darla says, and Angel agrees. And of course, so does Holtz. To me Holtz' acknowledgement that gray exists, co-existing with his refusal to act on this knowledge suggests that at some level he knows he's wrong to pursue Angel with all the fire and brimstone of Captain Ahab chasing that maiming whale, but that he doesn't care, because Angelus' crime is the greater of two wrongs. When Wesley declares that "this isn't war, it's revenge" he doesn't deny it.
Upon the soul revelation, Sahjhan wonders if "things are a little murkier, ethically speaking" (3.9), concerned that Holtz has been "torturing himself" with "moral mind games", but Holtz holds firm, not a flicker of doubt as he asserts "things have never been clearer. Releasing his soul to suffer for all eternity only makes his destruction more just, more fitting". Holtz is certainly not torturing himself over morals; he not only wants a soul innocent of the crimes he's avenging to suffer damnation ("suffer for all eternity"), he thinks it "more just". If "justice" for Holtz is eye-for-an-eye, then this hints that Holtz is well aware that in his ruthless pursuit of Angelus and Darla, his *own* soul is damned, and this too is of course is another of Angelus' crimes against him. It was Angelus and Darla after all who took his family from him and set him on the dark path of all-consuming vengeance; in some sense they are responsible for that too. If Angelus's evil caprice is thus the cause of the once innocent Holtz' soul's eternal torment, then damning the soul of the good man Angel now is starts to sound like equal retribution for the wrongs done to Holtz by Angelus. A soul for a soul.
[Sidenote: Of course, there's no Jossverse reason to believe that Angel and/or his soul would necessarily be off to suffer eternal torment just because Holtz killed him. He could conceivably end up where Buffy was. But Holtz clearly believes he's destined for some fiery hell.]
"Angel is no more responsible for the crimes of Angelus than I am" (3.15) Wesley says, but Holtz brushes it aside, reminding him that it all comes down to the flesh, that Angel's body is Angelus' body ("the hands that held down [his] beloved Caroline"). He may not be "the same vampire" (3.9), but he's close enough. Holtz bemoans his daughter as a victim, "turned into a creature damned for all eternity", but refuses to see the other side of the coin, that Angelus too was turned, and his lost "damned" soul as deserving of pity as his daughter's. Or maybe he just doesn't want to think too carefully about whether it would have been possible to restore her soul too, before she had a chance to claim any victims, rather than killing her.
That he understands that Angel is good now, and thus must know that he does wrong in continuing to pursue vengeance, is I think amply illustrated in that dark, drenched alley where Connor was born 3.9. Why else would he see allowing Angel to survive the night, taking his infant son away to safety, as not showing any mercy? Like the presence of his soul makes the punishment better fit the crime, having a beloved child that Holtz can take away, as his own children were taken from him, also makes the punishment more "just" and "fitting", that is to say "a great deal more painful" for Angel. If Angel wasn't good, he wouldn't love the child as Holtz loved his own children; in order for Holtz's vengeance plan to work, Angel *has* to be good, he's counting on it. This is where the veneer of righteous punishment falls completely away. Had he either killed Angel to demonstrate that he honestly believed that the "beast would re-emerge", that Angel really is at heart evil and needs to be killed to protect the innocent (ie the baby he might well be about to devour), or alternately seen that with the emergence of Angel, Angelus -- like Darla -- has slipped away beyond where he can be punished, Holtz could have continued in that world of gray. But in demonstrating that he completely understands the situation, but doesn't care about anything beyond his own pain, he lapses into true darkness.
Wes speaks of Holtz being "blinded by [revenge]" but I don't think that's exactly true. I think Holtz knows exactly what he's doing. There's no tragic gap in his knowledge, so secret he's unaware of. Nothing he could see or learn would sway him from his pursuit. Hes' not refusing to *see*, he's refusing to let what he sees change his course. His whole demeanor from the solid stocky presence to the level sonorous voice has the ponderous feel of inevitable and dire Fate, the kind Oedipus and his father couldn't outrun. He is the embodiment of the prophesied "troclon"; if he's blind, it's deliberately so.
Where things get tricky is after Holtz returns from Quortoth. From conversations with Connor, we learn that he has raised the boy to hate his real father, to want to kill him for his crimes against Holtz. It seems likely that this was the same plan he had intended to implement in Utah with Justine.
But for the first time, he seems oddly sympathetic. When Connor expresses his disappointment at not being able to kill Angel, he tells the boy "Of course you couldn't. It's not in you, son. [You killed] only when you had to, only to survive. And that's not the real reason why you worked so hard to get here. You wanted to see him". (3.21) Just as he understood that Angel would love his son, and thus could be injured through that son, Holtz understands the boy's confused and repressed longing for his real father. He seems genuinely tender towards him, explaining that "God delivered me to you, that I'd keep you safe and lavish upon you all the love that I could never give my first children." and rather than having tried to raise Connor evil and/or ignorant (as Heathcliff of Wuthering Heights did his enemy's son) which he surely knew to be one of the more horrific things he could have done to hurt Angel, he seems to have made an effort to raise him to be good, killing only when necessary, championning the helpless, and intelligent, adapting quickly to a new environment. Holtz tells Justine "Something happened in that place, Justine, something changed. Amidst the most unspeakable ugliness the hate turned into love. Love for a son." And then he tells Angel: "I thought that by depriving you of that son it would allow me some measure of justice. I was wrong... Maybe vengeance is what I do now. Give back what I took...You can give him what I can't - his purpose". It sounds so sincere, it sounds so true. What more natural than that a man, alone caring for a tiny infant, the only other being of his kind in a hostile world, especially a man who had lost children of his own, would come to love that child, to care for his future and well being, to think of him as more than just a tool for vengeance?
There are two options I waver between here. The first is that Holtz honestly believed that Connor's true purpose in life was to kill Angel (and other vampires) and that by tricking him into doing so, he puts the beloved foster child of his old age on his true path, helping him to avoid the "bright things, many colors" that the "devil" (read Angel) will show him, effectively bypassing Angel's trickery. Connor is wary for now ("[Angel] Thought he could deceive me by saving people. It didn't work") but how long can he resist in the face of mounting evidence that Angel's a good guy? By manipulating Connor into doing the "right thing" now, he thus looks after the boy's ultimate best interests. It's not unreasonable, and when the wind is blowing just right, I can almost give it credence. But not quite, or at least, not exclusively. Too much of what Holtz said can be taken as double entendre, once you know what is to come, too many of his words lend themselves to darker interpretations.
What I think makes those final few minutes of Benediction so devastating to me is that I honestly believe that Holtz *does* care for Connor. That little waver and glance downward when Connor, the gleam of little-boy tears in his eyes, asks "why are you doing this, why?" convinces me that it *does* hurt him to see Connor in pain. But that despite that sympathy, despite that love, he betrays his adoptive son's trust and uses him in such a despicable way that the boy cannot help but be damaged in the process. And that he understands the extent to which what he's doing is wrong, as revealed through the alternate meanings ascribable to his mixture of lies and truth. ("not all [lies]" he tells Justine.)
The first clue comes when Holtz learns the current date. He reaches eagerly for the newspaper Connor has procured for him, practically rubbing his hands with anticipation as he says "now, let's have a look at the date", only to sink with disappointment to learn "Days. We've been gone only days". Surprise is understandable, but disappointment? Why should it matter to him how much time has passed in LA? If anything, the less time has elapsed, the easier it would be to reorient himself, to settle back in to modern life, to advise Connor as to how to proceed. Justine might even be around to help. No, the only logical reason he might be disappointed is that he was hoping Angel had suffered a great deal more, had had years and years to regret the loss of his son and his powerlessness to do anything about it.
Just before jumping into the Quortoth dimension, Holtz says to Angel: "I will take good care of him, as though he were my own son. He'll never even know you existed" (3.16) but in Benediction he says to Connor: "I knew this day would come. That's why I never lied to you. I've always told you the truth about what your parents were, how you and I came to be together". So obviously, though he seems to have indeed taken good care of Connor, he hasn't followed up on his promise to keep the circumstances of his birth secret from him. And it's doubtful he's told Connor *all* the truth. If his true intent was to raise Connor as his own, why would he think that "the day would come" when Connor knowing the heinousness of his parents unlives would be crucial? It's hard not to pick up a little sinister vibe when Connor wishes he'd been able to kill Angel quickly, and Holtz tells him that if he had been, he wouldn't be "the boy [he] raised". Shudder, could the unspoken thought behind this be "the boy he raised to go for long painful torturous undeaths"? "the boy he raised to infiltrate, to study secretly, looking for weakness"?
Connor protests being sent back to his (super)natural father. But Holtz avers "It was God's plan for us to be together. Nothing will ever persuade me otherwise. But now it's time for me to give you back". Another sinister twinge: could Holtz be saying here that as an administrator of "God's Law", the Divine saw fit to deliver this perfect weapon (his enemy's son) into his hands as part of that celestially sanctioned vengeance plan? And that it's now time to deploy that weapon? "If I could stop this, I would son. But we were brought here by forces beyond our control," Holtz says. To me, this seems to indicate that he's having twinges, that he *does* care for Connor, that he knows this is going to hurt him, perhaps irreparably, but that somehow, with all these years building up to this "confluence of events", it's out of his hands. He started the ball rolling, now there's nothing he can do but go along with it. He too feels the hand of fate, and there is no fighting it.
Connor tells him he's wrong, and I agree. He could have stopped it, there was no good reason he had to go through with his plan. But perhaps after 25 some odd years of single-minded pursuit of one goal, Holtz honestly cannot see the possibility. "[Holtz] said we came back for a reason" Connor tells Angel. Holtz's final act tells us what the apparent reason is: to finish off Angelus, to be done with his vengeance at last. How much of that is the same old thirst for vengeance, and how much of it is misguided attempt to set Connor on his true path? Holtz says to Justine: "Now there is just one thing I need you to do for me and then I can finally be done with vengeance." Done with vengeance, because that vengeance is finally complete, not because it has been abandoned. Knowing what that "one last thing" is makes me think that though there may be a certain part of him saying it's in the boy's best interest, the biggest part is still the desire for vengeance. Or he wouldn't be mentioning "vengeance" in conjunction with this "one last thing", he would be saying something about helping Connor find his path, and/or about doing the "right thing".
"I'm not asking you to follow me into hell. Just help send me there," Holtz tells Justine when she protests that she doesn't want to kill him. To me, this is yet another cue that Holtz knows what he's doing is horrific, that he knows it's *not* in Connor's best interest. Not to mention backing up the aforementioned suggestion that he knows his own soul is in jeopardy because of his thirst for vengeance. Being an "instrument of vengeance" won't be fun, he warned Justine at the beginning of their relationship (3.10) and I think he's telling at least part of the truth when during their final confrontation, he tells Angel that he finds he "has no taste for it". But he has a need to see his life's mission through, and whether or not there's a shred of truth in his statement that Connor "mean[s] more to [him] than anything in this world or any other", the boy is still Holtz' last weapon, and about to become an unfortunate casualty of war. Clearly, his well-being doesn't mean more to Holtz than vengeance does; only as an "instrument of vengeance" does Connor mean "more than anything" to Holtz.
Referring to the time when Angelus and Darla killed Holtz' family, Angel says "I was different then." Holtz answers him: "Yes. So was I." In context, this sounds almost like Holtz declaring that he's given up on his old vengeful ways. After the fact, it sounds more like another glimpse of the truth among the lies: Holtz admitting that he's no longer the righteous man he was when Angel & Darla sealed his fate by killing his family and putting him on the path to villainy.
"I found I had to stay alive that I might pass on my legacy of hate. But something happened in that place Justine, something changed. Amidst the most unspeakable ugliness the hate turned into love. Love for a son. Hate is not enough. I found that love is far more powerful." (3.21)
Stirring and encouraging at first. Until you know the denouement. And then I find myself wondering: is what he learned about love that it has even greater power to motivate than hate? After all, it was because Holtz loved his own family that his resolve to extract vengeance was so great. Maybe this isn't the feel-good Disney message about love it at first appears to be. "Love can be a terrible thing" 3.15 Wes tells Angel...Holtz knows first hand how far the murder of a loved one can drive the survivor. Could he be saying that he realized that acquiring Connor's love would give him the maximum scope for vengeance on Angel? Would turn the boy into a powerful weapon? After all, Holtz cannot hope to best Angel physically in a fair fight. (As he admits to Justine, "this vampire is strong", he needs her help to kill him. (3.10)) And Angel's own love of Connor could be used against him as well: he might not be willing to give his all in a fight to the death against his own son. Connor, viewing Holtz as his true father, would have no such compunction. "Love for a son" then might truly prove "far more powerful" as a tool in Holtz' plan for vengeance.
The other though that sometimes nags at me is that Holtz knows that Connor would be even more hellbent on destroying Angel to avenge his death if he (Connor) had been starting to warm up to his father, starting to love him, when the presumed atrocity was discovered. If he felt like it was his own fault, because he'd let his guard down against Angel, and that the result of his going soft was Holtz' death. "I know what it was like for him there, the darkness and the confusion. He thought it was where he belonged," Cordy tells Angel after their little mystical tet-a-tet. If Connor already felt that way before, how much worse when he thinks about the way he just let Angel walk out, trusting that he wasn't off to do evil? How much more dire his vengeance, if it's channeling guilty feelings (like Holtz' own)? "I'm sorry" Connor tells Holtz' corpse, and while part of this apology may be for the decapitation he's about to inflict on it, I think a feeling of complicity in his death plays an even larger role. If this was all part of Holtz's well-laid plan, how truly abominable! He would have had to feed mixed messages to the boy for years, giving him just enough hints of Angel's good qualities to keep him interested, to feed that dimension-hopping "need", but not enough to take the edge off his hatred. I almost don't believe even Holtz could be so thoroughly evil, but then again... having Connor and Angel start to bond also increases the pain Angel will feel when his son turns on him, and *that's* certainly not beyond Holtz. After all, that had to be the whole plan behind letting Angel and newborn Connor leave the alley behind Caritas: to give Angel time to bond with his child so that the deprivation would be that much worse. And it would explain why Holtz specifically sent Connor off to be with Angel, rather than on some other random mission, to get him out of the way while he faked his death.
Trying to convince Angel that he is sincere about his wish to return Connor to his rightful place, Holtz says, "I love my son. And this is the only way I know to ensure that he will go on loving me". Nothing like a martyr's death to accomplish this goal! In his letter, he writes "To attempt a good bye in your presence would be impossible for me. I fear I would never let you go. And I must let you go. I know that if I didn't you would only end up hating me. And that I could not bear." I've go nothing much specific to go on here, but I can't help but interpret this as Holtz's knowing that if Connor knew what he was really up to (faking the circumstance of his own death, pinning the blame on an innocent, all in the name of vengeance) Holtz would lose his love and respect. And that despite his resolution to go through with his plan regardless, he really does regret the necessity, to the point that he feels he might change his mind if Connor was to be there in person. But that if he did, sooner or later Connor would find out everything he had omitted from the tale of his birth, and would bond irretrievably with Angel (Holtz'd already witnessed the natural attraction between the two as they rough-housed in the alley after a stirring father-son battle). That Connor would come to hate his adopted father for the separation and the lies, not to mention for his disregard of innocent bystanders (ie Wes). So in some sense, it *is* already too late for Holtz. "If I could stop this, I would son". But he can't. Not without losing Connor's love. "Anyone who saw you together would realize - that's where you were meant to be - at his side" (3.21) Rather than let that relationship evolve naturally, to lose not only his chance for vengeance but also Connor himself, better to take this opportunity to go out on top. Get the vengeance, retain a warm spot for himself in the boy's memory, and console himself with the hope, however doubtful, that he is in fact helping Connor to "discover [his] true purpose and come to know what it is [he is] meant to be".
And, one more thought: Holtz cannot be sure that Connor will really win against Angel. He is after all, still very young. But if he can be sure that Connor will fight to the death, then either way, his triumph is nearly complete. Like Holtz himself, Angel will have had to kill his own child. And understanding Angel as he does ("You feel remorse. You feel remorse yet you can't express it") he would know just what that would do to Angel.
So yep, I'm mostly back to "that bastard!". Because I remain convinced of his having genuine feelings for Connor, as he died with the boy's name on his lips, and yet being unable to give up on vengeance, unable to just walk away and lose himself as his letter convinced Angel he would. Because I think he was serious when he said that it was obvious that Connor belonged at Angel's side, and that he knowingly deprived the boy of the chance to occupy that destined place. Because he was able to look at a child he had raised from infancy and to calculatingly use him as a tool towards a goal he knew to be wrong (else why would he be going to hell for it?), and that would result, for that child, in a life plagued by a need that would never be satisfied ("it was your need for him drove you across the dimensions" (3.21)) not to mention terrible guilt and self-doubt. Were there mitigating factors? Do we feel pity for him as well as hatred? Yes, of course, because the interesting villains are not the "straight up, black hat, tied to the train tracks, soon my electro-ray will destroy metropolis" kind. Holtz is a case study in how the quest for vengeance, no matter how richly deserving its object, destroys the initially righteous avenging force (not to mention the civilian casualties). And in that sense, Holtz is a tragic figure, doomed by his one great character flaw, the inability to forgive, to let the past go (a lesson for Angel, RE Wesley, perhaps?). But my sympathy only goes so far: Holtz is in the end not Othello. He knows what he's doing as he does it, he regrets it even, but he goes through with it anyway. And that's what makes him a true villain in my book.
Here endeth the rambling.
Since I don't have all the relevant dialogue in this database, I'm going to include the text for most of the complete scenes I've referenced above, for context.
HOLTZ: Where is she?
ANGELUS: How's your health there then, Holtz? Mine's grand, thanks for asking.
HOLTZ: Where is she?
ANGELUS: (aside to James) He wants Darla. Bit of a thorn in his side, what she and 1 did to his family. (to Holtz) Tasty lot, especially the little ones. Your wife ... she kept repeatin' on us. 'Course you know, I repeated on her a few times meself.
HOLTZ: There are worse things than death, Angelus. I can keep you alive for months, years if I've a mind to. Now... you are going to tell me where she is.
ANGELUS: Lord yes, I'm going to tell ya. Who's arguing? I don't want to suffer needlessly. She's with his lass-
JAMES: Shut your mouth, you bloody coward!
ANGELUS: He's in love, it's all very passionate and befuddlin'. Tell you what, how 'bout I give you him and the women... They're down at the docks.
HOLTZ: Mille grazie, Monsignore. Sono nel vostro debito. ("Thank you, Monsignor. I am in your debt.")
MONSIGNOR: No, this animal murdered your family. (Points at Angelus) Hold the beast!
HOLTZ: Monsignor Rivalli, performed the ceremony when Caroline and I were wed. You remember Caroline?
ANGELUS: Pretty lass. Hearty screamer.
HOLTZ: The good monsignor has since then been excommunicated. The order he founded, Inquisitore, adheres to the old beliefs. They're traditionalists and quite good at their work. Let's get started, shall we?
ANGELUS: Ah. Aah! (...)
HOLTZ: You lost me in North Africa. I knew you'd come back to Europe, but *Rome* Angelus? Why in Gods name would you come to the seat of all that's holy?
ANGELUS: Darla - she loves the Sistine chapel.
HOLTZ: Michelangelo?
ANGELUS: Not him. She's mad about Botticelli's frescos. The Temptation of Christ is her favorite - probably because of the leper. What do you want, Holtz?
HOLTZ: I don't want anything. My family is gone. I don't trust you to give me Darla, although I *will* find her, you know that. My only desire here - is to discover if a thing such as yourself can be made to pay for its sins. You're a demon. It is your nature to maim and kill. But you were also once a man. If we beat and burn the demon out of your living flesh, will there be anything left? Anything at all? I doubt it. But I'm willing to spend the next fortnight of my life finding out. - In either event - you have no soul, you can not be saved.
DARLA: Sorry it took me so long darling. Kill them.
MONSIGNOR: Vai' all inferno, demonio lordo! (caption) Go to hell foul demon!
DARLA: No, grazie, padre.
ANGELUS: Darlin'?
DARLA: What?
ANGELUS: Shouldn't we be killing Holtz?
DARLA: I know, but it's just so much fun ruining his life. He's like family now.
HOLTZ: I understand enough. One thing baffles me. (Indicates the TVs) These visions, wars, the weapons of destruction - how is it no one has killed Angelus or Darla?
SAHJHAN: That's why I brought you here, remember? Because your fate and their fate are entwined.
HOLTZ: Then let's go. Let's finish this. I want Angelus.
SAHJHAN: I know. I want him, too. But we're going to do it right. I haven't waited two and a half centuries to mess it all up.
HOLTZ: And is this the part of the tale where the demon offers the broken man the chance to change all that?
SAHJHAN: I'll take you to them. Two centuries into the future.
HOLTZ: Through black magic and sorcery.
SAHJHAN: No. On a mule cart. Of course through black magic and sorcery. I'm a demon.
HOLTZ: And what do you want from me?
SAHJHAN: Your word. I want your word that when the time comes you will show them no mercy. I don't mean to be pushy, but this is a limited time offer. Say yes, and I'll take you to them this very hour. Say no - and realize the one chance to avenge what they did to your wife and children has slipped away - forever.
HOLTZ: You've kept me here long enough. Where are they?
SAHJHAN: It's not that simple.
HOLTZ: I'm tired of waiting!
SAHJHAN: Like I said - it's not that simple. - Do think I'd go to all this trouble of transporting you two and a half centuries if I could walk up to Angelus and stake him myself? Please! There are rules and timetables and forces at work far greater than either of us. Boy, you vengeful types aren't real good at playing with others, are you?
HOLTZ: Angelus? - I've been looking for you.
ANGEL: Holtz. - My god.
HOLTZ: You have no god, demon.
ANGEL: The Tro-clon - the prophecy - raised up from darkness to bring darkness. That's you. Holtz, whatever brought you here...
HOLTZ: You did. - You and your demon bitch. - For two hundred years I slept. For two hundred years - I dreamt of nothing - (Lays a sword against Angel's throat) but this moment.
ANGEL: Which would explain why you look so well rested.
HOLTZ: You haven't changed.
ANGEL: Actually, I have. While you were sleeping, a lot changed.
HOLTZ: Really? (holy water) Somehow things seem the same to me.
ANGEL: You're wrong.
HOLTZ: I *will* have justice.
ANGEL: No. - I don't think you will. - There is no justice for the things I did to you.
HOLTZ: You didn't do them to me. And you didn't do them alone.
ANGEL: You're still human. How'd you manage this?
HOLTZ: So, the question becomes - now that I have you - what's the best way to get her?
ANGEL: Only dark magics could have brought you this far.
HOLTZ: She was always the trick, you know, not you. Darla was the unpredictable one.
ANGEL: Was it a demon - or something else?
HOLTZ: What if I just - kill you now? Would she somehow sense it? Would she then come running? Would that bring her bursting through those doors, I wonder?
ANGEL: Did something come to you, or did you seek it out?
HOLTZ: She might show herself in the service of revenge. - It can be a powerful motivator.
ANGEL: Yes, it can. What did you have to give up for this second chance?
HOLTZ: Give up? I had nothing *to* give up. *You* saw to that.
ANGEL: We took a lot from you, that's true. But we didn't get everything. We couldn't take your soul.
HOLTZ: What do you know of a soul.
ANGEL: I know yours will be destroyed if you allow yourself to be used in the service of evil. - You're a good man, Holtz. A righteous man - and you're being used - for some purpose - other than justice.
HOLTZ: Could it be you really have changed? - I don't remember you ever pleading so cravenly before.
ANGEL: And I remember *you* used to work with men.
HOLTZ: Are you still concerned about my soul, Angelus? My vampire priest? (spotting Grapler demon) Excuse me. (to Grapler) You've got her. Good. Bring her in.
Angel watches the door as the Grapplar pulls in his captive.
ANGEL: Lilah.
HOLTZ: This isn't her. She's not even a vampire.
LILAH: No, I'm an attorney.
ANGEL: Let me guess: dead guys all over my floor - friends of yours?
LILAH: Look, if I'd known you were torturing him, I wouldn't have interrupted. Please, continue. I'll wait until your finished.
HOLTZ: When I'm finished, he'll be dead.
LILAH: Really?
HOLTZ: You say you're an attorney. You deal in man's laws, I deal in god's.
LILAH: Ah, right. A good guy.
HOLTZ: Do you know what he is?
LILAH: Yeah, I know. (Reciting) Vampire, cursed by gypsies who restored his soul. Destined to atone for centuries of evil, wacky sidekicks, yada, yada. I'd have him killed myself, except the people I work for have this (makes air quotes) 'policy.'
HOLTZ: Hm.
LILAH: Hmm.
HOLTZ: What does she mean 'cursed by gypsies?'
ANGEL: Long story, Holtz. I doubt it would interest you much.
HOLTZ: Search the grounds! (To Lilah) Those men you sent to kill Angelus, they were each of them brave.
LILAH: Oh, good.
HOLTZ: They fought to the last.
LILAH: Yeah, I get *that*.
HOLTZ: But send more, and I'll do the same. No one will have him but me.
LILAH: There weren't sent for Angel. This was meant to be a party for his girlfriend.
HOLTZ: You know of Darla?
LILAH: Sure.
HOLTZ: Tell me, these gypsies, did they curse her as well? Has she, too, been re-ensouled?
LILAH: Darla? No. She's free-range evil.
HOLTZ: Hmm.
LILAH: Hey, if you do manage to catch up with her, I think maybe we can do some business.
HOLTZ: The only business that I have with Darla is to send her back to the hell that made her.
HOLTZ: You knew. You knew and you didn't tell me.
SAHJHAN: Okay! So I left out one teeny weeny little detail. It didn't seem all that important.
HOLTZ: Not important? Angelus with a soul?
SAHJHAN: It doesn't mean anything!
HOLTZ: It means everything.
SAHJHAN: See? This is *why* I didn't mention it. So Angel has a soul. Big whoop! So did Attila the Hun! Not to mention a heart as big as all outdoors when it came to gift giving. He is *still* a vampire! Angel, not Attila.
HOLTZ: He's not the same vampire.
SAHJHAN: Of course he is! His hair is a little shorter, a little spikier. He's using product. But it's the same guy.
HOLTZ: No. He's changed. He's - different.
SAHJHAN: Look. I don't know what kind of moral mind games you've been torturing yourself with, but can't let this soul thing get in the way of what you swore to do.
HOLTZ: Get in the way?
SAHJHAN: That's what this is about, right? You find out Angel has a soul, now you're wondering if things are a little murkier - ethically speaking.
HOLTZ: Things - have never been clearer. Releasing his soul to suffer for all eternity only makes his destruction more just, more fitting.
SAHJHAN: Oh. Well, then what's the problem?
HOLTZ: You've had me hunting the wrong prey.
SAHJHAN: Ah! Right. Because an Angel with a soul is going to be a slightly different challenge from an Angel without a soul.
HOLTZ: I must know everything.
SAHJHAN: Right. No, gotcha. My mistake.
HOLTZ: You've kept nothing else from me then?
SAHJHAN: Ah. - No. - Nothing I can think of.
SAHJHAN: Do it! Now's your chance. Do it! Finish it while you still can! You can't just let him walk away! Not now! Not after what you swore to me!
HOLTZ: I swore that I would show no mercy. And I won't.
SAHJHAN: Well that was a thrilling evening. It's not like I've been waiting two hundred and fifty years for you to take your blood vengeance on Angel to have you just stand there and let him walk away.
HOLTZ: Why didn't you tell me Darla was pregnant?
SAHJHAN: Didn't matter. You were supposed to kill them both before she could have it.
HOLTZ: She sacrificed herself to save the child.
SAHJHAN: Yeah. Darla did your job for you. Well, at least one of them is dust.
HOLTZ: She got off easy. Angel's demise will be a great deal more painful.
SAHJHAN: You know you throw around a lot of big words like death and pain and no mercy, but so far I haven't seen bupkus.
SAHJHAN: Listen to me, Holtz, we got prophecies to fulfill. We don't need some deep, dark plan for Angel. You put a stake in him, you watch him go poof! It's a classic.
HOLTZ: Step one is getting rid of these minions.
SAHJHAN: No. Step one is poof. And then there are no more steps. And we can't get rid of the Grapplars. I signed a two-week contract. - Trust me, you don't wanna piss these guys off.
HOLTZ: They're soulless beasts bred only to maim and kill.
SAHJHAN: Ah! Maim and kill. Two more words I like. You're gonna need these guys - unless you're plan is to kill Angel with candy clowns and marshmallow pies. (notices graplars choking) What's happening?
HOLTZ: I need more than mere fighters.
SAHJHAN: They're choking! Do you know the Heimlich? I can't do it in this dimension. My arms will go right through them. What did you do?
HOLTZ: I poisoned their drink.
SAHJHAN: Why?!
HOLTZ: Because I don't need mercenaries who will kill for anyone willing to pay their price. I need warriors who will die for my cause... ...like that.
SAHJHAN: Great. So step one is I'm stuck with four costly and dead demons. What's step two?
HOLTZ: We can find information using this box - correct?
SAHJHAN: Yeah. You won't believe how fast my connection is. What do you wanna find?
HOLTZ: Obituraries.
RECORDS: Seventeen sixty-four. Angel and Darla kill Holtz, Caroline, Holtz, Sarah, and Holtz, Daniel infant son.
LILAH: Massacred his family. That'll do it.
RECORDS: Holtz vows to revenge their blood, May seventeen sixty-four. Pursues Angel and Darla relentlessly for nine years, racking up an incidental body count of three hundred seventy-eight vampires in the meantime.
LILAH: So what we're dealing with is a single minded vengeance machine with a bloodlust to match. That's just - awesome.
JUSTINE: What the hell are you doing here?
HOLTZ: Watching you fight.
JUSTINE: Why did you wait so long?
HOLTZ: I wanted to see if you could win.
JUSTINE: Always. I would have kicked his ass if you hadn't distracted me.
HOLTZ: Hmm. I wasn't your problem.
JUSTINE: Really?
HOLTZ: You fight well and lack strategy. Your passion works against you.
JUSTINE: And you're here to teach me about passion.
HOLTZ: I'm here to teach you how to fight.
JUSTINE: What's in it for you?
HOLTZ: You help me kill a vampire.
JUSTINE: You don't need me for that.
HOLTZ: I do. This vampire is strong.
JUSTINE: What are we talking about. Some kind of Karate Kid Mr. Miyagi groove thing? Wax on, wax off.
HOLTZ: You'll find your references to modern popular culture tend to be lost on me.
JUSTINE: What a shocker.
HOLTZ: But I know you're interested in more that the trivial. Your life has been ruined. You can't sleep. Instead you wander the streets, making others pay for what happened to your sister. That's where I can help. I see your talent. And I see your hate. And I know that I can shape and hone you into an instrument of vengeance.
JUSTINE: Sounds like fun.
HOLTZ: It won't be.
JUSTINE: Decided to stick around.
HOLTZ: You asked me what I wanted from you. (Wraps his hand around the handle of the ice pick) I want you to go out and find others like you. People who have suffered as we have, people with the same rage, the same fire. You'll know them when you see them. Their eyes - will look like this feels.
HOLTZ: Are we clear? Have we learned our lessons, Justine?
JUSTINE: We're clear. (punches him) You son of a bitch.
JUSTINE: I don't understand. How can these people work for a vampire.
HOLTZ: I once made a pact with a demon.
JUSTINE: So you could get to Angelus. So you could kill a vampire.
HOLTZ: I'm sure they believe their reasons are good, how ever misguided. Things aren't always black and white, Justine, good and evil.
JUSTINE: What about Angelus?
HOLTZ: He is evil.
ANGEL: I'm sorry about your son.
WES: Is that how Holtz found you? Because of what happened to your son?
ANGEL: You're right to protect him. Holtz is one of the good guys. He has every right to hate me. And if he ever - comes close to one of my people ever again, or tries to touch a hair on my son's head - I'll kill him - and anyone who gets in the way. You might wanna mention that.
HOLTZ: This tiny girl, outsized, outmatched, outnumbered - and she survived. Why? - Because she was willing not to. She was prepared to die for the cause rather than abandon her comrade. We, too, must be willing to die - but more so. Study this carefully. You'll be fighting these two very soon. (Hears footsteps) Perhaps sooner than I expected.
WES: I didn't come here to fight. I'm not your enemy. - But then I've noticed you do have trouble making that distinction. You're fighting the wrong man.
HOLTZ: Angelus.
WES: No. Angel. He's not Angelus anymore. He's a good man.
HOLTZ: He's not even a man.
WES: Nevertheless - he has a soul now.
HOLTZ: Yes. That he might know the pain that he has inflicted on his countless victims. A brilliant curse, I must admit. Gypsies *do* have a knack for creative vengeance. Where they fail, however is in the execution of justice. And that I will have.
WES: If it's a sacrifice you require, take me. Angel's no more responsible for the crimes of Angelus than I am.
HOLTZ: Really?
WES: Yes.
HOLTZ: And was it your hands that held down my beloved Caroline as she was violated and murdered? That wrapped themselves around my son's neck and snapped it like kindling? Where yours hands that clutched at my daughter as she was turned into a creature damned for all eternity? - Angelus is in his nature. The beast will re-emerge. You've seen it. You know it. And that is why you are here. - You're afraid he's going to kill the child. - - And you're right.
WES: Your infiltration was more successful than I'd realized.
HOLTZ: I don't need prophecies to tell me what is plain. So long as the child remains with the demon, it's not safe.
WES: Well, I must have misunderstood. - Here I thought it was a simple blood vendetta, when - what you *really* want is to protect Angel's son.
HOLTZ: You don't believe me.
WES: Hmm. Not sure really. Could be the low scary voice that's giving me trouble.
HOLTZ: It's time to make a decision, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce. My army is strong and will only increase in number. Fight against us - and this war will become a bloodbath.
WES: This isn't war. It's revenge.
JUSTINE: What's wrong with revenge? It's all some of us have left.
WES: Look. I can't know what it's been like for any of you.
HOLTZ: You might soon enough. When I put my son's body into the ground, I had to open the coffin, just to know that he really was in there. You also may discover - that a child's coffin, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce - it weighs nothing.
ANGEL: How I really knew about Aubrey. - All that pain, that rage... the only way she could deal was to join Holtz, take her revenge. - You know how I knew that?"
WES: "Because you would have done the same."
ANGEL: It scares me. - You know? - If anything like that ever happened to Connor, I don't know what I'd... I love my son."
WES: Love can be a terrible thing.
ANGEL: I used to think that. I thought love was - something that swallowed you whole, ripped you up inside, but, you know, what I feel for Connor, even that fear... - Wes, it's - it's not terrible. It's beautiful.
HOLTZ: Thank you, Justine. Are you ready?
JUSTINE: Yes.
HOLTZ: What is it you're not sure of - is it me?
JUSTINE: No! It's... - these people that work for Angel - we may end up killing a lot of them.
HOLTZ: We may end up killing all of them.
JUSTINE: I'd follow you through the gates of hell to kill vampires, Daniel. You know that.
HOLTZ: But people - even evil people who help vampires... ...are another kettle of fish.
JUSTINE: They chose Angel. That makes them enemy soldiers.
WES: So I guess that makes it alright.
WES: I don't wanna see anyone get hurt. Your soldiers - or mine.
HOLTZ: I share your hatred of violence, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce and I've meted out a good deal less of it in my lifetime than Angelus has in his.
WES: *Angel*
HOLTZ: Whatever you wish to call him. I will never agree that he has somehow been absolved from the past by the presence of his soul.
JUSTINE: He's a vampire. End of discussion. And I'd bet you a dollar this one's here to stab us in the back.
WES: Who did you lose?
JUSTINE: What?
WES: You're here in Holtz' army - ready to kill others, die for the cause. You must have lost someone very important to you.
JUSTINE: That's none of your business.
HOLTZ: Her twin sister Julia was murdered by vampires.
WES: You lost family. I'm sorry. Angel and the people I work with are *my* family - and when I say I don't want to see anyone to get hurt... ...I mostly mean them. But I don't stab people in the back.
HOLTZ: You're an honest man. I trust you. And you can trust me.
WES: It's funny. I don't.
HOLTZ: Well, your problem isn't me right now. - Your problem is, your friend is going to kill his own child. - You know you have to do something about it. - You know if you don't, I will. Don't misunderstand me. I won't stand by while an innocent child is murdered - but I won't attack and endanger other innocent lives unless I'm forced to.
WES: How long do I have?
HOLTZ: I'll give you one day. You may not trust me, but I trust you to do what's right. One day. After that... - *everyone* will get hurt.
WES: Holtz? Great guy, not overly tall. - Is this where you offer to help me behind his back?
JUSTINE: Do you believe in *anything*? Or is it all just a big scam to you?
WES: You're a soldier, fight to the death kind. I respect that. You work for a man, who you think is noble and good. I respect that. Trouble is, he's not.
JUSTINE: You work with a vampire.
WES: Who in fact *is* noble and good. Quirky, but there it is. Holtz talks about 'justice' and it's stirring, but what he wants is revenge. He's driven by it, blinded by it, and if you, me, or anyone else gets in his way, he'll kill for it.
JUSTINE: You're wrong. You don't know him. Everything that he's done for me, for all of us...
WES: Sounds like a nice cult.
JUSTINE: He gave you his word. He'll keep it. You're the one who's blind.
WES: How so?
JUSTINE: What you're about to do to your friend? I imagine it's easier to hate Holtz than yourself.
WES: There's enough to go around for both him and me. - Be careful.
HOLTZ: I will take good care of him, as though he were my own son. He'll never even know you existed. Don't come after me. - You will though, won't you? Maybe I should just...
ANGEL: No. Please. Take him.
HOLTZ: Oh, good boy. You got it. Now. Let's have a look at the date. Days. We've been gone only days.
CONNOR: I don't like this place. So many people. It's not like home.
HOLTZ: Quor-toth was never our home, son. It was our prison. I should have known that one day *you'd* find a way out.
CONNOR: The cracks were there already. I just made the sluks show me. That's all.
HOLTZ: Frightened rats, forced to flee to daylight. My boy's smart.
CONNOR: You shouldn't have followed me here.
HOLTZ: How could I not?
CONNOR: I would have come back to you, after I killed him. I'm sorry I couldn't.
HOLTZ: Of course you couldn't. It's not in you, son.
CONNOR: I've killed lots!
HOLTZ: Only when you had to, only to survive. And that's not the real reason why you worked so hard to get here. You wanted to see him.
CONNOR: No.
HOLTZ: It's alright son. There is no shame in it. I knew this day would come. That's why I never lied to you. I've always told you the truth about what you're parents were, how you and I came to be together.
CONNOR: God gave me to you.
HOLTZ: Yes. God delivered me to you, that I'd keep you safe and lavish upon you all the love that I could never give my first children.
CONNOR: Because he took them from you.
HOLTZ: That's right.
CONNOR: I wish I *had* killed him.
HOLTZ: If you had, then you wouldn't be the boy I raised, or the man I know you'll be one day. There's more for you to learn, Steven, much more.
CONNOR: And I want to.
HOLTZ: Good. Then you must go to him.
CONNOR: What?
HOLTZ: Walk in his world, learn all you can. Discover what of him is in you that you might fight against it. But be on your guard. Remember what I've taught you. The devil will show you bright things, many colors.
CONNOR: Father. - He was everything that you said. He tried to trick me. Thought that he could deceive me by saving people. It didn't work. I've seen his true face. Holtz: And I've seen yours.
(...)
CONNOR: Stop saying that!
HOLTZ: It is true, son.
CONNOR: You're wrong!
HOLTZ: I'm not wrong. Anyone who saw you together would realize - that's where you're meant to be - at his side.
CONNOR: No!
HOLTZ: It was your need for him that drove you across the dimension.
CONNOR: I don't need him!
HOLTZ: Go back to him, Steven.
CONNOR: Why are you doing this? Why? God gave me to you.
HOLTZ: Yes. It was god's plan for us to be together. Nothing will ever persuade me otherwise. But now it's time for me to give you back.
CONNOR: He's a demon.
HOLTZ: And you're the bastard son of two demons.
CONNOR: Then I'm a demon.
HOLTZ: You're not. God help me, I don't know what you are, but I'm not the one to give you answers, and there *are* answers. Go and find them out.
CONNOR: You told me not to be deceived. But you've let yourself be deceived.
HOLTZ: If I could stop this, I would, son. But we were brought here by forces beyond our control.
CONNOR: You're wrong.
ANGEL: Hey, pal. How 're you doing?
CONNOR: I might have tried to kill your friend.
ANGEL: Yeah, well - she's used to it.
CONNOR: I think I should go.
ANGEL: Look - why don't you just - stay here? - I know it doesn't feel like it yet - but this could be home for you.
CONNOR: I don't have a home.
ANGEL: That's not true. You just don't remember, that's all. - Your home is here. This is where you're supposed to be, son.
CONNOR: You speak as though you're my father.
ANGEL: Well...
CONNOR: He said the same thing. He said, we came back for a reason.
ANGEL: Did he?
JUSTINE: Before you there was nothing. I was dead. They'd taken my sister. They'd taken a part of me. You gave me a reason again - even if it was all lies. They are sitting on the two beds, facing each other.
HOLTZ: Not all.
JUSTINE: I still think I'd do anything for you. I'd have followed you into hell if you would have let me.
HOLTZ: Thank god you didn't.
JUSTINE: I can't believe you survived it. - How did you?
HOLTZ: My hate kept us alive.
JUSTINE: Hate gets a bad rap. It can keep you going sometimes when nothing else will.
HOLTZ: Yes. I found I had to stay alive that I might pass on my legacy of hate. But something happened in that place, Justine, something changed. Amidst the most unspeakable ugliness the hate turned into love. Love for a son. Hate is not enough. I found that love is far more powerful. Now there is just one thing I need you to do for me and then I can finally be done with vengeance.
HOLTZ: I can't recall - would you require an invitation for a place like this?
ANGEL: Public accommodation? No.
HOLTZ: No. You'd think I'd remember something like that. It would have seemed important once. Details begin to escape me.
ANGEL: You stole my son.
HOLTZ: I kept your son alive. You murdered mine.
ANGEL: I was different then.
HOLTZ: Yes. So was I. - You feel remorse. You feel remorse yet you can't express it.
ANGEL: You want me to say I'm sorry? How can I? It wouldn't mean a thing.
HOLTZ: It would mean a little. Not much, but it would be something.
ANGEL: Then I'm sorry. For whatever little it might mean. It's all I've got.
HOLTZ: Not all. - You had a son. - So - there it is. I thought by depriving you of that son it would allow me some measure of justice. I was wrong.
ANGEL: Taking Connor from me was never justice. It was vengeance.
HOLTZ: Or maybe vengeance is what I do now. Give back what I took.
ANGEL: What?
HOLTZ: I'm an old man now. I have nothing to offer the boy. You can give him what I can't - his purpose. But every time you look upon his face - every time he calls you 'father' - you will be reminded of that which you took and can never give back. - And if that is vengeance, I find I have no taste for it.
HOLTZ: All I ask is that you give him this. It's not sealed. I expect you'll examine it. You should.
ANGEL: Why are you doing this?
HOLTZ: I thought I'd made that clear. I love my son. And this is the only way I know to ensure that he will go on loving me. He won't accept this at first. He'll try to find me. - He never will.
HOLTZ (voice over): Dearest Steven, this is a most difficult letter for me to write. You mean more to me than anything in this world or any other. But your best interests must come first, which is why by the time you receive this, I will be gone. I hope one day you will be able to forgive an old man's weakness, which compels him to say these things in a letter. But to attempt a good-bye in your presence would be impossible for me. I fear I would never let you go. And I must let you go. I know that if I didn't you would only end up hating me. And that I could not bear.
JUSTINE: Don't make me do it. I can't.
HOLTZ: We already know you can. You promised. You said you'd do anything for me. Come on, Justine. I'm not asking you to follow me into hell. Just help send me there. Do it!
HOLTZ (voice over): Your destiny lies with Angel. I know that now. You will have a better life with him.
HOLTZ: (to Justine) Again. Again!
HOLTZ (voice over): I'm comforted by that certainty and the knowledge that with him you will discover your true purpose and come to know who it is you are meant to be.
HOLTZ: (dying) Steven.
ANGEL: Connor.
CONNOR: Dad! Dad?
HOLTZ (voice over): My only prayer is that I have prepared you well enough for whatever lies ahead. I trust that I have. Be brave. Lovingly, your father.