“I got the Slayer,” Harmony squealed in delight. “I GOT THE SLAYER!” Straightening, Harmony ran her hands over her clothes, adjusting the skirt that was beginning to ride up. Looking towards the boys, she huffed as she noticed that they were oblivious to her conquest. “What on earth are you two doing?” Harmony frowned and cocked her head from side to side as she tried to work out what her childer were up to, “Ohh eww, you two. Do you have to?” Wrinkling her nose, she stalked over to them, slapping Xander across the back of the head just as he enveloped Riley’s dick once again.

Riley yelped as Xander's head jerked forward, his teeth coming together sharply against the already abused cock, his nose now nestled in the dark curls surrounding it. The tickle of the curls against his nose caused Xander to sneeze, spraying Riley with a fine splattering of mucus and causing his head to slam forward into Riley’s nuts. “Ooops, sorry.” He shrugged slightly while looking beseechingly at his moaning sire.

Once he realised that his sire was standing before him, looking both pleased and pissed off, Riley had sprung to his feet. He knocked Xander to the ground as he attempted to reach his sire’s side. “Harmony!” the ex-soldier squeaked in surprise. “What are you doing here?” He shuffled forwards, pants around his ankles, his bare, white, down-covered arse shining in the moonlight.

Harmony sniffed. “I was bored, so I came looking for you two.” She turned her back to the pair . “While you two were busy, I managed to capture the Slayer.” She tossed her ponytail back with one hand as she crossed her arms and began to tap her feet. “I can’t believe you let her sneak up on you like that.”

Riley stared in disbelief at Buffy’s crumpled form on the ground. “Where’d she…?” He glanced at Xander, shrugging his shoulders in puzzlement before turning to back his Sire “We knew she was there, my dark mistress, we were luring her close so that we could spring on her when she was least expecting it.” His grin grew larger as Xander jumped up beside him, nodding his agreement.

Harmony eyed the pair slowly before a wide smile broke across her face “Oh my boys, you’re so clever. Mommy has a big treat for you when we get home.” She patted each of them on the head. “Now my sweet little evil creatures of the night, we need to get The Slayer back to the lair before she wakes up.” Harmony strode off giving orders as she went. “Now, my sweet Ri Ri, you grab her head.” She frowned for a moment, a memory sneaking to the forefront of her mind. “On second thought you grab her feet and, Xanie wanie, you grab her head.”

The boys began to move forward, Xander's spurs clinking in the still night, the sounds of Riley’s shuffling a soft background to the sharp noise.

Harmony sighed, rolling her eyes towards the night sky. “Riley pull your pants up and Xander…” she frowned as her eyes swept across him, “Why are your chaps on backwards?”

Xander stared down at his clothes in confusion, twisting to look at his butt, then back at his front before turning to Riley, “They’re on back to front?”

Riley shrugged as he tried to pull his damp, sticky leather pants back up his legs, wincing as the zip closed over his battered cock and pressed its cold metal surface into his abused flesh. He cocked one leg as he tried to adjust himself more comfortably inside the tight leather, eventually giving up and walking slightly bow legged towards Harmony.

Satisfied that her boys weren’t far behind, Harmony began striding back towards Buffy’s unconscious body, taking long purposeful steps as she went, her head held proudly high.

Two pairs of eyes watched their mentor and Sire appreciatively, widening as they saw her suddenly jerk to a stop, falling forwards, arms outreached. A small squeak erupted from her as she began her decent to the ground.

Harmony managed to halt her fall as her hands hit the ground. She stayed that way for a moment, hands and feet on the ground, her round backside in the air.

Riley and Xander ran to her side. “Mommy, Mommy are you ok?” Riley began to sob as he dropped to his knees in front of Harmony. Bending down so that he could look up at her face with round, sorrowful eyes.

Xander in the mean time had moved behind her, intending to support his grand-sire as she stood; however he was mesmerised by the sight before him.

“Harmony, did you know you’re not wearing any panties?” He tilted his head to one side, his tongue poking out between his teeth as he stared hungrily at the sight before him. Wonder what she’d do if I just…

Harmony’s eyes widened in shock as she gasped, jerking her head forward to look between her legs. She groaned when her small forehead connected with Riley’s large one, then groaned again when she noticed her lack of underwear. She began to squirm as she tried to stand, hampered by Xander's hands on her waist and backside and Riley’s hands tugging at her shoulders. Finally she managed to stand, pushing both boys away from her. “Of course I know that I’m not wearing any underwear,” she pouted. “It’s eviler not to.” She made to flounce off again but was stopped by her heel, still firmly embedded in the ground.

She waited impatiently as Riley and Xander tugged at her leg, desperately trying to free her. Eventually it came loose with a jerk, the heel snapping and sending the three sprawling into a heap on the ground. Harmony growled at the hands that crept under her skirt as she tried to stand again. “Enough! Now get The Slayer and get home.” She began to march away from the pair in righteous indignation, her lopsided gait destroying the effect.

Riley and Xander giggled like schoolgirls as they watched her leave. “We are going to be in sooo much trouble when we get home.” Riley singsonged, causing Xander to snort through his nose as he tried to suppress another bout of laughter. “Come on lets get it over with.”

Standing, they made their way to Buffy, each going to their previously appointed positions and lifting her awkwardly. Xander paused for a moment “How come you can’t lift her head?” he asked curiously.

“Because I drop things,” Riley muttered, looking downcast. The pair silently began their journey home; Xander's face a mask of concentration as he pondered Riley’s words.

*~*~*~*

Spike was starting to fret; starting -- hell, he’d passed starting ages ago and was well on his way to a major melt down. Where was she? She’d said she would come; she’d promised him she would be at his crypt just after sundown. Was she having second thoughts; did she regret their actions of the previous night? Oh God, he didn’t know what he would do if she did. Last night had been the singularly most amazing night of his existence and he couldn’t face the thought that she might regret it.

Before he could stop himself, Spike was on his way out the door. If she was going into denial over their actions the previous night, she could at least have the gumption to talk to him about it. His agitation grew as he made his way rapidly through the graveyard. What would he say to her? What would he do if he saw regret in her eyes?

As he was hurrying frantically through the gravestones his senses picked up the unmistakable, heady scent of slayer blood. What the hell? His slayer was hurt somewhere. His agitation level shot through the roof; all thoughts of her rejection rapidly eclipsed by the thought that she was somewhere injured, bleeding!

Forcing himself to calm, Spike pushed his concerns to the back of his mind and allowed his vampire senses to stretch out, seeking the trace of her scent on the air. The overwhelming aroma of his lover was unmistakable; weaving around it he caught also the scent of the whelp and that stupid worthless git Riley. Another scent lingered on the air as well, one he was sure he should know, but just couldn’t quite place.

Making his way to where the scent was strongest, he noticed a lump of wood spotted with blood; Buffy’s scent was strongest here. Moving away, he followed the other scents, coming to an area nearby which showed signs of some kind of scuffle. He bent down and saw what looked to be the heel of a shoe embedded in the ground. Worry and fear began to course their way more rapidly through his body. Straightening, he concentrated on the mixture of scents once more, determining that they all came together at one point. Following the scent, he made his way to the far corner of the sprawling graveyard, to the oldest and most dilapidated crypts and graves.

*****

As she came to, the first thing Buffy noticed was the discomfort across her shoulders; her arms were forced high above her head, wrists lashed together and suspended from a hook. Her back was pressed against a cold hard surface and her head ached from where she had been hit. Strangely her feet were bruised, small cuts stung and one ankle was sore and tender as it begrudgingly took her weight. Why did her feet hurt? And what had happened to her boots? Her right one was missing completely and she could feel her toes poking through into empty air at the toe of the other, how on earth had that happened? Now she was really pissed! She had liked those boots, and they were only new!

Buffy carefully opened her eyes, taking care to stay silent so as not to alert her attackers to her conscious state. She looked around, taking in the gaudily decorated interior of an old mausoleum. Pastel shades dominated much of what she could make out. A large pink and silver, rearing wooden horse, standing about three feet tall, rested on the floor. It looked somewhat like a carousel horse; if she craned her neck, Buffy could just make out a long gold protrusion from the top of its head. Above, lined up on a shelf, were a number of varying horned horse-shaped statues; some were crystal, others plastic creations, some were gaudily painted china, yet others appeared to be small, soft, plush toys.

A huge bed covered in pastel pink sheets stood to one side of the room, cushions in all shades of pink piled high on it. Numerous soft fluffy white rugs lined the floor and sickeningly pretty tapestries of pastel-coloured unicorns adorned the walls. She could hear voices further to the front but no matter how much she strained against her bonds, she could not get a clear view and they were too far away for her to make out who was talking. It sounded like a couple of girls and a guy were arguing over something.

*~*~*~*

Harmony stomped into the room and threw herself onto the bed, her face the perfect picture of a childish pout, arms crossed over her stomach, bottom lip jutting out. Buffy watched in amazement as Xander and Riley followed closely behind, clambering onto the pink satin sheets beside Harmony, petting and fawning over her with pleading voices.

“Please, Mommy, please forgive me,” Riley whined in a high pitched voice, “I promise never to do that again without your permission. Please!” he begged.

Harmony huffed loudly before turning her back to him. “I’m your Sire, and you’re supposed to think of me FIRST!”

Riley moved across the bed to face her once more, sliding awkwardly on the slick satin sheets and falling hard onto his backside on the cold, hard floor.

“Is that my boot?” Buffy couldn’t stop the question that burst from her lips. She stared at the tattered remnants of her boot as it clung to Riley’s left foot, his large hairy toes poking through the leather, the stitching stretched to its maximum. Harmony and Xander blinked at her uncomprehendingly before diving over to the side of the bed to stare down at Riley’s feet. The slick satin aided them in their movements, sending them both crashing onto an unsuspecting Riley.

Pushing herself up, Harmony huffed in irritation, especially seeing as Xander’s hands had once again started to creep up her skirt. Damn, she’d forgotten to put her panties back on. Ignoring The Slayer momentarily, she glared down at the pair on the ground, clearing her throat loudly as the two lost interest in her completely and began playfully fondling each other.

Harmony plucked a bright pink sequined pillow from the bed and began to hit the pair. “What did I just say?”

Riley looked up apologetically, struggling to his feet and attempting to placate his irritated sire. “Oh Mommy, I’m sorry, please forgive your naughty boy.” He batted his eyes furiously in her direction as he twiddled with the laces on her top, inadvertently pulling the knot loose.

Harmony started to preen under her childe’s grovelling. She threw a glance in Buffy’s direction, sure that the Slayer would be seething in anger at her hold over her boyfriend. Harmony suppressed a small shout of triumph when she saw Buffy’s face begin to redden, although the look on it was indecipherable. Turning back to Riley, Harmony began to speak to him, cooing nauseatingly in a childlike voice, “Oh my, Ri Ri, you are such a naughty boy, Mommy will have to smack your bottom.” Reaching a hand around she paddled him gently on his soft flabby arse. “Yes she will,” she twittered at him, “but before that, can you tell me just one little thing?”

“Anything Mommy.” Riley let his head drop onto her shoulder, looking up at her with cow eyes.

“Why are you wearing The Slayers’s boot?”

“Well,” Riley began, his hands tugging more furiously at the loose ties of her top, “The boots I was wearing were just a little bit to big for me,” he bought one hand up, thumb and index finger close together, “and I kept tripping over things and ummm….droppingherfeet.”

“Huh?” Harmony wrinkled her forehead in confusion. “You kept what?”

“Dropping her feet.” Riley announced more loudly, causing Buffy to gasp, her eyes flying down to study her battered feet.

“Ok, so you kept dropping her; that doesn’t explain why you’re wearing her boot.”

Riley looked downcast. “Well this one time I kinda fell, and I um rolled down a hill a little bit and I… um, well I um, I lost one of my shoes.”

“So you what, decided to try on mine?” Buffy was aghast at the thought that Riley had not only continuously dropped her, but now seemed to have developed a fetish for wearing her shoes. Well, she would have been aghast if she could just manage to suppress the laughter that had been welling up inside her since the trio had arrived in the room. “You know if you have a thing for women’s clothing I have a hot pink satin mini that I don’t wear anymore; although you don’t really have the knees to pull off a short skirt. I’d go with longer if I were you, and maybe a nice cashmere top to go with.”

Riley growled in anger—well, squeaked in anger—as he lunged towards her, forgetting that his hands were currently entwined in the laces of Harmony’s top. The forceful motion caused the laces to break, the bustier bursting away from her body and allowing her boobs to pop free from their leather encasement.

Riley looked at the rent scraps dangling from his hands before throwing himself back at Harmony and wrapping his arms around her waist, nestling his head against her bare breasts. “Mommy I’m sorry,” he began to sob, AGAIN, sniffling and wiping his running nose against her skin.

Xander grumbled loudly. During this whole display he had lain on the floor, contentedly staring up Harmony’s skirt and oblivious to the action occurring around him. Sighing as Riley’s large body obstructed his view, Xander rolled to the side, rising to his feet and making his way over to Buffy.

Buffy was now close to hysterics, fat tears rolled down her face as she watched the byplay between the three. Her arms ached from the effort to support her body, her legs buckling uselessly beneath her as she desperately tried to control her amusement. Twisting frantically, she tried to press her legs together, her uncontrollable laughter causing an urgent need for the bathroom.

Xander attempted to affect his sexy walk as he moved towards Buffy, succeeding only in closely resembling a constipated duck as he did. As he reached her side he began tracing one finger along the bare flesh of her arm. “So Buff,” he moved his body closer, drool gathering at the corner of his mouth, “You always did like a little monster in your man.” Xander did his best to mimic Spikes tongue curl, impaling the tender flesh on a fang as he did. “So what about you and I?” Xander was about place his hand over one of her breasts when he was disturbed by someone clearing his throat.

Riley stared at him in horror. “Xanderrrrr,” he whined as he realised that his childe was staring at Buffy with the same lecherous look that he had previously bestowed upon him and Harmony.

Xander ignored Riley’s plaintive voice, concentrating on getting his body as physically close to Buffy’s as possible and rubbing himself against her backside as he writhed in pleasure.

Buffy felt a small twinge of sadness for what her friend had become; that was before he began humping at her backside like epileptic Jack Russell. Letting her voice drop to a husky note Buffy felt a small smile tug at her lips. “You know, you’re wrong about one thing Xander, I don’t need a little monster in my man. I need A LOT, and I did have a hell of a lot of monster in me last night.” Grinning more widely, she continued, “And when he finds out what you’ve done, he’s going to kill you.” She twisted slightly to look into his eyes. “And he can now, cause well…you’re not human anymore now are you?”

Xander’s eyes widened in shock as he realised that he was no longer protected from Spike’s violent streak. Buffy continued before he could think of a response, “And what the hell are you poking me with? It feels like a pencil stub or something.”

Xander growled in anger, stalking round to face Buffy and preparing to show her just how much of a monster he really was; he even managed to cover his small stumble as he once again tripped on one of Harmony’s numerous furry rugs.

Buffy sniggered, enjoying the circus playing out in front of her.

Xander was contemplating how he was going to grab Buffy and have his ‘wicked way with her’ when a meaty hand connected with the back of his head.

“Xanderrrrr,” Riley whined again, pouting and stomping his foot, causing the seams on Buffy’s tattered boot to finally split and Buffy to succumb to another bout of debilitating laughter.

Neither noticed the condition of the boot or Buffy’s laughter as they stared into each other’s eyes, slowly leaning in towards each other.

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE DOING IT AGAIN!!” Harmony screeched. Both boys jumped in fright and covered their ears at the piercing noise, wincing as she began to cry. A deep resonating bray echoing around the crypt as Harmony snorted loudly, tears pouring down her rapidly reddening face.

She threw herself onto the bed; sniffling dramatically, she began to contort her face as a feather from a small fluffy pillow nestled itself in her nostril. Unable to hold her sneeze in, Harmony convulsed sending snot flying through the air to land in large globs on the faces of the two vampires.

Riley and Xander stood frozen as the gooey mess slowly slide down their faces. Xander watched intently as one landed on Riley’s hairy toes with a loud plop.

Pulling his shirt over his head, Riley used it to clean the remaining mess from his face before handing it to Xander; discretely he dragged his toes across the rug as he moved to the bed.

Harmony sat up eyeing both vampires speculatively. “So how do you two plan to make it up to me?”

Both looked nonplussed. “Huh?” Glazed expressions appeared on their faces as she settled herself against the pillows more comfortably, causing her breasts to jiggle slightly.

“Well now that The Slayer has been captured, it’s my turn to be the centre of attention.”

Xander suddenly sprang forward, diving onto the bed and shoving his head between her thighs; loud slurping noises echoed around the room.

Harmony began to writhe. “That’s it my naughty boy, play with Mommy.” Reaching down, she grabbed fistfuls of hair as she yanked him closer. “Ohhhh ahhhh that’s it.” Harmony looked towards Riley. “Come on, you can play too.”

Squealing with delight, Riley threw himself at the bed and began to play with…Xander's arse. Harmony cleared her throat loudly; Riley gave her an apologetic look before latching onto one of her breasts and beginning to suck enthusiastically.

Buffy gaped at the threesome on the bed in disbelief. The slurps and smacking sounds seemed amplified by the stone walls. Puzzled, she twisted her head from side to side trying to get a better view. ‘That can’t be comfortable,’ she thought as she watched the odd positions the trio were attempting, “You do know that would work much better if you were naked.”

Stillness settled over the crypt as the three on the bed stopped. Riley and Xander looked at each other before springing up and tearing at their clothes as Harmony wiggled out of her skirt, thrashing around on the bed like a worm on a hook.

Riley began to hop around the room as he tugged at his remaining boot, his leather pants pooled around one ankle as he tore at the laces. Tripping, he fell backwards towards the large wooden horse, knocking it over as he narrowly missed its protruding horn. With a guilty glance towards Harmony, he quickly righted the unicorn before his sire could see what had happened.

In the meantime, Xander was bouncing around the bed as he tried to work out how to remove his chaps, realising after a few minutes that he would need to take off his boots, spurs and all.

Eventually the trio managed to get completely naked and settled on the bed. They lay there looking at each other and trying to work out how, exactly, this was going to work. Awkwardly they began to merge into a mass of arms and legs; a cacophony of slurps and grunts soon emerging from them. Harmony’s voice suddenly rang out shrilly, “STOP!!”

All movement on the bed stopped as they waited for Harmony to continue.

“Alright two things.” Harmony wiggled up the bed slightly “First, Xander you are so not putting that there ‘cause ewwww and secondly…” she leant over towards the tarnished gold nightstand and grabbing some small square packages. “If it’s not on, it’s not on.” Harmony waved her perfectly manicured index finger back and forth in front of them.

The two boys looked at each other, then again at the blonde on the bed. She wasn’t serious, was she?

“But Mommy,” Riley whined.

“You heard me! Do I need to repeat myself? You are going to make Mommy very angry,” Harmony pouted.

Rushing to do her bidding, Xander snatched the small package out of her hand and shifted smoothly into gameface to tear into it with his fang. Ripping the now neatly severed packet open and tipping the condom into his hand, he felt his face fall as he realised he had accidentally put his fang through not only the packet but the condom as well. Holding it up to show his grandsire, he shrugged apologetically. “Oops.”

Harmony huffed in disgust and handed him another packet. "Ughhh, will you be more careful? These things cost money you know."

Buffy snickered. "You’re an immortal evil vampire who BUYS condoms?"

Harmony blinked, nonplussed. "Well yeah…So?"

"Ummm, Mommy?" Riley interrupted, holding an unrolled condom in the air before her nose, "how does it go on?"

“God, you really are an idiot aren’t you?” Buffy countered, attempting to stifle the giggles that were once again threatening to overtake her.

Harmony fixed Buffy with her best look of disdain before turning her attention back to the situation at hand. "You put it on your thing,” she said, waving towards their limp dicks.

"Yeah I know that." Xander rolled his eyes. "But how? Anya used to do it for me."

Riley nodded. "Buffy always did mine." He shrugged helplessly.

"Well don't look at me," Harmony complained wide eyed before the three turned to stare at Buffy.

Buffy stared at them aghast "What? Oh honestly," she huffed. "Ok, first of all, you have to be HARD for it to go on, not..." Buffy gestured at the two vampires’ pathetically dangling dicks and erupted into a fresh wave of giggles. "Then you have to… you have to…" Tears began to stream down her face again.

The three vampires glared at the helplessly giggling slayer, indignantly turning as one and ignoring her continued snorts of derision and loud cackling.

After a few minutes of frantic pumping, Riley proudly sported an erection, of sorts, beaming as he pointed it out to his sire.

‘Ok… now... can’t be that hard to do. I mean, if Buffy can do it, how difficult could it possibly be?’

Sitting on the edge of the bed, his knees spread, Riley concentrated hard, fitting the opening of the nicely unrolled condom over the head of his throbbing three inch hard on. He chewed tentatively on his lower lip as he focused intently on the task at hand. Sliding the index fingers of each hand between the rib of the condom and his dick, he see-sawed slowly trying to work the thin latex down his length. After several minutes with no success he turned a look of helpless appeal upon his childe. “Xan, you wanna lend a hand here?”

Xander knelt in front of his sire. Tilting his head to the side, he examined the problem from all angles. “Maybe if we…” He removed the now dangling condom with a snap, oblivious to Riley’s wince of pain as he fixed his mind on the puzzle before him. Placing his thumbs inside the condom he started to gather it up. ‘It works for socks, and this looks like a sock.’ Once it was neatly gathered, he placed it over his sires dick, wiggling his thumbs as he attempted to work the stubborn latex over the rapidly softening member.

From her position against the wall, Buffy had a clear view of the three incompetents; Harmony had by this stage adorned herself artistically across the bed and was happily preening, too self absorbed to take full note of the display before her. Riley was sitting on the end of the bed and Xander knelt between his legs. Buffy found herself compelled to watch; the level of stupidity in itself was so fascinating that to look away was difficult; however the tears of mirth that continued to pour unchecked down her cheeks did tend to distort the view somewhat, and for that she was infinitely grateful.

She began to think that she was fated to watch helplessly until either of two things happened. The vampires became disheartened and returned their attentions once more to her, or, and more likely, she would expire from lack of oxygen caused by way too much laughing. ‘Was it possible to laugh yourself to death?’ Just as these thoughts ran through her mind she felt a familiar tingle run along her spine. ‘Vampire, and close!’ Noting the three on the bed, she qualified, ‘Okay, non-idiot vampire!’ She caught her breath as her eyes moved from the episode of dumb, dumber and dumbest on the bed, and towards the entrance. She waited, all her senses on alert.