He left his apartment block and turned towards the club, a bit of nice relaxin’ music, a couple of beers, that’s what he felt like tonight. That’s when he spotted her, waiting in a doorway for him to make an appearance. Turning in frustration he stormed off the other way, when was she going to take the bloody hint and just leave him be? He was getting sick of it, at least three nights a week she tracked him down. He had thought about moving, about finding new hangouts, but why the hell should he have to? He was happy with his life at the moment. He liked where he lived, the places he frequented, the casual slaying when he felt like it. He was even contemplating acquiring a false University degree in History, as his real one was a little out of date, and ‘going back’ to Uni to study teaching. He would enjoy teaching history and he figured he’d be damn good at it too!

So all in all life was pretty good right now. Except for the bloody Slayer. She haunted him. It didn’t matter what he did she would not leave him alone and he was getting so pissed off with her that pretty soon he might be adding a third slayer to his belt afterall!

He felt her presence drawing near as she hurried after him. Stopping he turned and glared. “Why can’t you bloody well leave me be?” He asked in exasperation. “Can’t you get it through your thick skull I’m not bloody interested!”

“I don’t believe you, Spike. I know what you felt was real, I don’t care what some voice told you...it was real, I felt it, I saw it in your eyes…it wasn’t a lie!” She lifted her chin stubbornly and fixed his eyes with her own, longing only to drown in their deep azure pools.

As he stood temporarily transfixed by her words she reached out with one hand to stroke the beautiful planes of his face, she ached to touch him. Just before her hand made contact he awoke from his trance and jerked away from her leaving her bereft, tears gently tracking down her face.

“You have no idea what you are talking about you stupid bint!” He stormed off down the street, taking turns blindly in an attempt to leave her behind.

She caught up with him ten minutes later as he turned into a dimly lit alley. “Spike…please! Won’t you just give us a chance? I love you, I don’t want to loose you again…please baby…please.” The last plea almost a whisper, despair filling her as she took in his closed face and angry eyes.

“Love!” He spat the word at her, “you wouldn’t bloody know love it jumped up and bit you in the arse. Fucking isn’t love and fuckin’ is all we ever did sweetheart!” He was cold hard fury now, no trace of her gentle tender lover remained. Moving with a speed and strength beyond anything he had ever displayed before he grabbed her, pinning her furiously against the rough, harsh brick of the alley wall.

“You want this do you? You want me to fuck you…fine!” He ripped open her blouse, hands which had previously elicited such pleasure now pinched and grabbed, no tenderness, no urge to please. Reaching under her skirt he tore her panties from her body. “This what you want, pet?” He looked her in the eye, his own eyes burning with rage. When she made no move to stop him he reached down and undid his fly, thrusting himself into her cruelly again and again until he was spent and his anger burnt away.

Turning away from her he dressed himself hurriedly, shame ripping at him, and walked away without a backwards glance. As he was leaving her quiet voice drifted to him through her tears, “I love you, Spike… I will always love you.” His pace quickened to a run, putting as much distance between them as he could.

*****

Numbly Buffy pulled her blouse together the best she could, knotting the ends together as the buttons had been torn off. She pulled her skirt down, her panties had been shredded and thrown across the alley. Drying her tears she made her way out of the alley and headed for home. She was bruised and sore, her back was bleeding where skin had been scrapped off on the rough brick.

Worse than anything her heart ached. She had made no move to stop him, she wanted him badly, longed for his touch. She had not expected him to be so heartless—so cruel. She knew he was angry but had thought that anger would disperse quickly, that the passion and love he had once felt would resurface. She knew he was in there, buried somewhere under all the anger and betrayal. She just had to find a way to reach him.

Right now all she wanted was a hot bath and her bed. She prayed for dreams of love filled pools of sapphire, shining down at her. Even flashing gold eyes challenging and taunting her.  Anything to remove the image of his icy cold eyes burning into hers with disdain.